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Original poster

Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

332 replies

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 15:45

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

OP posts:
Melsy88 · 14/06/2025 16:19

I think the responses you're getting are harsh and I'm sure the responders have made decisions they later regret!!
Are you sure it's not just normal puppy blues? It took me a while to bond with my pup and I had many "what have I done" moments. 4 years later and I'm literally besotted with her

Nocd39 · 14/06/2025 16:19

MyHouseInThePrairie · 14/06/2025 16:09

Send the dog back to the owner.
It sounds like you’ve looked after the puppy well. But it’s creating health issues both for you (OCD) and your dc(allergies).

Now you know.
Sending the dig back will give that dig the chance of being with owners better suited to her.
Dint hesitate. Fir your and the dog’s sake

Counter-intuitively, things that trigger a persons OCD are actually good for keeping OCD under control. Think, not letting the OCD “win” and restrict their life. So if the OP returns the puppy (which I absolutely think they should for the puppy’s welfare) it’s likely their OCD will worsen. OP really needs to seek support for this

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:19

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:17

This is actually terrible advice/way of thinking. In 18 months she’ll have an almost 2 year old dog which will be harder to rehome.

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It wasn’t advice. I was just saying that in my experience, you don’t fall in love with a dog after a couple of weeks. I never have, and I am a great dog owner.
If the OP wants to rehome then rehome. I didn’t give my opinion on that.

Mydadsbirthday · 14/06/2025 16:18

You just said the kids have zero interest and in your next post you said the teens are helping a lot so she's getting a lot of attention.

I'm not joining the pile on but that's not clear. I think you should return her as you don't seem to be fully committed, although 2 weeks is no time at all to fall in love!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 14/06/2025 16:18

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:17

This is actually terrible advice/way of thinking. In 18 months she’ll have an almost 2 year old dog which will be harder to rehome.

Show quote history

It's accurate, though. "Puppy blues" are a real thing - it can take a while to really bond and fall in love.

Original poster
neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:18

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:15

Why would you adore her after a couple of weeks? You barely know her. It’s taken me about 18 months to really love my current dog.

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Well, most so far are saying that we should at this stage. How did you feel about yours in the first few months?

OP posts:
Alltheyellowbirds · 14/06/2025 16:17

Nocd39 · 14/06/2025 16:15

@Alltheyellowbirds the OP has a form of mental illness (OCD) which is an anxiety related condition and so they aren’t thinking rationally. Often OCD is associated with cleaning but can be around any irrational fear. It’s important the OP gets help with this

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Yes, sorry if I sounded insensitive to the condition, I just meant that such extreme anxiety around germs is obviously not a good fit for looking after a dog and it surprised me that they thought it would be a good idea.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:17

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:15

Why would you adore her after a couple of weeks? You barely know her. It’s taken me about 18 months to really love my current dog.

Show quote history

This is actually terrible advice/way of thinking. In 18 months she’ll have an almost 2 year old dog which will be harder to rehome.

redboxer321 · 14/06/2025 16:17

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

I don't think you're horrible people. I think the problem lies with the idea of animal ownership. It was just a mistake, a pretty big one, but you won't be the first nor the last.

BIossomtoes · 14/06/2025 16:16

Poor little fucker. You must have a heart of stone. Take her back to the breeder and never, ever think about getting another dog.

MrsDuskTilldawn2point0 · 14/06/2025 16:16

Wow, just give her back - sooner rather than later. I feel so sad for the little lump. We have two girl cockapoos, two weeks in they were practically family. 😔

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 14/06/2025 16:16

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

Of course you don't adore her - you've only had her for two weeks!

itsonlyjoan · 14/06/2025 16:16

saveforthat · 14/06/2025 15:59

God, I wish I hadn't read this. I lost my beloved dog a few weeks ago. I wish I could come and take her from you. Who can feel meh about a puppy?

