Best friend has ghosted me

Yep- I agree with this. I have a large group of close friends whom I've known since we were all young and single at college. If we had dumped someone the moment they went through a different life stage we wouldnt still be friends 25 years later.

What a sad way to view people you care about! You got married?- you're dumped!, you had a kid?- dumped, you bought a house?- Bye bye!

Its not physically possible to mirror life stages at the exact same time as all your friends so you wouldnt have any friends left if you adopted this approach 😂

All I can echo is that this is sadly pretty common - I've had a fair amount! Sudden ghosting from a close friend and I've also been faded out by a few other close or good friends because our lives have changed up.

It's always shit and it's always painful - women are far less likely to be violent criminals but we can certainly be unfair and cruel. As someone who myself wasn't a great friend to my friends who had gotten married/ had babies I know the other side of it isn't as personal as you'd think. The life you're living is just so different and they don't get it.

I agree with all the PPs saying different life stages or life just tsking you on different direction. It's really hurtful though and I don't know whether I could ever get past the rudeness and callousness of being ghosted by a long standing friend.

Also I don't accept that 'different life stages' is a reason to drop anyone. I've never hear a man say 'yeah Dave's not invited to the night out because he has a kid now and is in a different life stage'. As long as both sides still make the effort it's still possible to have things in common and have fun together etc even when you're life's prioritises are quite different

I agree with this. Call her out on her shitty behaviour, regarding the read message,but accept that your lives will move in different directions inevitably.

I don't necessarily agree. It could be this or it could be that she feels disdain for OP's new life - I wouldn't jump to jealously and assuming all women just really want a husband and kids.

Hi OP

Yes not responding to a voice note it shitty.

Just to pick up something in your posts though, you've mentioned she used to visit a lot but doesn't any more etc...you've not once mentioned going to visit her.

What was your response to her message that she'd been going through a lot? Did you ask how you could help / when you could visit? Do you make the effort to go and see her?

Just wondering if she has been going through some stressful times, she did tell you but instead of offering support you've made it about you and your friendship? And she feels as though you don't make the effort to see her unless she travels etc?

I didn't see many friends again after I had the baby. I was the first to have a baby and they didn't understand that I couldn't go out a few weeks after the birth. I remember feeling lonely and rejected. But looking back on it they just wanted to meet up for drinks, they now viewed me as a boring non participant. I actually bumped into one of them recently and she went red and seemingly embarrassed. She's had two children since then so I'm guessing she realised how she behaved was shitty.

I don't really understand why, as some posters have said, people have the need to tell friends you're dropping them

Because it then puts you in a tricky position where you dont know what to do for the best- should you keep trying to reach out because there might be something seriously wrong with your friend? (eg mental health issues, physical issues/stress etc) if you care about your friends then you would naturally worry about them if they just suddenly disappeared and went silent. Or, should you drop the rope and give them space. Its the not knowing what to do thats hard.

I've read threads on here that say you should absolutely keep reaching out regardless because thats what a good friend would do and they might be going through a crisis or depression etc Then others say give them space.

Thats exactly why people should make it clear to others what they need rather than dropping people who care about them and letting them guess.

She has no interest in getting married and having kids. All you’ve been doing for the last 3 years is getting married and having kids. You’re not interesting to her anymore. It’s shitty that’s she’s ghosting you but if she’s interested in going out clubbing and getting tattoos, and you’re interested in talking about weddings and babies then your lives have diverged. It may change if she decides later in life to get married/have kids, but at the moment you don’t have a lot in common.

It hurts! Take time to grief.
My 'best friend' did this to me around 10 years ago. No explanation. Remember no response is still a response.

Life has taken you in different directions for now. This happens a lot. You have totally different lives at the moment but that doesn’t mean forever. I’ve got children (all teens and older) and am now late 40’s, in all honestly if a friend with younger children asked me to come and stay for a weekend I wouldn’t be too keen; been there done that and don’t want to spend precious time off with other people’s young kids hanging around. Maybe once your DC is a bit older you and your friend could go and have a girls weekend away on your own?
I don’t think you should expect your friend to remember your anniversary either- my childhood friends and I were all at each others weddings and I couldn’t tell you when any of their anniversary’s were and I doubt they’d remember mine! I don’t even remember my own half the time!
It isn’t kind of your friend to ignore your messages and maybe, sadly you just need to draw a line under this friendship. I promise you will find new friends. Some of my best and closest friendships are ones I made in my 30’s and even 40’s. There are definitely friends that come along for different stages of life.

I agree with this. I don't think there's a need to confront her - leave the door open in case you are both able to reconnect in future. I know this is painful but you can move on for now

I don't really understand why, as some posters have said, people have the need to tell friends you're dropping them. Ok in the case of incredibly shitty behaviour , fair enough, but if it's just because you're at different life stages, then it's good to leave a possibility of reconnecting. I have reconnected with old friends when we had drifted apart and I am really glad we did.

My friend? Definitely not! She used to adore them. She was like a doting aunty. I used to think she visited to see them more than me!

Or she’s just not interested in kids.

Just to pick up on one thing I don't think anyone else has said yet - she says she's "going through some things" but you doubt this because her social media seems to show she's fine? Don't believe everything on social media. She sounds like an avoidant type who isn't keen on talking emotionally, so if she is going through stuff (maybe she isn't as indifferent to marriage and children as she said, as a previous commenter suggested) she's very likely to be hiding that and trying to make her social media appear all fine.

I would be dropping a friend that choose to ignore a voice note like that, assuming she doesn’t have serious issues/problems or poor mental health

I totally agree with this. It's incredibly mean spirited to leave a close friend on read for such a long time and to purposely ignore a caring voice message genuinely asking if all is ok. Thats not something a decent person would do, I'm afraid.

I see you have explained the anniversary thing and I agree that I wouldnt expect others to remember my anniversary either.

I also dont agree with PP saying that she must be bored with your conversation now you have a baby. Sure, noone wants to listen to anyone endlessly going on and on about something they cant relate to but I have listened to my friends wanging on for ages about "why didnt he call me" and " why cant I meet someone" etc - that also got a bit tedious after a while but I listened and supported them because I care, so I would expect the same back when its something important to me. Isnt reciprocity what friendship is supposed to be about?

I'm sorry OP, your friend sounds like she is fading you out. I also recommend the book Let Them by Mel Robbins, I think it will really help you process this.

People change and go off in different directions in life. It's happens.

I think take a step back and let this take its course. Too much pressure will drive her away. There will be another group get together you can make. You’ll see her there and be your old self, which might nudge things back to where they were. But you might find it never does. I have a friend who was great when my kids were little. Genuinely loved them. We have stayed in touch intermittently over the years (she has lived abroad with work several times). She hasn’t seen them for about 6 years now and has distanced herself recently. She cuts conversations short if they come up naturally. I think this is because she’s realised she’ll never have her own, so she protects herself by not wanting to know. I’ve just accepted that.

I'm not saying they should have been expected to remember but if they were like 'hey OP let's meet up on 12 october' and OP said 'oh sorry, I can't do that date because it's my wedding anniversary' and they said 'oh well, we're going ahead anyway' instead of saying 'no problem, what date would work for you instead?' Then it's not suprising OP feels like she's an afterthought, is it?

No I disagree. I might see them once a year but we we text or share photos etc. We send birthday / Christmas cards. You don’t stop being a friend and become an acquaintance. An acquaintance has never reached a deeper friendship .

Those people aren't friends they become acquaintances if you only see or hear from them once a year.