To think this is a reasonable amount for a wedding gift

I usually give £50 max £100 so that more than generous

We asians keep an account of what is given and it is obligatory to match the gift. IF OP is asian, 500 quid is just right. If she isnt, I'd go with half that amount.

I can't get my head round the total do- lally antics around weddings.
If people want to spend an absolute obscene amount on the wedding food they give me that's fine but i feel under no obligation to reflect that in the gift i give them.
I didn't expect ,want or need gifts ,most couples have a home together before the wedding ,£500 !!!! far to much.

I’d be giving £30 and I still wouldn’t be happy 🤣 why do people need money for their wedding presents?! If they need money, don’t have a wedding with guests 🤷🏽‍♀️

I was about to say that’s way too much but on closer reading I realised you want to cover the costs of you pulling out which is very nice of you but I’m not sure if it would be expected by the couple. I imagine they’ll have paid it already and probably won’t be thinking ‘oh we are £300 out of pocket because x didn’t come’. £125 per person also seems awfully steep when you think that’s for what? A meal (albeit a very nice one), possibly a welcome drink and some entrees? Are you sure this is accurate information from the person who shared this? They may have just taken the total cost of the venue and divided it by the number of guests which isn’t going to give an accurate costing since there will be other costs that aren’t ’per head’. A couple choose to get married and ‘invite’ guests so it’s not on guests to worry about how much they are costing the couple!
By all means pay it if you want to, but I wouldn’t pay for a two year old. So £250 should do it
Me personally I don’t think it would cross my mind to pay ‘for’ us, so it would be £100 max. But maybe you are nicer than me….

It’s not last minute.

let them know you can’t come, and offer to cover any charges that result from you dropping out. I would suspect they can still change final numbers but it will depend on venue etc.

but definitely just speak to them, I wish the table full of dickheads that didn’t show up at my wedding had let me know before-hand because I could have changed the number up to 2 weeks before

Your gift is not to pay for your room. I would give £50-100. Probably spend the top end of that if I was buying a gift but lower end if just cash.

@WhatABigYikes

I would certainly ring the clinic concerned in the morning to ask about re-scheduling.

If the appointment is at the end of June, that would give them time to offer the appointment to someone else, surely.

It would be a pity if you cancelled the whole thing when there was another appointment available in early July.

Given that their parents gave you £500, you do have to match. Ignore the comments saying £50 is enough 😂
We do this culturally and it’s so annoying, no one ever ‘make money’ instead it remains the amount being passed back and forth 😆

I gave my best friend £25. It's all relative. I was on universal credit and had lost my job due to the company going under. £500 seems a crazy high amount.

You said the relatives parents gave you £500 when you got married, the relative didn’t give anything themself. Assuming your parents are still around, they’ll attend the wedding and gift an amount right? Therefore that would make up for what the relatives parents gave you, and so you can give £200. As your not that close to them, I wouldn’t part with £500.

I think that’s a huge amount! £100 is more than generous and £50 is more what most people would be able to afford.

I think you should try and "compensate" so £300-£400.
A couple of years ago, fairly close friends of our family pulled out of daughter's wedding the day before, saying one of their teenage children was ill. No chance of cancelling their places (4 of them - at about £100/head) at that stage.
It was made even worse when one of them posted pictures on SM of the day out they had all had instead! I am still angry!
I know this is a totally different scenario, and you need to keep your child's appt, but it will still feel a bit of a let down for the couple, even though they will understand

Love these gift ideas!

Ah, in that case then, yes, I’d give the £500. In DH culture we gift match; the period after our wedding was all about attending other relatives’ weddings and ensuring we spend the same amount on them as they did on us. One of DH aunts spent a huge amount on us; when her son married we had to match that amount. My MIL dug out her copy of the gift list and would tell us how much to pay! Thankfully wedding period is over now.

I’m recently married and no one gave us more than £100 in cash, even close family. £500 is wayyy too much.

Are u able to change the appointment? I've done this many times. Just call the number on the letter and ask if they can change it for another day.

I would agree that this amount is entirely reasonable. £500 is just bonkers (unless you’re wealthy)!

Yes but it is the norm in the US not a mumsnet thing

I’d give £100 tops if i wasn’t even going to the wedding, I doubt they will have given final numbers to the venue yet so won’t end up having to pay for you

Me too.

I think that insinuating I would give someone close to me less money because they had a smaller wedding/ were not as well off as other is much more offensive than me questioning your comprehension skills. I’ve given my opinion on the matter so I’ll leave it there now.

I twisted nothing. It's fine if you take into account the cost to the couple. You can take into account the phase of the moon if you like. In my opinion we can simply agree to disagree. I think that's ok.
I would never get so personal as to question another's comprehension skills.
So I suggest we leave it at that.

I’ve got personal because you’ve taken my comment and twisted it. You also don’t seem to believe I could make an educated guess on the cost; I’ve been to lots of weddings and have had one so I’m not sure why it’s so shocking.
I also give gifts based on how close I am, while making sure I cover myself. I’m allowed to do things differently to you.