I lost mine april he was 11 weeks old we are waiting till.aug to get a new doggy

Niceduck · 14/06/2025 16:15

Just call breeder and they won’t judge op, they will take back

It would have happened before. You won’t get your money back but I’m hoping that isn’t going to stop you

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:15

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

Why would you adore her after a couple of weeks? You barely know her. It’s taken me about 18 months to really love my current dog.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:15

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

I get the feeling you’re asking for permission to give back the puppy. I think you’ve received it loud and clear.

Please do it now while the puppy is still young.

Nocd39 · 14/06/2025 16:15

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/06/2025 16:06

Researching amputees from dog licks???? I don’t think you sound like an animal person. You’re doing the right thing giving him back to the breeder, but please do so quickly. The longer you leave it the more traumatic the move will be for the puppy, and the harder it will be for the breeder to find it a new home.

@Alltheyellowbirds the OP has a form of mental illness (OCD) which is an anxiety related condition and so they aren’t thinking rationally. Often OCD is associated with cleaning but can be around any irrational fear. It’s important the OP gets help with this

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 14/06/2025 16:14

tropicalteas · 14/06/2025 16:10

It’s actually quite difficult some will react to some cats/dogs and not others or they think they are ok and it’s only when they have a pet in their home 24/7 they react

Show quote history

No - it's really not that difficult. A good breeder will have you meet the puppy multiple times and spend a lot of time around them before allowing you to take them home.

DeSoleil · 14/06/2025 16:14

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

Nailed it.

Please, please do not keep the puppy as she will
soon become a burden in your eyes. Utter madness to get one in the first place given your attitude.

Niceduck · 14/06/2025 16:13

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

Yeah yeah

you got the dog and you were “mildly pro”

So it’s not about what has transpired since

Nocd39 · 14/06/2025 16:13

@neverwakeasleepingpuppy what were you thinking?! Getting a puppy if you feel half-hearted about it was a really silly choice. They are hard work, in some cases, for a couple of years. And it was entirely predictable the kids wouldn’t step-up. However, we all make mistakes and it’s good you’re taking responsibility for this. Definitely return the puppy asap to the breeder, hopefully they can be quickly rehomed.

On the OCD, are you diagnosed and getting help for this? You need to be doing what you can to manage this as and get it under control. As the puppy seems to have triggered this/made it worse, if you rehome puppy the OCD is likely to worsen. Sounds counter-intuitive, but as you may already know, if you do things that are “giving in to the OCD” it only gets worse. Feel free to PM and good luck

jesihar · 14/06/2025 16:12

Hoooray · 14/06/2025 16:02

It's absolutely insane that you bought a dog when you have that level of anxiety about dog licks. It was also nuts that you thought your kids would have sustained interest in caring for the dog - dogs should only ever be brought into the family when the adults really want them, not for the benefit to kids.

At this point it would be a trauma for her for you to return her as she has bonded to you, but I still think you should do it because the trauma will only be worse the longer you leave it. I don't think you should ever get a pet again.

This.

Although it is strange the breeder agreed on the sale in the first place. A lot of this could have been weeded out with proper discussion beforehand.

Original poster
neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:12

Well, the consensus is that we are horrible people which is fair enough, I am properly upset about it.

The thing is, it wasn’t a snap decision. We already have a much loved cat; we waited 2+ years until the dog could have proper space. In the meanwhile we dog-sat friend’s dogs to see what it was like and had no reason then to think about allergies - turns out that both of our friends dogs are non shedding types.

It’s also not about the work, it really isn’t. We have been sleeping on the couch beside her, outside playing for hours every day, she has lots of cuddles, toys, treats - it’s been tough but I don’t work and the teens are helping so she’s getting lots of attention.

We just don’t adore her and it’s a really tough and horrible thing to say but I think that’s the reality of it.

OP posts:
Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 14/06/2025 16:11

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

First post nails it ⬆️

redboxer321 · 14/06/2025 16:11

Returning her to her breeder is all you can do. Sadly, the breeder is likely to just sell her to the next unsuitable person who is willing to part with a substantial amount of cash. Or worse. It's just all very sad.