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Original poster

Father in law asked why we didn’t use protection.

85 replies

UK2NO23 · 14/06/2025 21:34

My husband and I have an almost one year old and we have recently told our families that we are expecting after confirmation at our first scan.
My husband has been over his parents’ house today and seen them face to face for the first time since. I did not attend but my husband came home and told me that his father had asked why we didn’t use protection.
I wasn’t present so I don’t know the full context or tone of the conversation but I am quite hurt by the comment. Unsure if hormones are making me unreasonable.

(Just for context, yes baby was unplanned but we did want another eventually and are happy about the situation.)

OP posts:
Bloozie · 15/06/2025 08:48

If the baby wasn’t planned and your husband told your fil this, then it’s a fairly understandable question.

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy though.

Enough4me · 15/06/2025 08:45

Your DH went in a lighthearted way laughing and his dad joked, "why didn't you use protection, had a night drinking?". Or, your DH went in concerned how he feels about another so close, worried about your health, and FIL asked in concern, thinking why did this happen?
You see you don't know and neither do we!

Dearg · 15/06/2025 08:41

I am trying hard, but I can think of no good reason why your FIL would say that to his married son on hearing happy news.

Is he usually so unpleasant and intrusive?

Maray1967 · 15/06/2025 08:40

BrickHare · 14/06/2025 22:40

Not great for her to be pregnant so soon… okay doctor.

Show quote history

You don’t need to be a doctor to know that. Our midwife on discharge both times said we should ideally not have less than a 2 year gap.

TiredMame · 15/06/2025 08:37

He thought out loud. Who knows if your dh sounded stressed about it or expressed how he really felt? Sounds random without some context. Telling you as well sounds like your dh is trying to say something indirectly?

peidhDassffeks · 15/06/2025 08:23

Well if I told my parents i was having an unplanned baby then I can see why they might ask that. Im
more interested in how your DH framed the announcement/what he told him about it being unplanned for his father to ask that

MammaTo · 15/06/2025 08:21

It all depends on the context of how it was said. If it was a scolding, then that’s out of line because it’s none of his business. If it was said as a joke between father and son like a ohh jeeze so soon kind of attitude but ultimately still happy for you then I don’t see a problem.

Starzinsky · 15/06/2025 08:00

I think it's a reasonable thing to discuss with your child who has just announced an unplanned pregnancy. You don't stop being a parent just because they are one themselves. And to be fair with an under 1 year old already if other people don't say it they will be thinking it.

VoltaireMittyDream · 14/06/2025 23:40

Some people can’t resist making shitty comments. When my friend’s wife was pregnant with their 3rd, his mother said, ‘Again?? You do understand how babies are made, right?’

IceLollyMummy · 14/06/2025 23:33

Pallisers · 14/06/2025 23:05

seriously! You really think her FIL was concerned about the effect on the OP's body - having read and understood the body of research on this topic - and that's why he said something intrusive and impertinent? I doubt it very much.

Some people have no filter OP. I'd ignore it.

My fil was the king of saying something "funny" when told news like engagement/pregnancy etc. No one enjoyed it and no one liked him better for it.

Show quote history

It's common knowledge babes

BrickHare · 14/06/2025 23:07

Pallisers · 14/06/2025 23:05

seriously! You really think her FIL was concerned about the effect on the OP's body - having read and understood the body of research on this topic - and that's why he said something intrusive and impertinent? I doubt it very much.

Some people have no filter OP. I'd ignore it.

My fil was the king of saying something "funny" when told news like engagement/pregnancy etc. No one enjoyed it and no one liked him better for it.

Show quote history

I wonder how many men even know the effects of pregnancy and childbirth on a woman’s body.

Pallisers · 14/06/2025 23:05

IceLollyMummy · 14/06/2025 22:10

It's not great on your body to be pregnant again so soon so he wasn't wrong but why the hell did your husband tell you? His dad probably blurted it out thinking he's in a safe space.

seriously! You really think her FIL was concerned about the effect on the OP's body - having read and understood the body of research on this topic - and that's why he said something intrusive and impertinent? I doubt it very much.

Some people have no filter OP. I'd ignore it.

My fil was the king of saying something "funny" when told news like engagement/pregnancy etc. No one enjoyed it and no one liked him better for it.

Remaker · 14/06/2025 23:01

I was pregnant again when DC1 was 9 months old - fully okayed by my obstetrician.

OP as you weren’t there to hear the conversation I wouldn’t get too worked up about it.

BrickHare · 14/06/2025 22:57

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2025 22:52

She’s absolutely right, whether or not she’s a doctor.

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I mean it’s too late now though isn’t it? She’s pregnant. Unless you’re suggestion a termination?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2025 22:52

BrickHare · 14/06/2025 22:40

Not great for her to be pregnant so soon… okay doctor.

Show quote history

She’s absolutely right, whether or not she’s a doctor.

BrickHare · 14/06/2025 22:40

IceLollyMummy · 14/06/2025 22:10

It's not great on your body to be pregnant again so soon so he wasn't wrong but why the hell did your husband tell you? His dad probably blurted it out thinking he's in a safe space.

Not great for her to be pregnant so soon… okay doctor.

JustAnInchident · 14/06/2025 22:35

LadyKenya · 14/06/2025 21:37

You were not there to hear the conversation, and have no idea how your Husband framed things.

Ultimately I agree with this, you don’t really know how your husband presented the news, whether anything was said in a jokey way etc. I wouldn’t get worked up about this op!
Congratulations on your pregnancy, all the best 💐

Catsandcannedbeans · 14/06/2025 22:33

I am pregnant with our third child who was planned… just early. My in laws did say similar but it was a joke and because we have a good relationship I didn’t mind. DP just said something about getting done by 30 so we can have them all out the house by 50 and change the locks.

Unless this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour and your in laws have an issue with you, I’d leave it. If you don’t have the best relationship with them, I’d get why you’re upset, but with a baby and a toddler… you’ll probably want all the help you can get. Keep em sweet.

Userouno · 14/06/2025 22:23

Not such an odd private convo between father and son, definitely a bit awkward for it to be relayed back to you though!

Branleuse · 14/06/2025 22:18

Its hardly an outrageously small age gap. Its pretty standard.
Maybe your husband didnt seem enthusiastic when telling them

Ddakji · 14/06/2025 22:11

I think that’s quite funny. Congrats to you and your DH!

IceLollyMummy · 14/06/2025 22:10

It's not great on your body to be pregnant again so soon so he wasn't wrong but why the hell did your husband tell you? His dad probably blurted it out thinking he's in a safe space.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/06/2025 22:06

Never an appropriate question to ask in my opinion. What’s wrong with people?!

HeddaGarbled · 14/06/2025 22:06

I think it’s quite funny when people get caught on the hop and say out loud what everyone else is thinking. I bet he got told off by your MIL later.

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 14/06/2025 22:06

How weird of FIL and intrusive. A proper wtf moment. Our sex lives are none of your business……

also DH should have protected you by not telling you and dealing with it himself