Best friend has ghosted me

Having a kid usually always changes friendships with friends that don’t as you can no longer relate.
She may find calls with you a bit tedious cos you probably talk about your kid a lot / parent stuff and she can’t relate.

Or something might trigger her and she might feel sad or jealous.

Or, she may be going through her own battles, things affecting her mental health etc so may not have the capacity or energy to respond / respond right away. It may be nothing to do with how she feels about your friendship but about what’s going on with her.

No I’ve never ghosted anyone. If someone is my friend they’d have to really mess up for me to tell them I’m cutting them out of my life. Friends are still friends even if life has taken us in different directions and we only speak occasionally. I have friends I see once a year because of distance etc but it’s the same as it ever was when we’re together.

Sorry to hear this op. I’m married with kids and ghosted a very good friend who was/is unmarried and no children. I started to find her too much as I found her really intense for me (she hadn’t changed at all - it was more me that changed after having kids) and thought I couldn’t take her any longer. I just stopped wanting to spend time and money on going to see her when I could have done other things that made me happy.

I didn’t ‘suddenly’ ghost her, things slowly built up over a period of time - I kept going with friendly texts for a while even though I didn’t feel like I was happy with the friendship.

some things change and move on or drift apart but it’s not your fault op. It’s the force of nature. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s always very difficult when this is happening to you.

I have a best friend who, like me, has kids and living abroad. We haven’t seen each other for years but always keep each other posted on our lives. I wrote to her something that was concerning me about one of my DC but she hasn’t replied to it for two weeks. She does this sometimes when I’m struggling but would write to me everyday when I’m not. She used to be a lot more caring in our teens. I’m wondering if she herself is going through a lot but she seems to be quite active on social media.

Anyway, one thing for sure is that you can’t change other people and expect them to behave in certain ways, even if they’ve always done it. There is one option though - for you to change and start doing things differently.

she should respond to you. However, she’s clearly got her own issues which are no doubt impacting the way she’s (not) reacting right now. Your comment about her and your friends not picking up on your anniversary makes me think perhaps you’ve been a little self-absorbed. I personally would not expect anyone else to remember the date I got married, or make arrangements around it. Your friends invited you to go and it looks as if you’ve decided not to, which is your choice but you can’t blame them.

Not really. How many have you stayed close friends with everyone in your whole life. From the sounds of it. You'd just ghost them.

This started way back when she moved away. It’s nice you kept in touch remotely but you’ve made very different choices and are old friends rather than best friends and have been for a while. Your DH is probably your best friend now and she’s very clear she’s not into marriage and kids. Neither of you are wrong but you’re very different now and need to reset expectations. She’s not ghosted you as she still asked you along to this event, but didn’t arrange it around you and your anniversary as that’s not her priority now, just as you wouldn’t prioritise her over your family plans. Afraid I’m another one who hates voice notes, especially heavy ones. Take her non response directly to it as a response. She is okay and asked you to the get together. There’s no big drama that she feels needs discussing and it might upset you more if you both had to unpack what’s gone on. Better to see the friendship for what it’s been for a long time now and decide if you want that or not, because it’s never going to be what it was and that is quite normal when lives diverge from distance and shared experiences so much.

It is upsetting. Put yourself out there op and build local friendships with women with same age kids. They can be really life enhancing for you and your child. Playgroups/ baby classes / primary school are rich pickings for new friends.

Just seems unusual to have to cut 4 people that you counted as friends out of your life.

She’s ignoring you for some reason I wouldn’t reach out again. The fact she replies to others shows me the friendship is over.

Not sure what there is to understand. So everyone knows where to stand. Because cutting people off and ghosting them is a cunts trick. It hurts if the other person doesn't know why.

It sounds like you are just at different life stages with a bit less in common which is ok and normal. I would keep things civil because you may well want to reconnect when your lives are a bit more aligned in the future (from similar experience!)

