Father in law asked why we didn’t use protection.

Oh FFS! You'll put your back out, reaching like that.

Why did your husband feel he had to tell you this?
Did he explain to his father why he didn't use a condom, during this intrusive conversation?

Odd reaction, its not an unusual age gap. How are your finances? Are they worried you won't be able to afford childcare and could pressure them to look after 2 toddlers?

It was inappropriate and intrusive of him to say that out loud. But when you have a small age gap like you will, people will always either silently wonder or ask directly if it was an accident. He's probably the first of many (not that people should do this, but they do - I am 12 months younger than my sister and people still comment).

There was no need for your husband to share this with you. Perhaps his dad thought he was having a private conversation with his son ,maybe your husband said baby was unplanned. Depending on their relationship I don't think it's an odd thing to say.

My younger brother has four children. He used our elderly parents extensively for financial support and childcare. They have made similar comments to him. Context is important.

Quite a sensible question, which he probably wouldn’t have asked had you have been there.

You said yourself it wasn’t planned, so what did you think would happen when you had unprotected sex?

Can’t see why you’re put out. If you’re delighted then I would just say to people ‘yes it was very much planned!’ If you’re thinking ‘Fuck it’s way too soon for another’ I’d still tell people it was planned. Because otherwise it makes it look like you don’t know how babies are made.

1. Context is everything.
2. Even if your FIL is a horrible human being, your husband should’ve dealt with it then and there and not tell you and upset you.

Assuming your FIL knows the baby is unplanned then I think it's a fair question.

I wouldn’t say it but I’d certainly think it!

It sounds like he thinks you're both irresponsible and without further context it's hard to know whether you in fact aren't and he's just horrible

I don't think it's that unreasonable a thing to say if your husband had said new pregnancy was unplanned. Depends how it was said though. I don't expect your father in law meant it to be relayed to you.

my two cents- which I appreciate won’t be popular - but it’s never appropriate for parents to ask their adult children about sex and related topics like protection. You had your chance to educate them about such things as children but it’s uncomfortable at best and infantilising at worst to talk about such things with them as adults!

It seems like a pretty valid question to me. If you aren’t trying to have a baby, why wouldn’t you use protection?!

Congratulations though!

Well the recommendation is 12-18 months post c-section… so I highly doubt it’s 2 years as standard. Besides they’ll be 3 months short of 2 years by the time the baby is born anyway? Hardly far off!

I agree the context is relevant.

I wonder if the alleged wife beater Stanley Johnson ever has said that to his older son?

Context matters.

Some years ago a friend discovered she was about 12 weeks pregnant - her first was about 6 months old at the time. I can't recall now if the two children ended up in the same school year, but I know it was a distinct possibility.

A lot of people said pretty much the same thing "OMG, how come? What contraception were you using? Were you using any?".

If it was said as a reaction to DH saying it was unplanned, then it's a reasonable question.

But if DH said "great news, we are having another baby" and someone said "why weren't you using contraception" then that's different and implied they don't approve of the pregnancy.

Context.

Congrats

but I don’t get this baby was unplanned that so many say

if you don’t use contraceptive then you run the risk getting preg

so do kinda agree with your fil.

Are they being used for childcare?

The problem is not that your FIL said it (he's probably one of those tedious people who "say it like it is") but that your dopey husband came home and told you about it without framing it appropriately. What made him do that?

The husband is alienating you from FiL, the grandad of the kids.

If the husband is the type to relay this to his pregnant wife who he must know well enough that she wouldn't find it funny, what must be his motive for telling her? Is he using the FIL as a prop for his own regret at the pregnancy? I wouldn't put it beyond the husband to have announced it with sadness or frustration to the dad who then blurted this out at his son's awkward announcement. Blame your husband for telling you. Why is he such a gossip!

Your DH father asked him if he used protection. Not you. He asked his own son. I don't think it necessarily a rude thing to ask. If my DD had been in that situation, knowing how hard it's going to be for her (and her partner) and knowing the relationship we have I would maybe have asked the same thing.

The OP is three months pregnant ( presuming it wasn't a private scan) and first child isn't one yet. That's not pretty standard.

It was a conversation between father and son OP, just forget it.

Context is all here and without knowing exactly what the two of them said, you cannot really form an opinion.