Page 3 | People who ring repeatedly when you don’t answer

Chocolatesplease · 2025-06-14T19:10:36+00:00

Aibu to think that people who ring you over and over again when you don’t answer are rude, attention seeking and a bit weird? Unless of course it’s an emergency. If I don’t answer the first call, what makes them think I’m going to answer the 2nd 3rd or 10th time? Sometimes I’m having a shower or my phone is in another room on charge and I’ll go to it and there’ll be 20 missed calls. Or I might be at work. Any number of reasons why I can’t answer. It’s a certain few people who do this. Mobile phones have missed call notifications, so it’s obvious that someone will ring back when they can.

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:40

RampantIvy · 15/06/2025 21:38

Old cars won't have Bluetooth.

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But im literally talking about the people im closest to so I know what cars they have im not talking about random and aquatinces

RampantIvy · 15/06/2025 21:38

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:36

Why would someone not be able to answer when driving. I don't know anyone who can't answer their phone through their car

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Old cars won't have Bluetooth.

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:36

BMW6 · 15/06/2025 21:27

If they're dead on the floor your actions won't make them alive again!

What if you ring someone who's driving and can't answer?

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Why would someone not be able to answer when driving. I don't know anyone who can't answer their phone through their car

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 21:28

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:19

Well you know the saying mental health matters until someone starts showing symptoms on their illness

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That’s not the saying. Mental health DOES matter hugely. But individuals need to be empowered to seek their own treatments and try and fix their own minds as best as they can. You cannot treat mental
health issues by relying on everyone else to modify their behaviour to make you feel more comfortable.

Have you ever considered that your behaviour negatively impacts on other people’s mental health? It would on mine! So whose is more important?

BMW6 · 15/06/2025 21:27

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 19:37

They wouldn't be saying that if their dead on the floor

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If they're dead on the floor your actions won't make them alive again!

What if you ring someone who's driving and can't answer?

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:19

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 21:11

Of course not everybody’s anxiety or trauma is the same but there is never an excuse for making it everyone else’s problem like you are doing. Sure, people can support you if they so choose but your behaviour really is quite extreme.
I mean, look - if your friends and family really are happy to accommodate it then who am I to argue. I just know I would find this type of behaviour absolutely suffocating

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Well you know the saying mental health matters until someone starts showing symptoms on their illness

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 21:11

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:00

So im sure you understand not everyone's anxiety and trauma is the same

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Of course not everybody’s anxiety or trauma is the same but there is never an excuse for making it everyone else’s problem like you are doing. Sure, people can support you if they so choose but your behaviour really is quite extreme.
I mean, look - if your friends and family really are happy to accommodate it then who am I to argue. I just know I would find this type of behaviour absolutely suffocating

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 21:09

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:01

But do you reply back when she texts or do you ignore it as i feel this is the difference

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I reply back or call back when it is convenient for me. She is totally fine with that and it works the same the other way around.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 15/06/2025 21:08

My ex sil had this from her parents.

Sometimes she would be napping upstairs in her house when she was pregnant. Her mother would come by unannounced and ring the doorbell. Ex sil sometimes heard the be sometimes not. If she didn't, then her mother would keep her finger on the doorbell, ring her mobile and get her husband to call the landline all at the same time.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/06/2025 21:04

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:59

I don't need to know where they are i need to know their alive

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But you said you know everyone's routine so well you know when to call them.... that's not normal or right.

This dynamic is not healthy, your friends and family enabling this dysfunction are not being great, they're setting you up for even more emotional trauma. Your expectations are not tenable for the long term because one of them will die.

TangerinePlate · 15/06/2025 21:04

Whosenameisthis · 15/06/2025 14:14

Yep.

i work shifts so put my phone on dnd when I’m sleeping in the day.

some people will deliberately double ring to get round the dnd (if someone rings twice immediately it allows it through in case it’s an emergency, and I will usually answer in case it’s an emergency)

they know I work shifts, and sleep in the day, but for some reason they conclude I just missed their call when I don’t answer.

if I call them out it’s “oh well it’s 11am you’ll be getting up soon”. No, I got to bed at 9am and am working at 7pm. I need sleep!

I have worked shifts for nearly 20 years, btw, it’s not a new thing!

