To be furious about inevitable menopause

Nothing happened to me. Absolutely nothing. No hot flushes, brain fog, nothing. Just at 51 I stopped having periods.

So I’m 48 and still on the pill. I’ve used it to keep PCOS symptoms at bay. Some GPs won’t prescribe it this age but my main GP is fine as I don’t have any of the risk factors. I am worried about menopause and falling off a cliff if I suddenly stop so the plan is to move from the pill to high dose HRT and taper down from there. The pill I’m on is a low dose - I used to be on with a much higher die of oestrogen but it started giving me headaches etc so gradually tried various ones.

I think the problem with raising awareness of how early you can be Peri and all the horrible symptoms you can get means that it presents it at its worst.

I'm rapidly heading towards 50 with no peri as yet. I have to keep quiet because I don't want to upset people. Hopefully I won't be plagued with symptoms.

I feel sad I'm becoming old but then I remember friends and relatives who haven't got to see 40. Becoming old is something not every one gets to do.

Well said.

the one thing that makes me furious is the "menopause industry" who frighten younger women into believing that menopause is always awful and anyone not on HRT will shrivel up and die in short order.

And well said @QueenOfHiraeth

I am not a menopause denier because I work with women who are having a tough time, but I agree wholeheartedly with the above because I didn't have a tough time, and am glad to see that I am not the only one.

I’ve often wondered about this. I’m not denying the existence of menopause/peri-menopause or trying to minimise its effects on some women. But I have wondered how much of it might be due to the insane demands a lot of women in midlife face, as you say.

I feel similarly about post-natal depression. Again, a very real thing and I’m not seeking to minimise it. But when I had postnatal depression it was caused by having a bad birth injury, poor maternity care, struggling with breastfeeding, limited family support, and not getting any sleep. It wasn’t ‘intrinsic’ depression so to speak.

I wouldn't be wasting time worrying about it right now, you may breeze through it with a bit of luck.
If you do experience issues it's now relatively easy to get HRT and this does improve the symptoms.

It depresses me that, thanks to Davina and her “everyone should have HRT asap” campaign, women are worrying about the menopause when they’re barely past their child-bearing years. OP you shouldn’t even be thinking about the menopause yet. You could have another 10-15 years to go.

Sarah Vine wrote a piece about this a week or two ago. She says she was given HRT, took it for some years but weaned off it due to shortages during Covid. She says it has given her an amazing freedom in a kind of "no more fucks to give" way and she wishes she had been told about the possibility she could feel better without hormones

I’ve got some real bad news for you. You’re going to die eventually. That’s something else you can’t do anything about.

As a woman in her 60s who has gone through menopause and is now healthier and happier than before it, the one thing that makes me furious is the "menopause industry" who frighten younger women into believing that menopause is always awful and anyone not on HRT will shrivel up and die in short order.
My friends and I all went through this just before the menopause became big business. Only 2 of the group had HRT, 6 did not. All of us continued in our careers, none of us failed or gave up and those of us without HRT are not less healthy, less successful or more wizened than those with it

The thing is, your menopause may or may not be difficult (and there's help if it is) but once it's done and you no longer have those pesky nurturing hormones you will experience a clarity hitherto unknown. I dreaded the menopause but if I'd known how fabulous post menopause would be I'd have wanted to have !done it a lot earlier!

Why do you assume you will have all those things OP. From the age of 55 I got a bit hot at night sometimes and felt that I had a very short slightly befuddled phase of brain fog but that's all.

Better than the alternative?

Have a hysterectomy instead. It prevents prolapse and quite good at removing cancer also if that's what you think would be preferable

Nonsense I've been through menopause and don't have any brain fog. Nor anxiety. Did have a few hot flashes after having my womb and ovaries removed due to cervical cancer but I was mostly through it by then anyway.

Worst thing is the dry skin so costs me a fortune in decent moisturizer

Cant have her anyway as risk of cancer recurring is higher if I do apparently

Me too, I was warm in the night and had a few hot flushes after warm meals but they were short lived and not debilitating. The worst part for me was about six months of flooding every few weeks.

I found puberty far more distressing decades earlier than I did the menopause. Worked full time throughout.

What's the point in being furious and angry? It's a perfectly normal part of growing older that women have always gone through. It's just part of the cycle of life.

(61, had a natural menopause, no HRT)

I had to have full hysterectomy at 30 im now 39 and going through menopause symptoms I ditched HRT as it made me feel shite ive instead had the ones from boots and taking adult vitamins healthy diet etc and feeling alot better

I think you’re looking for trouble which might never come.

When I was your age, menopause hadn’t even entered my head! I was in my physical prime, and in “trying for a child” phase (had twins at 47).

I think I went through menopause while I was pregnant - periods never came back after I gave birth. I had no symptoms at all.
I’m now 53 and on HRT, but that’s preventative for bone/brain/heart etc health. I’m in a “big” job, and no brain fog etc and not remotely held back by meno.

Just assume you will not be impacted by menopause, and then if you are, deal with it in your 50s.

The answer is simple! Go on HRT. I divorced at 49 and had no time for the menopause. I was proscribed HRT and it was a game changer. I have had a wonderful time, plenty of energy and zest for life. If you still suffer from brain fog, it is easily cured with a few squirts of testosterone every week. Good luck!

I am absolutely not saying "just get on with it" I have friends who are having a terrible time so I know it isn't the same for everyone.

And becasue I know it isn't the same for everyone it also means that there are a lot of women who manage to get through it without the anxiety, brain fog, depression, anger etc etc etc.

I don't know anyone who didn't get hot flushes though. Even I got them, but they were warm glows rather than hot flushes.

I find this post interesting. To my mind, the poster is saying "just fucking get on with it". And that is not a bad thing...
I was able to "get on with it". Had a couple of brain glitches which the client (female 45) did not like. I then, in person, had a totally debilitating and embarrassing moment where I flooded in a meeting. Black trousers all the way but the stains were something else.
I continued for a couple of months until "everyone" (ie people my age) were "embarrassed". We advocated for 20+ year olds with gynae issues such as endometriosis - this was deemed acceptable, menopause was not.
And the comment "this is what gives women a bad name" - do you live in the 1980s and before?

You know some people don’t even notice it right? You might be totally fine and have no issues.