Father’s Day and Mil

I agree with this. My mum will sometimes get me a wee thing on mother's day just to say thank you for raising her Grandkids but she does it from her, not from my kids.

But does MIL give her DIL love and attention on Mother’s Day as well? You know for carrying and birthing her GC?

I hope she got you something on Mother’s Day if she got your husband something on Father’s Day. Because you are the mother of her GC and her DIL and if his efforts as a dad gets recognized your efforts as a mom should as well. And as far as overstepping if the gift was signed from your DS that’s way overstepping that’s your role as your DS’s mother to initiate gifts on behalf of your son you are his mother and because of you he is the father to your child so in that aspect that has nothing to do with your MIL. Now if MIL got him a Father’s Day gift signed from her then that’s normal but again as long as she recognized you on Mother’s Day as well

I’m with you OP! In fact I was going to write a similar post to this… but now I don’t need to 😂.

Father’s day gifts and cards should come from a child towards their own father / father figure. Anyone is else is overstepping.
Don’t need my MIL to tell my DH what a wonderful father he is, my own kids do that as he is their father. She sees him once a month, if that, so she’s clutching at straws and wants to make herself look good. So really it’s all about her, not him.

Get him better presents? Why?

It’s over stepping. She’s not the child’s mother it’s not her role to get gifts for the dad from the child.

My mum gets me a small gift and flowers for Mother’s Day, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

I have no idea which bit you’re questioning, tbh. But, yes, really.

Wow.

some of these posts, that’s so hard.

for us, advent calendars, stockings, whatever, all fine. When to many I can donate.

but buying dad or mum a gift from child, when other parent not only present but together with a family unit, nope.

I would get it in a separation situation. Or in a here’s a gift son from your mum situation, but this is weird OP. I hope you are ok.

I find this really odd and overstepping OP. I can’t imagine doing it if either of my sons became fathers only if the mother wasn’t in the picture.

Really?

I really like my MIL, but this would annoy me.

Totally fine to do a “here’s a gift because I think you’re doing a wonderful job as a father”.
She shouldn’t be writing it from the son though.

Im seperated now so it's a non issue but i personally find this ick purely because I know I would have helped ds (2.5) to create a fathers day gift/artwork etc or taken him out to pick out a present. So it would actually be from HIM. So if my mil then picked out a gift on his behalf that'd kind of undermine ds gift to his dad.

I'm wondering how does this work in another year or so when your ds is getting his own presents? She would need to back off then. I personally wouldn't like this as it would make me feel like she doesn't think I'd think/ care enough to sort that out myself as a wife and mother.

I think when your kid is big enough to notice I would say to her oh don't worry about buying dh a gift from X this year, I'll be taking X to pick out his own gift and I think dh will really appreciate that he's chosen it.

This would really annoy me too! I’ve never heard of any mums/MILs doing this before, I think it’s nice for a husband and wife to do it for each other from their child. If my MIL did this, it would piss me off.

I would hate this too! Not the getting a gift but signing it from your DS. Mega overstep, but like you I would probably not mention it and save the boundaries for the bigger things. My
MIL calls DS “her baby” absolutely hate it but figure in the grand scheme of things it’s fine and just smile and ignore

I made my mil stop buying my kids advent calendars because that was something a mum should do and not a granny!
Who says?
My mum bought my kids the advent calendar until they were 14. And why not?
She also gave them money from the tooth fairy as an extra bonus!
My nan did the same for us.
I dont get all this angst and resentment about who ' should' buy what.
I was happy that my parents ( and Dh's) cared about them to do stuff like that.

Buying DH something to acknowledge him being a great dad is absolutely fine. Buying a gift and card and marking it from DS feels like overstepping. My two year old loves "writing" cards - I know that means a lot to DH and I love doing that with him. I can't understand why MIL wouldn't want to give mum the opportunity to do that. If you feel able to, I would say something. I also had to do it with advent calendars @allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld - MIL has been buying her son advent calendars for 40 years, I want to do it for mine!

this absolutely.

I understand why you are annoyed, even though it's not entirely logical.

I wouldn't care at all if my in-laws got DH something for Father's Day... but I'd find it a real overstep if they gave it on behalf of my DC. I'm their mum and that's my job (and DH's for other events).

@Flazidah tell her tomorrow that she must not do it next year. it is your job and not hers. I made my mil stop buying my kids advent calendars because that was something a mum should do and not a granny!

I think this is the crux of the issue and only going to become more so when your child starts making his own cards etc. I would mention it, personally, and frame it that way.

I’m popping it on here because it is just good to get the thought out
You could have done that on the relationship board which would have been more suitable maybe.

It seems to come in the context of an already over bearing MiL anyway, it might have been dismissed as a nice gesture from a MiL who had boundaries, but from the OP's original post, that seems not to be the case so it's yet another thing to undermine her.

The issue for me would be that she's doing it on dgc behalf not herself as a well done dad kind of thing. I don't know what I would do about it though as it's not something my mil would have done.