Just going against the grain, I HATE voice notes. I would really struggle with one that was asking me what the problem is rather than a phone call. It just feels a bit off as it doesn’t give me the chance to answer. That might just be me though, I find them way more intrusive than texts.

why don’t you text and see if she’s free for a call at some point so you can have a 2 way conversation. Hopefully it’s just perception on your part rather than the end of the friendship.

Why? Nothing stops the OP going away just because it's her anniversary does it? Not a thing that friends should be expected to remember

I’m intrigued as to why you’d need to do that.

Maybe 4 over the last 20 years. When you break up with a partner. You tell them it's over. Why should a friendship be different.

Agree

How many friends have you told that??? Why? Curious.

In that case I’d assume ghosting, I would reply
saying I’m not free that weekend then I would
move on from the friendship. Life’s too short for people who can’t find a moment to even text a quick reply to a message sent in an attempt to reconnect.

Friendship break ups really hurt. I tell a friend if I dont want them in my life. Ghosting is shitty.

Friendships do shift when you’ve taken such different paths BUT there is no reason for her not to reply and keep in touch more. I had a similar friendship and while I had chn she got sterilised and wasn’t interested in any chat about home life etc. It was hard to relate at times. We drifted apart but later reconnected when my children were older. It’s not how it was but I still value . I made friends through work and chn’s school.

I think YABU to expect her to remember your anniversary. I don’t remember any of my friends or even family members anniversaries. Your anniversary is for you and husband to celebrate your marriage, it has absolutely no relevance to anyone else after the actual celebration on the wedding day.

Clearly she’s either got shit going on she doesn’t want to or have the energy to talk to you about; maybe she just needs easy undemanding superficial friendship right now, and that isn’t the dynamic that your twos friendship has?

I would be dropping a friend that choose to ignore a voice note like that, assuming she doesn’t have serious issues/problems or poor mental health.

Your anniversary just isn’t that important to her, nor is your baby or the life you have chosen. She has chosen something else for her own life op.

I would crack on building up a great network of local mothers and start developing other friendships. You can stay loosely in touch when she messages you, otherwise I would bow out gracefully, you are on different paths.

Sounds entirely normal tbh. You’re just at different phases in life and you’re not what she needs right now. You’ve taken different paths.

It reminds me of the key relationship in Dolly Alderton’s book / bbc tv series ‘Everything I know about love’. The main character has to move on a bit from her main best friend, for a while, as best friend gets married / babies and it just is a million miles away from where the main character’s life is right now. Different interests, schedules, priorities.
There’s a lot of love from both sides, but each person is on a journey and the friendship isn’t the same anymore.

Your common interests are reducing and you are drifting apart. That's normal no need to make it a big break up situation. You will find new friends through having a child who you have more in common with at this stage of your life.

I'm not sure, maybe you need to be open to the possibility of your relationship continue but in a different way to before.

Just re the comment about your anniversary - I don't think anyone really remembers anyone else's anniversary.

I think you’re being unreasonable expecting your friendship to remain exactly the same when you now live in different parts of the country and have very different lifestyles. Ultimately your life has a completely different focus to hers and you probably have far less in common than you previously did. I wouldn’t really want to go and stay with a friend who had a husband and a baby in tow, even if I got on well with their husband. It just massively changes the dynamic and however much people think they don’t talk about their baby all the time… I guarantee that they always do! It’s understandable; I would expect someone’s attention to be completely dominated by their baby. It’s normal. But it’s also often very dull for people who are interested in you rather than your child.

I also think you’re being very unfair and quite judgy when you complain that she’s going out, dating and ‘getting tattoos’, as if that means she can’t possibly be having a difficult time. There is a huge difference between going to stay with someone for a weekend and getting a tattoo or going for a drink. I also think you’re being a bit precious expecting people to remember your anniversary weekend. Most people don’t have their friends’ wedding anniversaries uppermost in their minds.