Best friend has ghosted me

I honestly don’t think any of my friends would remember my anniversary despite them all coming to my wedding, so I wouldn’t be too upset about that

At The end of the day, it doesn’t actually matter what anyone thinks. It’s your feelings about the situation that matters. Feeling hurt by her actions and lack of care after she’s been a good friend and maid of honour at your wedding is totally understandable.

Grieve the loss but look at things you can do that would make you feel better. It’s time to let her go and move on I think.

I think if you reached out then voicenote no reply to that just leave it now. Honestly op I stopped chasing people.. But you right we soo busy but they have time for others. I outgrew a few friends and them me so it happens

There’s no need to be rude.

It’s hard to navigate isn’t it… I think the best thing you can do is always leave the situation with your head held high . You were always a good friend and tried to reach out, you’ve done all you can.

My advice was based on experience sadly, when someone in my friendship group of women went funny with me.

I think it's important to make it clear that the other person is the one with the issue. It was definitely a good idea for me to do so with our mutual friends. But yes I agree you have to be careful that it doesn't come across as bitching and just stick to the facts.

Very different for men as they aren’t the ones giving birth or need to breastfeed. You also see many posts on here about mothers not wanting to leave their baby because they feel guilty. Men don’t have this issue.

Nah I read the opposite, very clear that the friend isn’t interested in weddings and babies hence why she’s stepped back. I wouldn’t make effort with things that don’t interest me. Rather pointless.

Do you even like your friend as you’re very judgmental and snarky about her. If that’s how you treat your best friend I can see why she would ghost you.

Just sticking up from OP, it doesn’t sound like this is just a one off where her friend has said she is busy or ignores her messages but has gone out with other friends. You are completely allowed to go out and about and post on social media without the need to respond to friends and can do when you’re not busy. But you’re missing the point of the thread, OP has said that this has been going on for a long time. she has made this point to say, she has had time for others over the past couple of years but not for me.

It is clear that OP is not a priority anymore to her friend, it is a shame but it happens. It is really sad.

I don’t think it’s fair to try and blame op By saying she goes on about her kids and marriage and that’s the reason.

I know we are all entitled to our opinion but I would not recommend telling other mutual friends what is going on. Unless there is a reason too “Oh have you heard of so and so lately” “We’ll I’ve tried to reach out a couple of times but no response so I don’t know if the friendship has drifted”

But I wouldn’t reach out and message the other girls to say “by the way so and so is ignoring me just to keep you updated unless she says anything” because they might speak to her and it might come across bitching

I am upset by the fact although she told me she has a lot going on, but I can see that she is visiting other friends, and has made plans with our other group without asking me about dates etc.

This is a minor point but…. This is why social media scares me, because people make judgements without knowing the other person’s mindset. I sometimes feel guilty if I’ve told a friend I’m busy and then I post pictures on social media but… the thing you can see online is the thing I was “busy” doing! If your friend has an active social and dating life then she DOES “have a lot on”. It’s hurtful that she’s not prioritising seeing you but I do wonder if you made go on about being married with kids a lot (seriously, nobody else cares about your anniversary) and she doesn’t want to hear it

Does she like your DH. I see very little of one of my BFs because her husband is a twat.

You have a husband, a child and I am guessing family?!

Your friend has moved away, is single, started a new life and doesn’t live near. Don’t take it personally.

You might make friends with other parents at groups, school etc in time.

For the third time, I’ve said she can mention the anniversary. No wonder you despair at the responses if your comprehension is so poor.

Just say it like it is.

I would make any mutual friends aware that things are a bit strange between you and say you've tried to reach out but your voice note went unanswered, not in a bitchy way at all, but they may talk to her and get to the bottom of it if you're all in a friendship group. And maybe send one more message in the group chat saying it's a shame I can't make that weekend, would love to see you all another time.

Then the ball is in her court as you've reached out multiple times and told other friends that from your perspective, she's the one with the issue and not you.

OP you sound nice and I’m sorry this is so painful. It does slightly sound like you have given a lot of thought to the ways she has changed as a friend to you, but maybe not as much thought to the ways you will have changed as a friend to her, and what that experience may have been like for her. I’ve been the best friend slowly falling down the priority list as a best friend gets married and has one child then another, and as much as I understand it’s reasonable on her part (of course her DC should be her priority!) it’s painful. Realistically no matter how much effort you are putting in, the friendship won’t be the same as before you met your DH. If she’s decided that she’s not planning to marry or have children then friendships will be the primary relationships in her life (apart from parents etc), and she is probably looking for people who can match the energy of the kind of best friendship you and she had before you met your DH. That can’t be you any more because you have other commitments now. It would be nice if she could bend with you and let the friendship evolve as you both evolve, but it’s sounding like that may not be where she’s at right now.

It’s perfectly acceptable for her to mention the anniversary as a reason not to go. It may not be her first anniversary but it was within three years and this friend was maid of honour at her wedding.

I honestly read some people’s responses and despair. You’re not allowed to mention anything these days for fear of upsetting or offending someone.

You don’t have to defriend , just accept that she’s in a different place. She has handled it badly and that’s not your fault. You have tried to maintain contact so the ball is in her court. As PP have said, move forward. In my experience friends come into focus at different times in our lives depending on circumstance, life stage, work etc. For now she’s not in focus but she may well be in future and if she’s a true friend and she can explain her reasons you may well forgive her. Time is a great healer. For now look after you and your new life.

Nope, she can mention her anniversary by all means. I'm just saying that a short msg saying she can't come because it's her anniversary says it how it is - her friend hasn't consulted her on dates because OP isn't a priority and OP is doing anniversary things that day because that's her priority. It captures all the issues right there. The friend won't be upset, she'll just think 'that's what I thought, OP is different to me now so I was right not to involve her more, fine, she can have fun with her DH and I'll carry on having fun with my other friends.' It's OP who'll be upset by that, not the friend, whose signals have all showed that she's not as invested as the OP. She might be intending to say something to the OP about voicemail in person if OP went along to the event, or she might just be hoping that be being nice in the group and having fun that way, she's letting OP know that they're still friends but not how they used to be and haven't been for ages.

Edited to nitpick - I'm not sure it's her first anniversary btw. She says over the last three years she's got engaged, married, had DC, so doesn't sound like first.

Thank you, it is a really horrible place to be. I’m at the “I need to stop trying to hold this friendship together and it’s time to move on phase” but I’m still really upset about that

A lot of people said that to me after my best friend drifted after I had a baby “maybe you became boring” “all the baby talk” I looked back on my messages and never even spoke about my baby, and when I tried to arrange to meet it was for baby free evenings.