Working the same hours and I’d go apeshit with repeat offenders or started calling them every hour in the night as “they would be getting up soon anyway”

Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 15/06/2025 21:02

lilaclemon · 15/06/2025 19:38

Isn’t it rude to not answer a call from someone, especially when they try repeatedly. OP, you’re rude and wrong.

How on earth?! There are very obviously times when people would be unable to answer a phone no matter how many times someone insisted on calling.
One call should be enough to let someone know you are trying to contact them.

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:01

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 20:50

Nobody is getting offended by ONE phone call. I have a friend who I don’t see often who will sometimes call me for a chat. If I don’t answer, she will drop me a text saying “not urgent, just wanted to say hi xx” which I am more than fine with.

Repeatedly ringing someone because you think you deserve their immediate attention is totally rude

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But do you reply back when she texts or do you ignore it as i feel this is the difference

RampantIvy · 15/06/2025 21:01

Repeatedly ringing someone because you think you deserve their immediate attention is totally rude

@WhereIsMyJumper TBH the only people that repeatedly ring are the hospital (DH has multiple health issues) or potentially family with something so urgent or delicate that a message would be inappropriate.

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 21:00

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 20:54

Just to add, I am no stranger to anxiety or trauma. But I try my damned hardest not to make it anybody else’s problem

So im sure you understand not everyone's anxiety and trauma is the same

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:59

TomatoSandwiches · 15/06/2025 20:52

Needing to know where everyone is and contacting them under the threat if they don't respond quickly enough for you then your behaviour will escalate even to damaging property certainly is abusive even if your intentions from your pov are protective.

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I don't need to know where they are i need to know their alive

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 20:54

Just to add, I am no stranger to anxiety or trauma. But I try my damned hardest not to make it anybody else’s problem

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 20:53

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:34

So tell me how to fix it then

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How on earth am I supposed to do that? I’m not a professional. But you’re asking me how to fix it and obviously whatever you have tried so far isn’t working. You are incredibly lucky that your friends and family put up with this type of behaviour. Personally, I think they are enabling you. I don’t know one person in my life who would stand for this behaviour.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/06/2025 20:52

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:49

No i have amazing friends, me messaging and calling friends is not abusive behaviour, about 20 years

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Needing to know where everyone is and contacting them under the threat if they don't respond quickly enough for you then your behaviour will escalate even to damaging property certainly is abusive even if your intentions from your pov are protective.

WhereIsMyJumper · 15/06/2025 20:50

RampantIvy · 15/06/2025 20:25

Only mumsnetters get offended if they get a phone call.

I think it is ridiculous.

The irony that the caller is so full of self importance that they dare to make a phone call seems to have been missed by the recipients of the phone calls who also think they are too important to answer them.

For the record, I always message before ringing someone to see if they are free, but I don't get my knickers in a twist if someone rings me.

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Nobody is getting offended by ONE phone call. I have a friend who I don’t see often who will sometimes call me for a chat. If I don’t answer, she will drop me a text saying “not urgent, just wanted to say hi xx” which I am more than fine with.

Repeatedly ringing someone because you think you deserve their immediate attention is totally rude

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:49

TomatoSandwiches · 15/06/2025 20:47

@feelingbleh have you not lost a good amount of friends because of this abusive behaviour? How long have you been doing this to people?

No i have amazing friends, me messaging and calling friends is not abusive behaviour, about 20 years

TomatoSandwiches · 15/06/2025 20:47

@feelingbleh have you not lost a good amount of friends because of this abusive behaviour? How long have you been doing this to people?

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:46

PennywisePoundFoolish · 15/06/2025 20:44

Have you told them about the specific phonecall and demands you make on your friends and family?

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Yeah but its not something they've really been able to help with

PennywisePoundFoolish · 15/06/2025 20:44

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:40

Yes iv been under the cmht for years

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Have you told them about the specific phonecall and demands you make on your friends and family?

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 20:40

PennywisePoundFoolish · 15/06/2025 20:39

Have you had any professional help, counselling CBT? You've had a traumatic experience and that's awful. But the demands your placing on everyone seems to be continuing to fuel the anxiety.

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Yes iv been under the cmht for years