Am I controlling for asking for these boundaries after birth

Totally sensible and fair. Best of luck x

Excuse the typos...toddler was helping

I had 2 x EMCS under GA.

When I woke after the first one the baby was tightly wedged in next to nose to nose and was the first thing I saw, when I said “what is it” it was the baby’s sex I was asking about 😂

When I woke the from the second DH was standing right next to the bed holding the baby so again I saw them immediately. I don’t recall seeing anyone else on the first day.

All completely reasonable. I had pph with dc1 and I was very poorly foe around a month after. Dc2 was thankfully straight forward birth and I was fine but dc wasn't. Nothing too serious just made it harder to establish breastfeeding.

I made it clear that were to be NO visits for the first 2 weeks. This even included my parents who live abroad. Everyone was amazing. MIL did a shop for us and deopped ready for the oven food to us, ran errands and even did the odd school run for us when dc2 arrived. Never once complained and came no further than the front hallway.

We were clear but kind. And we then had everyone over in dribs and drabs. It worked for us and empowered my SIL to set similar boundaries when she had her third.

This is your family and health and well being. Do whay feels right and if you feel well enough to have guests sooner than you can make that choice.

I wasn't comfortable with the wider family sewing me at my lowest and most vulnerable post delivery.

Good luck and stand strong x

Umm, no. If she cannot move for weeks, it will be fine for Dad to take baby on short outings (assuming breastfeeding, it will be pretty short). He also needs to bond with the baby. And she needs sleep and time to heal. It's not punishment for Dad to introduce the baby to his family and friends, assuming mum is out of hospital and recovering well and bonding well with baby.

Your boundaries are all sensible. Apart from a very brief glimpse I didn’t get to meet my DS until he was 13hours old. Meanwhile DH and both sets of GPs spent hours gazing at him in his incubator. Luckily it was before camera phones so no photos shared.

I wouldn’t set these firm boundaries in place ahead of time (except maybe the photos one if you’re unwell and haven’t met your baby yet) because you don’t know what you’ll need/want yet.

I would say to everyone “as you’re aware, my c section is high risk and because we don’t know what will happen, could you please be patient with us after the birth and we will let you know what we need and when. We know you’re very excited to meet the baby so we will let you know as soon as you can what we can manage around visits but we don’t want to make any arrangements ahead of time given the uncertain nature of the procedure”

Then tell your DH to direct any questions to him and what your boundaries are and let him be the one fielding any questions after the birth so you can focus on healing.

Most very near family visit after surgery.

in many hospitals, they are thankfully not allowed. Other patients don't need that influx of unwanted visitors when they are resting. Communal wards are still very much a thing in England. Many don't allow visitors, or more than 1 visitor.

it's different to give the new mum a chance to rest, and taking the baby away because she can't move following surgery.

So no, allow the new mum to bond and spend the time she wants and needs with her own baby before taking him on unnecessary outings. It's like punishing a mum who had surgery, that's ridiculous

Most very near family visit after surgery. They are not kept away. However why not ask for a private time with baby and DH? Also say no visitors if you don’t want anyone for a day. As DH managed 20 minutes with me and DD2 on her first day, I’d have given anything for someone to think more of me and baby. At least you think your family do want to see you.

they're still irrelevant for a new baby. They will have plenty of time to meet the child much later. It's none of their business unless and until the MOTHER invites them.

It is your body, your baby, and no photos + no hospital visitors makes perfect sense. You set down whatever boundaries you like.

As for others meeting baby... you have a dp. It's his baby, too. So if he wants to walk down the local with baby, meet friends or family... yes, you would be unreasonable to stop him.

And you really, really want to encourage dp to be independent in looking after baby. His parenting confidence will serve you and baby well for years to come.

You may not be ready for visitors. All fine. He may need friends. Also fine.

Surely we’re not talking about random strangers but immediate family - grandparents?

Normally I'd say it was a bit precious, but given your health condition and the risks you face, it's not unreasonable at all. Of course you don't want people seeing your baby before you!

when it's not imposing on a new mum to entertain any random who fancy having a "cuddle" with a child, it's not nuts. It's healthy.

No one impose visitors on someone who is having medical treatment or major surgery. Strange that when it's childbirth, the mother doesn't matter, and it's all about randoms fighting to be first to hold a baby. Baby doesn't care, baby only needs his mum and dad.

Not being unreasonable at all.

there is also a very easy solution to all of this. Have your DP well warned and onboard and just dont tell anyone when you are going in. That way no one else can overstep and you protect your peace

@BlueyNeedsToFuckOff ok. So that's someone to support the husband. What about someone to support the person, who is supporting the husband -they might find it worrying and stressful as well!

In reality it's going to be a busy hospital already without lots of additional random people. He's not having any procedures as far as we are aware and the whole thing shouldn't go on for that long

Your boundaries are spot on particularly as your delivery will be such high risk
I had my DS1 under GA for crash section and I woke up forgetting I'd had him, it look a while to get my head round it.
Don't let well meaning family talk you round, only agree with whatever works for you .

All pregnant mothers should make sure their birth partner knows not to send photos/allow visitors if there is a planned or unplanned section.

I had DD by EmCS under GA and was wheeled onto the ward to see my mum (who I didn't have a great relationship with) holding my newborn - that was my first sight of my first baby. Six other family members were also there and only one of them was my birth partner.

Thankfully (and miraculously), this didn't affect my bond with DD but it absolutely could have, especially when combined with the shock of a traumatic birth and emergency surgery.

My mum loved to tell everyone (including DD) how she was the first to hold her when she was born 🤬

The photo bit of fine. Making people wait weeks to see you baby is just nuts.

In this case he shouldn't need to get a say. Who in their right mind would think it was appropriate for grandparents and the wider family to see the baby when his/her Mum hasn't.

You are being very reasonable and anyone that says otherwise can get stuffed.

I would have far, far more boundaries than you and actually most of my friend group did. They all had rules that most of MN would get very up in arms over lol.

In real life it is normal to have certain boundaries and you'll learn quickly who the genuine people in your life are, by the respect you are given. Going forwards those are the people to surround yourself with as little one grows up ❤️

you know what I found sad?

i would prefer for no pictures to be sent of ds until i am fully awake and have met him.

that you need to make such requests.
Of course a mum should be allowed to see her child first, before any random sees photos! It's depressing if it even needs to be said, but well done for planning it.

I would find it massively unreasonable if your husband was even thinking about sharing photos before you even met your own child - hopefully it wouldn't even have occured to him anyway

He's not the one going through childbirth - in this context (and this context only) he doesn't matter that much.

I am all for equal parents, but not when there's only one recovering from childbirth or like here, major surgery.