Is gentle parenting effective

@Fitasafiddle1
😂😂😂

Oh dear. And you call yourself a teacher 😆

@IDroppedRocky
As others have said, it isn’t remotely authoritative and the only people who claim it is are the people who use it. It’s concerning that you can’t see that!

@Fitasafiddle1
It’s a common theme across many schools at the moment in most areas. Are you not aware of the current teacher recruitment and retention crisis? No I don’t think much of parents who think it’s everyone’s else’s job to parent/put up with the poor behaviour of their offspring. I won’t make any apologies for that!

@Fitasafiddle1
Well in that case your parenting isn’t what posters on here are describing or you’re deluded. I’ve yet to meet a child who has been brought up to think the world revolves around them, is not used to being told ‘no’ and has has conversations rather than consequences who has grown up to be anything other than a nightmare in school! It’s worth noting that teachers are no longer allowed to be as honest as they once were. Behaviour is such an issue in schools at the moment that only the most extreme (if any!) is being dealt with therefore teachers simply don’t have the time and energy to deal with the rest.

Feral? Where on earth do you work?? You don’t think much of them or their families which is probably the root of the issue. You sound very harsh and judgemental.

Those are permissive parents, not authoritative ones. It is concerning that as a teacher you apparently cannot understand the difference.

@IDroppedRocky
In the vast majority of cases I’ve witnessed there aren’t any consequences! The kids are feral. Everyone else can see it apart from the clueless parents!

I don't really know what the definition of gentle parenting is compared to other types of parenting, I haven't decided to do a particular method. (I did read about attachment theory for my degree before I ever had a baby though.)
When I had a baby I decided never to do controlled crying (felt too cruel and not in line with attachment theory.) and also vowed that I would never smack my child. Other than that I've just winged it.

I only have one child and I think I largely parent according to who he is and what works for him, rather than picking a particular parenting style. Suspect most other parents are the same and everyone is mostly just winging it, but certain things like smacking have become very outdated, so older generations think we're all too soft.

Mr teachers love my calm, respectful children. I have never had a single issue throughout their entire school life. Thanks.

Who said there shouldn’t be consequences? 🤔

The posters on here claiming that it’s some wonderful concept are deluded. I taught for 20 years and during that time I saw a massive decline in behaviour and of basic manners. Of course there should be consequences for poor behaviour! It’s ludicrous to suggest otherwise. Those of you who claim your ineffectively parented little darlings are a delight, I can guarantee their teachers would say otherwise! Nobody likes a spoilt brat who thinks everything revolves around them and who has a tantrum whenever they are told no!

I do!!! That's how I know about gentle parenting in the first place. They're actually the only people I know who do talk about a parenting style.

I don’t know anyone who talks about a style of parenting - it’s just parenting - you get on with it the best you can. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn’t.

A big Part of gentle parenting is having clear rules, expectations and boundaries. Some parents completely skip that part which is 1.what causes the issues and 2. why it isn’t gentle parenting.

DD slightly (and completely inadequately) fucked up today when buying something.My options were :

1. rant , rave ,swear ,be annoyed/angry , make her feel even worse than she already was feeling, apply some sort of consequence (like losing money) .
2. force her to sort it out by herself even though I knew she would be extremely uncomfortable with it and would struggle
3. swoop in and fix it for her
4. pretend it’s not a big deal(it kinda wasn’t, but hey ho) and just let her forget about it
5. ask her to fix it, explain why (and why it’s good practice for the future), reassure her we all make mistakes and it’s how we deal with it that matters and that we try to fix it, then stand nearby for support/reassurance while she did it herself.

I did 5, which I consider to be gentle parenting. It was also the least effortless action (especially since it meant putting my bra back on and leaving the house again ). Anything else would’ve been 100 times easier .

You say that but no one I know who processes to use gentle parenting is like that at all. I've just remembered a third - met her for a play date once. Still baby wearing a 3 year old. Her son repeatedly snatched toys from my daughter and shouted about it with no word from mum. Was so bloody awkward we just left in the end!

I will stress that none of the parents I know who talk about gentle parenting are ignoring or permissive in the hands off sense. They are extremely involved, and talk a lot about the parenting style.

It is weird that everyone here is saying gentle parenting is authoritative when the parents I know who are really into it are the opposite.

Maybe the word "gentle" just attracts lots of parents like I'm describing.

I'm not saying that as a traditional or strict parent either.

In my experience as a parent of preteens, having observed this for over a decade:

authoritarian parenting = ‘your feelings, needs and desires are not at all important. My feelings are very important and it’s fine for me to express them by shouting or lashing out at you.’

permissive parenting = ‘i can’t be bothered to help you manage your feelings, needs and desires, so do whatever you want. I don’t know or care about your feelings or how the way you express them affects others.’

gentle parenting as is often practiced = ‘your feelings, needs and desires are more important than anything else, and my feelings, needs and desires as your parent are unimportant. It’s more important for you to express your feelings than for those around you to feel happy and comfortable.’

gentle/good parenting as it should be = ‘i’m the grown up so I’m in charge of keeping you safe and making sure you grow up to be happy and able to function in the world. Both of our feelings, needs and desires are important and we can talk about them. Sometimes we have to compromise on what we want, and we have to respect peoples’ boundaries and limits - just like people have to respect your boundaries. It’s ok to have big feelings but it’s not ok to let them affect other people by being aggressive or mean.’

I was parented in the latter way, and that’s how I’ve parented. To me it’s just common sense and a continuation of how I interact with anyone else - respect, boundaries, communication and clear rules/hierarchies when needed.