Is gentle parenting effective

OP I haven’t RTFT just your responses so apologies if this has already been said, but gentle parenting I always think is a great parenting method with a pretty rubbish name. I think it has connotations of ‘permissive’ parenting and it’s so far from it.

I’ve done my best to gentle parent mine; in essence, it very much prioritises empathy, respect and understanding. There has to be discipline, but this is modelled and appropriate behaviour discussed, without relying on punishments. We do a lot of natural consequences. It also involves setting very clear boundaries and limits.

I’m far from perfect and I’d be lying to your face if I say I do the above 24/7 but I do try my best! And now at 7 I’m starting to see it pay off too (when they’re little christ it is a long game…) - I agree with others too it needs to match their age/development.

I do gentle parent my children but I can assure you I’m not rehearsing any scripts

What a load of nonsense!!

We used the naughty step for time out and then a talking too with an apology given and then lots of hugs. Nursery did the same so we used the same approach - worked for us.

Gentle parenting is great as a proper concept with proactive parents, but I think too many people have taken all the positive parts of gentle parenting from various Instagram posts, but quite frankly forget the actual parenting part!

I was at the park with my kids the other week chatting to one of the school mums. Her daughter, who’s 5, started hitting her over something and her only response was a very wishy washy “oh no, that’s not kind, you don’t want to hurt me” type reaction. Went on for about five minutes. Later she told her child not to take her shoes and socks off in the park as there were stones, two minutes later her child threw them at her and ran off! She just sort of sighed, but said and did nothing. The ineffectiveness really winds me up!

There’s another parent I know who is very vocally into gentle parenting and when we ran into her once in the supermarket one of her children (aged around 5) was crawling around on the floor, getting in the way of loads of people trying to get bread from the shelves. My two kids were wide eyed, I was just mentally begging them not to say anything out loud, thankfully they didn’t.

I agree with this actually. I'm all for not shouting, no hitting and not picking at every little thing with kids. I understand talking about feelings and modeling the behaviour you want to them to exhibit. I even get explaining and giving reasons, I think long term that really helps.

But a 2 year old doesn't need a massive, rehearsed script about stuff, they need clear, simple instructions/explanations.

I HATE the "scripted" version on gentle parenting. But I do agree with the general principles and it works well with my 5 year old autistic son, we often get compliments on his behaviour.

Colloquially, precocious also means an assumption of superiority intelligence/advancement, whether it's actually evident or not. The child often thinks themselves cleverer or more mature than they actually are, and the parents reinforce this.
HTH

Because it isn't. Although as the definition of precocious is "unusually advanced or mature in development" I'm not sure what your point is.

I've just parented, no clichéd or trendy terms either.

Out of interest, what did you do with your son hit his sibling/ another child? I try to be a gentle parent but struggling to know what to do what my son hits his little sister. If I make a fuss over her, he just carries on playing as if nothing had happened. Removing her is what he wants.

So I end up removing him, putting him in his bedroom for 3 mins to think about his behaviour (he just screams for the entire time when I do this) while I play/ comfort his sister. Is there something you would have done instead of removing him?

Like most parenting theories, it’s followed by devotees and the rest of us get on with it.
My DM followed Dr Spock. Was I harmed by it? Don’t think so. Did she follow it slavishly - no. I followed Penelope Leach. My DC seem ok too. We did our best. Dc ok.

It's not the "no true Scotsman" fallacy. No one is saying that if a child still misbehaves, it isn't gentle parenting - what we're saying is that if a parent isn't gentle parenting correctly, they aren't gentle parenting. If they're permissive or aggressive or neglectful, that isn't gentle parenting - that's not "no true Scotsman", it's just ensuring that the definition is applied correctly.

Gentle parenting techniques don't always work because kids and parents have good days and bad days and there are plenty of factors that go into it, but as long as the ideas are being applied correctly, it's still gentle parenting and I haven't seen anyone suggest otherwise.

This is exactly what I came on to say! These threads always have people insisting that if gentle parenting is not effective, that’s because it clearly isn’t gentle parenting.

We got the same results the DT’s but didn’t follow gentle parenting - had never heard it it until I saw in on Mnet- not something anyone mentioned in real life.

Gentle parenting IS authoritative parenting 🤦‍♀️

So is DS, even as a teenager. We've even had 'delightful' a few times. Be proud you're raising a decent and kind human. ❤️

Not sure what you mean by 'the younger generation' tbh, as that depends on perspective. 😬

I agree 100%.

Not quite.

Gentle parenting can and does work, especially if no other issues are involved. Will it work for every family/child? No.

Is every single parent that claims to be a gentle parent actually doing that or any parenting at all? Also no.

Just like a parent that will claim to be strict, have boundaries, be loving, have their child’s best interests at heart can actually be an abusive, destructive and toxic parent.

We definitely didn’t do what many are describing as gentle parenting - wasn’t a term around then. We issued warnings and punishments, naught step, grounded them and expected them to behave at home, school and elsewhere.
It worked for us - happy healthy children - now in their mid 20’s.

It's worked for us. We don't use punishments, only natural consequences. Don't limit things like screen time. The only really hard line rules in the house are about kindness to each other and our animals. The dc do well at school, and are kind and empathetic people.

I don't for a second think it's the only good way to parent, but it has suited our family. I don't understand why people seem so vitriolic on mn about it.

This thread is a great exercise in the "no true scotsman" fallacy.

If the parenting works then it's gentle parenting.

If the parenting doesn't work, then even if the parent thinks they're gentle parenting it isn't actually gentle parenting it's some other unspecified thing and nothing to do with gentle parenting.

Agreed. A friend of mine was horrified when her now 18 year old swore at her and slammed a door. They left it a few minutes, knocked and went in, found him sat on his bed crying cause he was just so overwhelmed with all sorts. It was out of character, they weren't angry and they talked it though. Once the situation was resolved, they talked about respect, appropriate use of swear words especially in the family home. Helped him see that they were on his team, not just there to correct him. It didn't become a battle, it became a point for connection.

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

Turns out I did (and still do, as she’s not fully grown yet) gentle parenting without even knowing it was a thing. DD was/is described by the adults in her life (teachers, parents of peers, our friends) as a lovely, incredibly polite, well behaved girl.