Am I controlling for asking for these boundaries after birth

Congratulations on your lovely new baby! I'm glad everything went well, notwithstanding the pph.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

That’s great news! Congratulations mama!!!

Congratulations on the birth of your little one and glad it went ok!

That’s a really good outcome!

And massive congratulations on the birth of your son 🎉🎉

Totally agree with all of the above it’s what you need and tell staff of your boundaries for the hospital too x

When my niece was born by c-section, she was taken away immediately and a nurse asked me to accompany him. I spent more time with my niece straight after her birth than my sister did. I can see why OP doesn't want pictures until she is awake and able to meet her baby first.

Agree with this. Usually these threads are full of over precious nonsense, but yours is literally just from the health side of things.

I think a message to family and friends expressing that you don't know how you will be after the birth, due to it already being known to be complicated means that they may have to wait for news and visits.

I think you are being completely reasonable here. You have inferred you've been called silly for wanting that. Just to be clear, you are not in the slightest and you are also being pragmatic that should something go quite wrong and you be quite unwell for a period of time, your husband will need support with the toddler.

So I would build on the earlier suggestion with
"As you’re aware, my c section is high risk and because we don’t know what will happen, could you please be patient with us after the birth and we will let you know what we need and when. We know you’re very excited to meet the baby so we will let you know as soon as it is practical what we can manage around visits either in the hospital or at home, BUT we don’t want to make any arrangements ahead of time given the uncertain nature of the procedure. We would really appreciate it if you could respect this. It was upsetting last time around to find photos of <child> had been widely shared before I'd even regained consciousness and met him/her myself.
Obviously, if the worst happens all bets are off as DH will need your support with <child 1> while he is in the hospital with me and our new baby. I would still appreciate if pics were kept within immediate family and not shared onwards until I am stable and able to meet my own baby. Thanks

They might call that controlling. If they do, they are being utter arses and you owe them nothing. Be as clear and firm as you want, this is your high risk delivery and they can all FF off.

Oh that's horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.

You need a conversation with your partner, and explain this to him, why this is important to you and how much it upset you before. Hopefully he will be fully supportive.

Wishing you so much luck for a healthy delivery x

@Anonforthisone1 I have no advice to add but I just want to wish you well with everything and fwiw I don't think that yabu at all and that you also sound like a lovely DIL.

OP I'm a little confused about the logistics here.

After a GA I'm assuming you would be awake and able to meet your baby fairly quickly, within around 2 hours?

Can your DP not just message parents/whoever else to say "all went well and baby is here - details to come once @Anonforthisone1 is awake"?

When I had both my births - straightforward ones - we did not ring our parents until 2-3 hours afterwards once I was stitched up, and had eaten and showered.

I do not think there is anything wrong with you wanting to wait for photos etc - I'm just wondering why you appear to feel like your DP will need to send photos etc the moment baby is passed to him? Especially if you keep time/date of op to yourselves. What does he say about this?

Then they show up to help with the toddler. Have them to stay with them.

It's not because they need to see the baby, it's because her partner needs help.

If OP was in a coma for the week, no one needs to see the baby, but her partner would struggle solo parenting newborn and older child while also worrying about OP. They'd be there to help him, not to see the baby. The same way it's perfectly fine for a new mum to want a relative such as their mum to come help look after them for them rather than for them to be coming to see baby.

No it doesn’t. No one NEEDS to see your baby before you except the medical people involved (and obviously your husband)

There is absolutely no reason why everyone else can’t wait.

I also can’t imagine why anyone who actually cares about you would not understand this.

You would not be silly to want to see your little baby before others see photos, my god. This is high stakes stuff and your wishes are important. Good luck to you all

Completely sensible OP. I'm another one who was expecting to say you're being daft, but in the circumstances I think you're completely right.

I also think it's quite telling that those who are disagreeing with you haven't read the OP properly!

@Anonforthisone1OP do not for one second take a blind bit of notice of a single person here who has made you feel silly for wanting to see your own baby before everyone else. Your boundaries are an absolutely fine. It’s YOU who is going through this and YOUR BABY.

Screw everyone else.

I hate these threads as they always bring out the entitled granny’s.

Congratulations OP, I sincerely hope everyone respects your boundaries and I wish you a smooth section and a speedy recovery xx

That's why it's good for you both to chat about different scenarios before the birth.

All well and you meet baby 1 hour after birth? Obviously there's no need for anyone to even know baby has been born until after you meet them.

If things go wrong and you're in a coma for a week? If baby is healthy and able to go home it just isn't feasible to suggest your partner looks after baby and any other kids completely solo for a week while worrying about you. They'd need help. If they're decent people absolutely no one will be deriving any satisfaction from the circumstances, they'd much rather baby was with their mum.

Whatever happens your baby will know you're their mum, they have grown inside you for the past 9 months. They know your voice, they're already bonded to you.

This. Exactly.

Good luck. I hope it goes well and you recover quickly and beautifully.

You are doing everything right. Post birth hormones heighten everything at the best of times, and your situation has added stress; so best to get these things in place so you and those around you can be confident that you're adamant about your wishes, with no wiggle room when you're most vulnerable. Ignore the naysayers on here. I hope your experience goes well.