Best friend has ghosted me

LurkyMcLurkinson · Today 07:30

Has she listened to the voice note?

Good question. Is there a way of knowing or do blue ticks show when they've seen it, rather than played it? Because I almost never listen to them when I see them because I'm out in public or doing something that means I cant stop and listen, especially if it's more than about ten seconds long, and there's every chance I just forget about it then.
They are less convenient that both a phone call or a text.

OP, if I had a friendship I was desperate to keep going and was asked to attend an event, I wouldn’t decline it on the basis of a wedding anniversary unless I already had fixed unchangeable plans.

Say she does feel she has less in common with you these days (and that she never sees you without your DH in tow or maybe she thinks you talk about nothing else,I have no idea, I’m speculating). If they’ve come up with a plan for an event and you’ve stated your not available to see them, even though you’ve not seen them in a year, because you want to spend time with your DH to celebrate your 3rd wedding anniversary, I think I’d probably roll my eyes and crack on with my own plans too.

Has she listened to the voice note? If she has then that makes the situation considerably worse. If she hasn’t though it may be that she isn’t ghosting you, but is just overwhelmed and not prioritising your friendship. While that’s hurtful it doesn’t mean the friendship can’t be repaired. I also think it’s unlikely she knows it’s your anniversary though, and I suspect your upset about the relationship is making you sensitive to any perceived slight, so I wouldn’t take that personally.

I agree with this. It sounds as though you want all the benefits of your old relationship with her but for it to fit around your new expanding life without acknowledging that things had fundamentally changed. That impacts both of you. Not unreasonable to want but unlikely to happen. There is a lot of weight of expectation behind your choice of words (you’d think she’d remember, for example). That sort of pressure can break relationships. She clearly isn’t getting what she used to from your relationship. She has been pretty rude about it but you’ve also created pressure there. My dearest friend from similar time hates texting and phoning and is hard to meet up with. When we do it’s like it always was, so I accept her for who she is. And she does the same for me. It’s fhat or relegate friendship to the past, remember it fondly and move on.

It’s always tough when friends grow apart but I do think it’s unreasonable to expect friends to remember your anniversary. I’ve been in weddings not so many years ago and have no idea now what the date would have been. It’s hard to get a group together and they’ve obviously thought of you and wanted to include you as they’ve invited you. There’s also nothing stopping you going and celebrating your anniversary with your husband the day/weekend before/after, especially if they are friends you don’t get to say frequently.

How did they come up with that as being the only date that works though.. she obviously wasn't involved in that initial discussion!

OP I think it happens to us all to an extent. I hardly ever see my best friend now..but I don't think she's ever left me on read for six weeks! I'd call that out to be honest.

I guess OP's point is that she's clearly not a priority since if there was a genuine intention to include her, that isn't a date which works. I wouldn't expect my friends to remember my wedding anniversary but if they genuinely wanted to include me I'd expect us all to try and find another date that worked for me too instead of just saying 'oh well, we're going ahead anyway'. By going aged anyway they're signalling to OP that it's not important to them that she be there.

I feel really sad for you. I understand how painful
It is.
Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong and your not being unreasonable to mourn the shift in the friendship.

it’s just that for now you’ve grown apart and are on different paths.

Its so incredibly common.
Keep in touch. Cherish the friendship that was and focus on meeting friends who are currently on your path.
Mel Robbins in the “let them theory” talks a lot about friendships. I found it helpful.

You say She has absolutely no interest in ever getting married or having kids, then you also say you've started noticing the change in the years since you got engaged and had some pretty major life changes.

My first thought is that friend in fact is very much interested in having the kind of life you now lead and is putting up an act. The lady doth protest too much, etc.

Obviously ghosting not okay, but what struck me reading your OP is that your friend's might be envious/struggling.

Edited to add I think it's unusual to remember friend's wedding anniversaries. I certainly don't, and wouldn't attach too much significance to it.

Aww OP I'm sorry. It sounds like you did everything 'right' but for whatever reason she's decided the friendship has run it's course. It's so hurtful when this happens.

It’s hard and sad, I know. I don’t think your friend should be ignoring your messages. She should be up front about it. But it doesn’t look like she’s going to be, so look after you, realise you have to accept it and try to move forwards. She doesn’t want to be part of the life you have now and you can’t make her.

I don’t think your friends should be expected to plan around your anniversary, however.

Well it is shitty that she hasn't responded to your message.

I don't think it's particularly out of order that a) she didn't remember it was your anniversary (i don't remember the dates of weddings I've been a bridesmaid at) or b) that they're still planning on doing something even though you're not available as that might be the only date that works.

Friendships change when you have a baby. I’d just accept it for now and message occasionally. When your children are older you might pick up the friendship again? Your lives are just moving on and in different directions