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Original poster

Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

332 replies

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 15:45

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

OP posts:
mumofthemonsters808 · 14/06/2025 16:39

Ring the breeder straight away and let her go, you will be doing the right thing. Learn from this experience dog ownership is not for you, don’t ever get a dog again.

ttcat37 · 14/06/2025 16:38

It’s normal not to feel a bond with the dog immediately. It’s not a baby, there’s no instinctive connection. But you do have to want to spend the hours, make the effort, do the classes and include the dog in order to create that bond. Allergies are difficult to get past and I’d say your defeatist attitude might indicate that dog ownership isn’t for you. There’s nothing wrong with being cat people.

RadiovTV · 14/06/2025 16:38

The puppy is harder work than you had anticipated and you are not enjoying dog ownership as much as you had hoped. You made an error of judgment, that's all. Let the puppy go back to the breeder and do not beat yourself up about it

Agree

Sherrytrifleforme · 14/06/2025 16:38

Get her back to the breeder as soon as you can. There is only a 16 week socialisation window for puppies where they learn how to socialise and get their confidence with all the new things they are experiencing. After that 16 week point if they haven’t been socialised properly/sufficiently they then need to be desensitised which is more difficult. Therefore please don’t put off your decision.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 16:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Neither do you sound very nice.

commonsense61 · 14/06/2025 16:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

godmum56 · 14/06/2025 16:37

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 14/06/2025 16:04

The puppy is harder work than you had anticipated and you are not enjoying dog ownership as much as you had hoped. You made an error of judgment, that's all. Let the puppy go back to the breeder and do not beat yourself up about it.

this. No its not ideal but you aren't selling pup to a dogfighting ring to use as bait or dumping her in a skip. hand the puppy back ASAP, take the lesson and move on. Oh and don't DO NOT do it again

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 14/06/2025 16:36

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:31

What’s normal is to be absolutely besotted with your puppy while at the same time having moments of “what in the hell have I gotten myself into”.

Being ‘meh’ or indifferent is not normal and is not fair on the puppy.

I don't know - I think sometimes feelings of overwhelm just take over, and you don't feel that "besotted" because you're so worried or on edge about the puppy and whether you've made the right decision.

Bringing a dog into your home is a huge lifestyle shock - being "besotted" with them doesn't necessarily make that any easier, sadly.

Nocd39 · 14/06/2025 16:36

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:31

I hadn’t used the term adore in my original post, just used it in follow on posts as people are using terms like adore, besotted, beloved, immediate unconditional love. I - very wrong it looks like - assumed that those kick in strongly after time, not day one.

Edited

I don’t think you’re unusual not to adore your puppy straight away-it’s normal for that bond to grow over time. I think though it sounds like having a puppy isn’t a good fit for your family and it’s important to be realistic about whether you’re going to be motivated to do all the training for 1 year or more. What does your OH think?

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 14/06/2025 16:36

BIossomtoes · 14/06/2025 16:33

Very true. You’ve hit the nail on the head.

Show quote history

My puppy was excellently cared for. Trained, fed, played with, given plenty of physical affection, mental stimulation etc, taken on lovely walks, trips out with the family, taken to the seaside, on family holidays.
I wasn’t besotted with her though, not until about a year old.
What wasn’t fair on her?

DarcyProudman · 14/06/2025 16:36

What breed is she?

Koazy · 14/06/2025 16:36

Send her back while she’s small and let another family take her. At least you’re honest.

Cakemaker1 · 14/06/2025 16:35

Fuckin hell unless this is a wind up take her back NOW. It's not a doll to play with as and when, it's a real life sentient being which you've now allowed to become attached to you, that someone else could have spent time with, Jesus. And as a PP says, please don't ever get a pet again.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 16:35

TwinklyOrca · 14/06/2025 16:20

Are you going to keep doing this until you find a dog you “adore”. Ergh, people like you are the worst.

No people jumping to irrational conclusions are 'the worst'

Toilichte · 14/06/2025 16:34

Give the puppy back to the breeder and don’t ever get another pet.

BIossomtoes · 14/06/2025 16:33

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:31

What’s normal is to be absolutely besotted with your puppy while at the same time having moments of “what in the hell have I gotten myself into”.

Being ‘meh’ or indifferent is not normal and is not fair on the puppy.

Very true. You’ve hit the nail on the head.

Melsy88 · 14/06/2025 16:33

BIossomtoes · 14/06/2025 16:28

Whether it’s unusual or not that puppy deserves someone who’s besotted with her.

Show quote history

I think it depends if being besotted has potential to grow or not!
It doesn't make you a better dog owner to be besotted from day one! Everyone is different and sometimes it takes time for the love to grow. And that's fine.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/06/2025 16:31

What’s normal is to be absolutely besotted with your puppy while at the same time having moments of “what in the hell have I gotten myself into”.

Being ‘meh’ or indifferent is not normal and is not fair on the puppy.

Original poster
neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 16:31

I hadn’t used the term adore in my original post, just used it in follow on posts as people are using terms like adore, besotted, beloved, immediate unconditional love. I - very wrong it looks like - assumed that those kick in strongly after time, not day one.

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/06/2025 16:31

Wtaf.You don't get a dog if your "mildly pro dog"

Timeforsnacks · 14/06/2025 16:31

I think as time goes on kids will spend even less time on the dog than they do during this new stage. As you got it for them it is a sign to say goodbye.
I think people should try and dogsit before they buy their own dogs and see how it goes first x

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 14/06/2025 16:30

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

This ^^

Zanatdy · 14/06/2025 16:29

I’d take her back. You do get unconditional love from a dog but it takes work in the early months. If your heart isn’t in it, quit now. Never get a dog for the kids.

WimbyAce · 14/06/2025 16:29

I'm not gonna give you a hard time. You have admitted you have made a mistake and are going to rectify it hopefully. I agree you should give the pup back and give it a chance of a home where it is loved.

EllieEllie25 · 14/06/2025 16:29

I think it’s brave to admit this and if you take her back to the breeder now you won’t have fucked up her life at all, she is still a cute little puppy and can go to someone else who will love her and be fine. If you kept her for 18 months, didn’t train her properly and then gave her to a rescue, then that would be the fuck up.

Dogs are a huge pain in the arse (as well as being wonderful companions!) and you have to really love them for the faff to be worth it.