Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father in law asked why we didn’t use protection.

85 replies

UK2NO23 · 14/06/2025 21:34

My husband and I have an almost one year old and we have recently told our families that we are expecting after confirmation at our first scan.
My husband has been over his parents’ house today and seen them face to face for the first time since. I did not attend but my husband came home and told me that his father had asked why we didn’t use protection.
I wasn’t present so I don’t know the full context or tone of the conversation but I am quite hurt by the comment. Unsure if hormones are making me unreasonable.

(Just for context, yes baby was unplanned but we did want another eventually and are happy about the situation.)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
notnorman · 15/06/2025 21:51

My ‘father’ nastily said ‘I would have thought you would have worked out what’s causing it by now’

IndieRocknRoll · 15/06/2025 21:35

You’re overthinking it. People say stupid things all the time when it comes to pregnancy ‘Was it planned?’ ‘I bet you wish it was a boy/girl’ ‘ooh you’re massive, is it twins?’
All stupid comments I had. Yeah a bit rude but it think sometimes people lack a filter, especially when you drop something unexpected on them.
Your husband shouldn’t have repeated it really.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/06/2025 21:29

I'd probably think, and if I wasn't careful actually say something similar if my son said we're pregnant again but seemed worried about it or as though it was unplanned

ShiningStar3 · 15/06/2025 16:26

It was a weird and intrusive thing to say. Not to mention the fact that sometimes protection fails.

Dearg · 15/06/2025 16:22

SalfordQuays · 15/06/2025 14:45

@Dearg I’ll help you out with a scenario.
Husband - bloody hell we’re having another baby. Total nightmare, absolutely not what we wanted just yet, we’re struggling financially and baby 1 still not sleeping through the night. But I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t use contraception.
FIL - why didn’t you use protection?

Show quote history

Well thanks. Thats a big help.

Funnyduck60 · 15/06/2025 15:12

Obviously FIL shouldn't have said anything and DH shouldn't have repeated it. Do you have much help fro the inlaws? Financial or practical? Will is affect your inlaws too?How will this affect your career? My MIL had her boys 14 months apart and said she found it tough. Do you think DH may have expressed feelings of stress etc to them? I would be quite concerned if you were my DD as its so much to cope with in lots of ways.

SalfordQuays · 15/06/2025 14:45

Dearg · 15/06/2025 08:41

I am trying hard, but I can think of no good reason why your FIL would say that to his married son on hearing happy news.

Is he usually so unpleasant and intrusive?

@Dearg I’ll help you out with a scenario.
Husband - bloody hell we’re having another baby. Total nightmare, absolutely not what we wanted just yet, we’re struggling financially and baby 1 still not sleeping through the night. But I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t use contraception.
FIL - why didn’t you use protection?

Viviennemary · 15/06/2025 14:04

YABU Because your DH told him it was unplanned. He didn't have to. He's the one you should be annoyed with.

GAJLY · 15/06/2025 14:01

Your husband obviously said it was unplanned, so his father has asked him why he didn't use protection? Seems logical to me. I wouldn't read anything into it.

Middletoleft · 15/06/2025 13:41

If your husband has been complaining about house size and money issues (or anything else family related) for the last how long that might have had something to do it?

As PP have said the conversation between father and son is everything.

itsgettingweird · 15/06/2025 13:33

It wouldn’t bother me that he said it.

it was a conversation between father and son.

It would bother me that DH thought it appropriate to tell me without context.

CustardySergeant · 15/06/2025 13:33

MakingPlans2025 · 15/06/2025 11:01

Could be worse my father in law asked if I knew who the father was 😵‍💫

Good grief! That is shocking.

nessiethecat · 15/06/2025 13:32

Starzinsky · 15/06/2025 08:00

I think it's a reasonable thing to discuss with your child who has just announced an unplanned pregnancy. You don't stop being a parent just because they are one themselves. And to be fair with an under 1 year old already if other people don't say it they will be thinking it.

Exactly

CustardySergeant · 15/06/2025 13:32

brunettemic · 14/06/2025 21:56

Because your husband said it wasn’t planned, which makes it a reasonable question. It’s pretty obvious really.

Exactly.

Autumn38 · 15/06/2025 13:28

surely it was just a ‘dad joke’. Chill a bit

Olderbeforemytime · 15/06/2025 13:24

CRbear · 15/06/2025 09:08

Well the recommendation is 12-18 months post c-section… so I highly doubt it’s 2 years as standard. Besides they’ll be 3 months short of 2 years by the time the baby is born anyway? Hardly far off!

Show quote history

It takes 2 years for vitamins and mineral stores to return to normal. There is a difference between signifigant risk if getting pregnant soon after a c section and what is ideal.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 15/06/2025 13:16

Context is everything here. And since you weren’t there and either don’t know or haven't shared I would say YABU until you get the full picture.

Was it in jest? Was it in response to a comment like - can you believe we are having another kid or better yet ‘I don’t know how this happened’.

Not worth being upset about until you understand the context which isn’t going to come here and only going to come by speaking to your husband.

Original poster
UK2NO23 · 15/06/2025 13:13

Thank you all for your insights and congratulations! After sleeping on it and reading your comments I was probably being slightly emotional yesterday 🤣

Just a few notes:

  1. Precaution (condoms if you’re interested) were used, ever the lucky ones I guess.
  2. I know the gap is small, my midwife is not to worried and luckily my first birth was not a C-section so atleast there’s slightly less worry there.
  3. The announcement was raised in a positive light, if husband has any worries however he may have raised them alone to his dad, which is fine ofc.
  4. They are not actively used for childcare and me and my husband both work so no financial burden to them either.
  5. Husband and I have already talked more permanent methods of birth control after this baby for all those worried. ✂️

I guess in my head it made me feel like they didn’t want the grandchild but I think that was me being silly ☺️

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 15/06/2025 11:41

I’m in the ‘context is everything’ camp. A perfectly nice bloke might say that to his son if the son was fretting and moaning about it. Maybe he’s worried about finances or how you’re going manage with sleep or child care. It’s not necessarily any reflection on you or your baby.

And as for this being ‘intrusive’. Sometimes family will have an opinion about us. And it may not be we you like. It’s doesn’t always mean they don’t care, or are judgey, or are trying to get in your business…

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/06/2025 11:34

Maybe your DH is less happy about the pregnancy than you are. How did he respond to his father and why did he tell you?

ASongbirdAndAOldHat · 15/06/2025 11:27

Userouno · 14/06/2025 22:23

Not such an odd private convo between father and son, definitely a bit awkward for it to be relayed back to you though!

Exactly.

It's not healthy this over analysing.

HoppingPavlova · 15/06/2025 11:20

Maybe be the DH went over and said ‘bloody hell, have another one in the way’, and FIL responded ‘well, why didn’t you use protection’?

Who knows, no one here was there when the DH told the FIL.

MakingPlans2025 · 15/06/2025 11:01

Could be worse my father in law asked if I knew who the father was 😵‍💫

museumum · 15/06/2025 10:58

This between a father and his son I think is a perfectly ok thing to ask.

It would have been inappropriate for a FIL to DIL but he didn’t ask you or in front of you.

NatWestPigFamily · 15/06/2025 10:30

My FIL shouted at me when we said we were having a second child. Said I’d told him I wasn’t going to have anymore kids. I never said that. People can be weird and intrusive.

Swipe left for the next trending thread