Am I controlling for asking for these boundaries after birth

Sounds absolutely fine to me! I assume you perhaps have some "slightly trickier" relatives if you feel you need to establish these things beforehand, and I think it's sensible to manage expectations a bit. Play it by ear and see how you feel and DON'T be made to feel guilty if you need some time. Your recovery and bonding and needs of baby are the most important thing.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I would even go as far as not telling anyone other than your DP your scheduled date for delivery.
Now is the time to prioritise yourself.
The very best of luck OP. Wishing you and your baby a safe delivery

It doesn't matter op if people do this in 'real life' or not - at the end of the day, this is a really exciting, but also really daunting time for you and your body will be going through something massive. Its really important that you feel safe and comfortable during this time and as you recover so I think setting a few boundaries like this will probably really help you as you'll feel more in control of the things you can make decisions about.

I think the key in this will be making absolutely certain your other half is 100% behind you because they will need to be the ones enforcing your boundaries and challenging anyone who pushes them. So it's important they understand exactly why you are asking for what you're asking and how serious it would be for your relationship if they didn't uphold it when you needed them to.

I also had a very high risk pregnancy and planned section and I told everyone I didn't want to see anyone for at least a week after getting home from the hospital because I'm quite private and I knew I'd feel uncomfortable. My in laws knew this and were stood on my doorstep for us coming home and proceeded to visit every day. While I never said anything to them, I really massively resented them for it and it caused huge arguments between me and stbxh because he didn't have my back when I needed him. It got to the point they were disrupting ds feeding and midwives had to step in and I never forgot that stbxh listened to them but not to me.

I think it's completely understandable to want to be the first person to meet your own child and anyone who thinks otherwise is heartless.

I agree. You can do whatever you like, it's your baby, but don't complain later that people aren't willing to help you.

My relative had an emergency caesarean and was put under general, she didn’t have a say in who saw the baby before her as it was unexpected so as long as Dad (if around) has skin to skin if possible I think it’s best to put these plans in place for your bonding experience.

@Lmnop22 ’s wording is perfect. It’s important for others to realize that this won’t be a straightforward birth experience, you’re having high-risk surgery. Best of luck and congratulations on your new baby. 💐

Well I voted YANBU, but actually I think you’re being a bit unreasonable to yourself here, you need to set more boundaries. It’s a little concerning that you think you might be being unreasonable. Of course no one should be seeing photos of your baby before you’ve even seen them.

Where does she say she won’t let grandparents know? She just doesn’t want pics being shared when she hasn’t seen baby yet!

As someone who had a high risk section and baby went to nicu, I didn’t see him for ages and I also would have been devastated if everyone had seen pics before me. The visitor rules are fine too, you haven’t said no visitors, your said when you feel up to it which could be 2 days or two weeks, but you will decide when you know how you are!

I’m usually an eye roller but this all seems sensible and not in the least diva-ish. If I were you I’d welcome visitors who will actually help - you know who those are.

I think you are very reasonable. No one has to see your baby until you have. And even when you have they can wait till you feel up to sharing a photo.

No hospital visitors is exactly what I did 2nd/3rd time round…I don’t need my DB or DBin law there as I try and establish BF. Or anyone there when all I need is sleep! Visitors after a baby are hell in my opinion!

And when you get home of course it should be on your terms. But if they come earlier than wanted just disappear to your room with baby for a nap.

leave them to do dishes and help out!

Oh the other thing with me was my babies were the most beautiful perfect creatures in the world and I couldn't wait to show them off. Maybe I'm just a show off but do bear in mind when the time comes you might feel like being a show off like me and actually want to show them off. Great to have a plan but nothing wrong with being flexible if your feelings change.

Will you definitely be under a general? I lost a lot of blood during my caesarean and needed a transfusion but I didn’t get put under so saw the baby immediately. But no, YANBU.

Really? If you look at my posts on here you will se that I am totally in favour of people being able to make, and stand by, their own decisions. However, the thought of a loving grandparent not being told about a new baby for a week, makes me feel uncomfortable. I am a grandparent and if that had happened to me, I would have felt very hurt and upset. I can understand a new mum wanting space, but I think perhaps this is going a bit too far.
Just advise everyone of the birth and say that you would like some time alone with your husband and baby and will let people know when you are up for visits.
My granddaughter did this. She wanted three days alone with her husband and new baby. We all respected that, and it was fine. We have all had lots of chances to see them once she was ready, and she didn’t resent us for insisting on seeing them.

Yes but these things seem like reasonable requests, given the circumstances around this particular birth.

I had an emergency c-section but was lucky enough for it to be done with an epidural so I saw my son almost immediately. It was actually really nice for my husband to be the first to hold him for quite a while afterwards while they were putting my insides back together!

I had just my parents & best friend visit while I was in hospital (3 days - they both asked if it was OK) & then we had a blissful few days alone until PIL, SIL with her 2 young kids & other SIL/BIL descended for an entire bloody Saturday - exactly 1wk after birth!

They live 2hrs drive away & I don't actually recall us being asked at all - it was just sort of assumed on their part, when my husband rang to tell them the news, that they'd come at the earliest opportunity, which was the weekend, due to work/school.

It was utterly fucking exhausting & I wished I'd been myself enough to put them all off for at least another week. I was still in pain/discomfort & finding moving around quite a drag. My son was still getting to grips with feeding & needed complete calm/quiet, otherwise he just screamed.

My niece/nephew needed entertaining, so they whined & kicked a football around our garden & properly wound the poor dog up. Everyone wanted endless drinks & all the women just wanted to pass the baby round like he was a bloody prize.

My MIL thought she was making it easy for me by bringing a load of buffet food & preparing it in my kitchen but all that actually did was really irritate me - she kept asking where things were, made such a mess, put stuff back in the wrong place, moved all the food on my fridge around, etc. I know she was trying to be nice & reading this back, I sound a right cow, but I was sore, hormonal, knackered & just wanted everyone to fuck off!! 😮‍💨

I had an EMCS and I absolutely agree with the photos as only DH saw baby before me. I had lots of visitors when I was in hospital, I found it easier as strict visiting times, MIL couldn't be too dramatic with witnesses. Then I got home and had a few quiet days before we had any visitors.

I think we can all view things differently but for me visitors in hospital was definitely better but if it doesn't suit you then you do what does. The nice thing about hospital is no one is expecting to be entertained.

I sincerely hope that everyone resepcts your very reasonable requests. Good luck when the time comes, hope all goes as smoothly as possible and you make a good recovery

All perfectly reasonable. Don't use the word "boundaries" when talking to people about it as it puts people's backs up and they don't listen.

Tell them you'll let them know about visitors after you have your already extra high risk major surgery.

Make sure your husband is fully on board and understands the assignment. You wishes are your needs. Your needs are his priority so you can safely birth your child. YANBU. Good luck.

@Anonforthisone1 think it is the grandparents who will need the boundaries more than the normal visitors, have you thought about not telling anyone of the birth for a week to get back to semi normal??

I’m not sure I could forgive that! How dare they!

I didn’t tell people they couldn’t come but I also didn’t welcome people until I felt ready with my second and that was just because I wanted some time to physically and mentally recover (and from a very basic and straightforward birth). You are not being unreasonable at all.

Absolutely fine to do this, makes me wonder who would ever vote YABU! Hoping for a safe delivery and healing recovery time for you @Anonforthisone1 xoxo