To think this is a reasonable amount for a wedding gift

My DH said it to me when we were debating how much to give for a wedding present and he's never set foot on Mumsnet.

This. I got married 20-odd years ago, no-one gave us money, it was all gifts.

Plus yes, everything is more expensive now than it was then, but unfortunately this means most people have less spare money to give away.

Well, all I can say is that experiences vary.
I personally think £500 is ludicrous unless you're the Beckhams.

I know. I went to so many weddings 20 years ago, like I said. Some had wedding lists, where the going rate for gifts was £50. One friend asked in lieu for contributions for the builders on their extension, where the going rate was £50. One asked in lieu for contributions to their honeymoon, where the going rate was £50. £50 in 2025 has a fraction of the purchase power it did 20 years ago, and is tight AF.

No, 20 years ago in England, giving gifts was still the tradition. Giving money has been a fairly recent thing.
People used to have wedding lists, with gifts to suit every budget. Nowadays, because couples aren't starting out on a new life, gifts are less welcome, so money is the alternative. I don't think £50 is as "tight AF".

How much a fully grown working adult's parents gave you is irrelevant

I think £100 feels acceptable, £250 incredibly generous, £500 deranged.

how do you know how much it’s costing per head?

£50 is the amount everyone was giving back when our friends were all getting married en masse. 20 years ago. When the average house price was £114k and petrol was 87p/litre. £50 is tight AF in 2025.

Exactly I frequently have no idea prior to arriving at a wedding if it's a buffet catered by a family friend for ingredients costs at £10 per head or a 5 course gourmet meal for 20 times that.

My Dad was sales negotiator by trade, thanks to him I paid way less than list price for mine so anyone googling the venue would have been way off in their estimate, even if they correctly guessed which 'package' we were having.

That's loads! We got married a couple of months ago, and the most common amount we got from people was £100. The only people who gave us more than this were an aunt and uncle on each side.

It's not last minute, they have a couple of weeks to fill your places or get the venue not to charge for them.

I'd say £250 was enough.

they don’t normally need to give final numbers to the week before. Maybe tell them now do they can reduce the number

Well I did that

What I meant by "such notice" is that there is some notice. And what I did (and know other people have done in the past) is asked someone who was invited to the evening if they would like to come to the full day instead - phrased the right way it doesn't come across rude at all. I think I said so and so has had an accident so can't make it anymore, we'd love if you could now make it to the full day

Another thing puzzling me about this "cover your plate" stuff. Do the bride and groom tell you how much it cost per person? Is it on the invitation?

Yes it's what my American relatives explained one time when I was working out what to get them and wondered why all the gifts on the guest list cost what they did.

I went to TK Max and bought something on their list bit for far less!

Yes, those were my thoughts. It's so wrong, isn't it?

Cover your plate? Give your rich friends more than your poorer ones? Give the ones who want to spend a fortune on their wedding more than those who chose a simple celebration?

Seriously?

Its trotted out on here every time there is a wedding gift thread.

Gifts covering what your "plate" costs is a very American concept that doesn't really happen here.

No, nor me. Plus it seems a bit unfair. If you're not well off and have a modest wedding, people give you less than if you're rich and can push the boat out?

I would speak to the actual relative and ask whether dropping out has incurred a charge. If you then want to reimburse them this amount say you will do so. Then work out what gift you would actually give anyway. You don't need to give what their parents gave you BTW.

You sound lovely. Many would drop out without even thinking to cover lost outlay.

Mother of the couple should have kept her fucking mouth shut, there was no need for her to shit stir like that.

If it's a hospital medical appointment then I wouldn't rearrange because you don't know how long you have to wait for the next one. If it's at the GP then I probably would but it depends on the reason for the appointment. So if it's for regular childhood jabs then I'd rearrange but not if it was for a referral apt.

I wouldn't give more than £200.

wedding gifts aren't based on how much the wedding costs
Absolutely this!

There's no "such notice", it's in a couple of weeks?

You have to be very close to someone to invite them at the very last minute without being embarrassingly rude and obvious that you are just filling the spot.

If you are that close, they'll be on your guests list anyway.

You can't invite people with 2 weeks notice? Who does that?

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