Am I controlling for asking for these boundaries after birth

Yes I think you’re being reasonable.
I’d say to DP to take photos to show you when you wake but please don’t send to anyone until I’m awake and have held our baby!….
Personally I think it’s normal curtesy to not send pictures and to let you rest.. anyone who sees it differently is a dick and I wouldn’t want them in my life at all.
Your DP should send a simple message after the birth purely saying baby is born, mum is recovering.. photons and updates to follow when @Anonforthisone1 is awake and has met him/her

We can be friends!!! Girl set those boundary’s ensure everyone understands and gets the memo!!! I say to all my friends be selfish and do it now before people try and take over! When my first was born we didn’t feed on demand and had a schedule from the moment we walked though our front door, people would literally need appointments ok by me! Wash you hands no kissing no sending pics to others unless I ok!. I don’t even care if they thought I was crazy! We visited husbands elderly nan and wanted to feed her… she started crying as soon as she held her (strong perfume) and all Nan kept saying was aw let me feed her shel be ok then. She was due a feed 3 hours later!!!! I said no at least 5 times before I took her back soothed her and she fell asleep. Yes I could have let her feed her but it wasn’t on MY SCHEDULE and why would I make extra work for myself being off schedule causing problems! No no no. Huni do you and just make sure your husband is on same page in same book. You may need back up.

@Anonforthisone1 YOU need to get your partner on board with you here. absolutely no visitors and no pics to be sent to anyone at all, and that includes grandparents. you have the right to see your baby and start bonding before anyone else sees baby.

No YANBU. Why should everyone else get to see your new baby before you do? Perfectly reasonable request in my opinion.

I can understand you wanting to meet your baby before pics get sent out, but as long as your partner knows this then it won't happen. As he will be the only person likely to take pics.

YANBU at all. Good luck xxx

Totally different circumstances but no one got sent a photo of my second child till my first born had met them. It was important to us as a family of three growing to a family of four that we all met the new little one first. Baby arrived around 10am. I had to go to theatre afterwards so my firstborn didn't meet the baby till 2pm ish. We never felt the need to set this as a boundary. Just said on the day once dc1 has met them a photo will be sent.

I guess it very much depends on the family dynamics. You must of had previous issues to be concerned.

I wish you a smooth birth and speedy postpartum recovery x

And because it’s just a picture, and it doesn’t really matter, it’s also ok to delay sending photos for a few hours right? I mean none will see their life irremediably changed if they wait a couple of hours or even half a day.

Not so long ago, you wouldn’t see any photos for days. My oldest dc was born early 2000. We still had dial up internet. My parents didn’t get pictures for a few days by email (had to stay in hospital for a few days). Nor did my parents in law (who didn’t have a computer!). They didn’t die.
Nor will anyone Nowdays not receiving a photo 10 mins after the birth.

Very reasonable.
We had a no birth announcements/ pictures on social media rule for our families and I met my baby straight away! I just didn't want everyone posting public pictures of him and announcing they'd become an auntie etc.. on fb before I'd got my bearings.
Also we just had our parents visit in the hospital and everyone else had to wait until we got home. I didn't want everyone coming to the hospital. (Both from big families with lots of siblings nieces/nephews.. So I just did a blanket "only our parents at the hospital" rule.)

You are being very controlling.
But it’s understandable as you go into a situation you have no control over.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries but also relax them quickly afterwards because all has gone well.

I think you are fine. Tell your birth partner that you are happy with them sending a text saying something like

“ @Anonforthisone1 and I are delighted to announce the baby was born this am at ten past ten, @Anonforthisone1 and the baby are both well, pictures to follow”

edited to remove too many fine!

When I read your title I thought oh no another no inlaw visits for 6 months, maternal GP’s allowed in the delivery suite but I was wrong, I think your boundaries are absolutely fine.

It sounds OK to me - provided you say it nicely and explain that it will be an overwhelming time for you and you will need peace and relaxation.

When I had an operation many years ago, my Mum and Dad travelled to see me before the op. I had had the pre-med and was feeling very sleepy but felt I had to try and talk to my parents. I felt very rude and uncomfortable about that. They did it with the very best intentions but it was hard.

It absolutely blows my mind that anyone would question your desire to limit the amount of people who see your child via a photo before you get a chance to lay your own eyes on the child that YOU grew, nurtured and longed for the arrival of.

I think thats fine that you want to be the first 1/2 people to see your baby.

Do you have FVL? There was a chance I would have a C section under GA (ended up vaginally instead) the dr warned DH that baby sometimes need more oxygen/help getting going from GA C sec which can alarm dads if they aren't briefed ahead of time, just an FYI in case helpful!

OP I usually think people are being precious but this is totally reasonable. Your situation sounds stressful and I wish you all the best!

I was quite ill with first and dh needed his mums support while I was ill in hospital and very traumatised after birth. He supported me then he would go out to his mum for cuddle and a pep talk. She never came in, never asked to see baby as she was there to support dh and she was fab. Fil was coffee delivery person. Dh says he was so glad they were there to support him.

The visitors thing is entirely reasonable, if you’re not in a mental or physical state to have visitors then so be it.

The photo thing, however, is rather silly, it doesn’t make the slightest difference whether you are the first to see the baby or not (in fact as a c-section, they’ll be passed over to you and your partner at the same time, and it’s quite likely that your partner will be carrying him around to be checked, etc as you’ll be flat on your back being stitched up).

I mean how far do you take that? Should parents see them before friends, close friends before less close friends, etc. can your DH send a picture to his parents if you’re unavailable, or do they have to wait to see their grandchild until you give the say so??

It really doesn’t matter at all, it’s a picture.

It sounds fine to me. Say what is important to you. Maybe write it down and look at it in a couple of days and see if it still feels so important. If you don’t speak up you will regret it.

After I had my first child my partner phoned his mother and said that our baby had been born and we were well etc and not to come in yet coz I was knackered and in a corridor and he would be in contact. Of course she came barging in within an hour with a big ‘I couldn’t keep away’. She just picked our baby up and started walking up and down the wards and corridor. She held my baby before me and I have never forgotten it.

I clicked on this fully expecting it to be unreasonable but I don’t think any of these are. With the second two, I’d prepare people that you likely won’t want visitors but keep it open. I had pph after my first birth and desperately needed the extra support both in the hospital and at home as I felt so weak and drained. However it was 2020 and I couldn’t have anyone, it was a very challenging time.

Your boundaries are absolutely reasonable and sensible OP.
It makes me sad and angry that women are routinely vilified and mocked on here for asking for space and respect during and after childbirth.
How dare anyone else criticise a woman asking for what she needs in that situation. It’s her that’s gone through a major physical and emotional experience and her who needs to recover and process. Yes there’s a new baby and everyone is excited but their excitement has to come after the needs of mum, baby and dad.

I find it toxic to expect otherwise.

This seems totally appropriate. Surely people wait to be asked / agree a time for visiting and should take their lead from you. Sending happy vibes hope all goes well

FFS family & friends are NOT randoms.

i agree the OP should see the baby first, but a chat to DH should clear that up, in his excitement to show his parents he might not think about it like that.

@Anonforthisone1 they are very reasonable 'boundaries' but I might word them a little differently.

It does depend on you & your friends/family though as I would have wanted my parents there & my best friend.