Is gentle parenting effective

Sometimes a 'no, you cannot' or 'please stop that now' is appropriate, with the discussions regarding why taking place later. The discussion does not have to happen there and then every single time.

That’s parenting - you never hit anyone let alone a child. Why give parenting a title?

I think a lot of people don’t know what “gentle parenting” actually means. It’s just about setting clear boundaries without screaming, shouting or belittling the child, whilst also encouraging children to make positive choices. It’s understanding why children might react in a particular way, but guiding them to regulate those emotions effectively. Sometimes it requires repetition, warnings and consequences. It always requires patience. It never requires a free-for-all; that neglectful parenting, not gentle.

Fab. What shall we call it when people are permissive, or hit and shout at their kids? Unparenting? Nonparenting?

So gentle parenting is good parenting?

There we go, happy days.

It's good parenting, no need for the 'gentle'.

No, they aren’t mini-adults, and that’s why you have to be thoughtful in helping them to understand boundaries and why they can and cannot do certain things - vs just dictating to them without explanation and expecting them to conform.

I've witnessed the behaviour of this particular parent, who has expressed that she practices gentle parenting.

At risk of inflaming the situation, you've just described gentle parenting.

Nobody is 'cross'.
Good parenting is good parenting - consistent, with boundaries, with love and respect, accepting that we are all individuals and have a right to express that in a way that's meaningful to us, whilst also being part of a community and wider society. Children aren't mini-adults, remembering that is generally always helpful.

Well, have you?

Or have you witnessed lazy/permissive parents?

Because all gentle parenting is, is not using fear/violence/aggression to get a small child to comply. Not simpering at a small child hitting a dog.

Who does any parenting 'right' all the time?

Parenting is a set of skills and knowledge that develops over time and takes active learning to build.

Listening skills, responsiveness, knowledge of child development, specific communication strategies for children at different stages, learning to deal with difficult emotions (usually our own)

Parenting is HARD

I saw a good opinion somewhere that perfectly behaved children in public are usually the result of horrific/abusive parenting. This is why it feels the standard of kids behaviour has gone down over the years compared to the 80s-90s. No child innately wants to sit still and not make a noise for 2 hours during a meal or flight or whatever. But if they do this just because a parent told them too, you can only imagine what consequences they would be facing at home for disobeying.

There's nothing wishy-washy about not hitting and shouting at a 3 year old..

Nonsense... That's like saying calorie controlled diets don't work because no-one ever does it right...

Of course CCD and GP works.... if you do it right..

Sounds about right! 🙄

Yes gentle parenting works.

If there are no boundaries it isn’t gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is how you maintain those boundaries - with respect, without shame, without arbitrary punishments.

Behaving like your child is a person that you teach, not an animal to be trained.

Understanding what they’re cognitively able to do at each age, rather than assuming behaviour is naughty or manipulative.

It’s science-based and hard work, but rewarding. I did my best to be a gentle parent and, entirely objectively of course, my teen son is the most brilliant person in the world. He is not a gentle child. I am in no way a gentle person. It’s not earth mother bullshit. It’s just respect, empathy and teaching, not reacting.

Gentle parenting is shit because no one ever does it right.

So I guess the consensus from this thread is that yes, gentle parenting does work, but a lot of people will get cross if you call it that, so find some other name like 'effective' or 'good' or 'normal' instead and all will be well.

So I guess the consensus from this thread is that yes, gentle parenting does work, but a lot of people will get cross if you call it that, so find some other name like 'effective' or 'good' or 'normal' instead and all will be well.

Yes - why titles - it’s just parenting. All this wishy washy stuff isn’t going to help children when they get to school where they will be told what to do, no time for negotiations, punishments if they don’t do as they are told.

No wonder there are so many confused children who don’t do as they are told to.

It’s much like the ‘children using technology’ threads though - ‘I saw X on the bus / in the supermarket / in a cafe and I am disgusted by the terrible parents of today’.

They take an individual situation with no broader context / the behaviour of one parent / child and extrapolate that to a huge number of people based on some random thing they’re prejudiced about.

Who has said that voilent controlling parenting is the way to go then? 🫣

I've witnessed this so called gentle parent on many occasions.