To think this is a reasonable amount for a wedding gift

There's no need to get personal - no need.
I won't do that back to you.
All I'm going to say is that you were making an "educated guess" about the cost of the cover.
I am saying that I give gifts according to how close I am, and don't care how much they've spent on the meal.
I am too polite to comment on your comprehension abilities.

Your comprehension skills are severely lacking. I said in my post that I wouldn’t give less either.
I've never called caterers either but I still have an idea of costs.

No that's not the point. This thread is about wedding gifts. I do not, nor have I ever, checked up on caterers and venues to "cover my plate".
I give a gift according to how close we are.
Oh, and I certainly wouldn't give less of a gift for someone who could only afford a modest buffet because it would be cheaper to "cover". .

Ok, let me try and make it clearer.
I will always make an educated guess to cover myself but then add a gift on top, for some couples that gift on top will be £50 for others it’ll be £300.
Do you mean I should gift the same no matter who is getting married? Do you always spend the same amount on everyone’s birthday?
I don’t believe that at all. My close friends received more from me than someone who I work with for example. There are loads of variables.

That is wayyyy too much in my opinion.
If you're cancelling weeks in advance, they won't have to cover your food.

£500 for a wedding gift is unnecessary

Id change the appointment. I work shifts and have to regularly change appointments that are sent out. Its never a problem

So you'd make an educated guess in order to "cover yourselves", but not in every case? I don't understand.
Why not give the same gift and drop the "covering" yourselves? Seems unfair.

Not at all, if I was close enough to know they are struggling then I’d cover myself and give a larger gift amount. So if covering myself only cost £100 for my family I would give them say £400.

So you'd give less well off couples a less generous gift, because they can't afford an expensive venue and catering?

I’m from a culture that give quite large amounts for weddings and yes we do “cover ourselves” (no, we don’t publish how much we spend per person but you can usually make an educated guess). I doubt the couple would be charged for the two year old and with two weeks notice they shouldn’t even be charged for you so I would send £200/250.

I would give what I could afford and what felt right to me. I attended loads of weddings in my 20s when I was on the bones of my arse poor. I gave what I could afford. If I had been told the rule was to cover the cost of attendance + £50 on top I would have had to politely (and with great sadness, as I loved dearly all those whose weddings I attended) declined.

I would give more these days as I am now comfortably off but if I wasn't then I wouldn't!

I've been married nearly 25 years and guests at our wedding gave a range of: nothing (mostly single blokes who gifts had not crossed their mind); bottle of champagne or brandy; cash gifts and vouchers ranging from £10 (neighbour invited last minute as we suddenly had an extra space) and £3000 (PIL); and items from our list ranging from tea towels to a full dinner set. All appreciated and thanked. Cash to offset the cost of the event was not a factor, we had already budgeted for that. I would have been so sad if anyone had declined because they couldn't afford a gift. Everyone was welcome regardless.

i didn’t say they had to. Was just sharing that they could.

Me too, and bumping people up when you have a space! It must have been tricky to phrase that well.

Ok so we need to agree to disagree, evening guests are very normal. We had a very small ceremony partly due to logistical reasons so most of our friends were evening guests.

I don't understand the concept of evening guests anyway 😂

Either you invite people or you don't.

I still think it's rude

Maybe they don't want to. My child has a long awaited appointment coming up in the next 2 weeks. This appointment is the final one before surgery. It has taken 5 years from seeing this consultant to get to this point. The condition that the surgery is for has been affecting their life for over 10 years. Surgery was cancelled 3 times during covid. It has taken 4 years since the first cancellation for the surgeons list to be caught up. Nothing would stop us being at this appointment.

No, I don’t go into debt by buying wedding gifts. I have a line item for gifts in my monthly budget, and if I have no birthday/wedding/Christmas gifts to buy that month, it rolls over into the next month (a “sinking fund”).

You can change the date/time of hospital appointments. I have a lot and often have to do it. It is usually within a week or two of the original date. I know you didn’t used to be able to years ago, but you definitely can now.

Genuine question then, do people go into debt to give a wedding gift?
Deplete their savings?

£50 is not ' tight as f**k '
The question around how much money to give for wedding gift has been asked a million times on here. You give what YOU want to give and can afford to give. Other peoples opinions are irrelevant.
£500 is a bonkers amount though!!

I would give a cousin £500 for a wedding gift so I don't think this is outside the realms of normally but it obviously depends what is normal in your culture and family. I don't think you have to give extra as you're not going. They may also not have to pay if the wedding is a couple of weeks away but even if they do it sounds like it can't be helped.

Id go £100

Have you spoke to the bride and groom and told them the situation, they may say they can fill your space with a friend or someone

😂 I’ve heard this before too.

”I don’t like/agree with/haven’t heard about what PP said…ergo, it must be American.”