Holiday offer revoked

Where’s the real dad in all of this. Why isn’t he expected to take his kids to US?

OP says nothing about him having adopted the children. He's a 'father figure' in her words. If there was an adoption it's a different situation.

Again, I do think the OP is being unreasonable, but some of you are going way too far with the “not blood!” stuff.

I have an uncle who is not related to me by blood and no longer is related to me by marriage. (He is the ex-husband of my father’s sister.) He’s still my uncle. He was my uncle from time I was seven years old until I was in my late thirties, for heaven’s sake. He’ll always be my uncle.

What are you on about? Biology has nothing to do with it. Is an adopted dad or mum not allowed to take their kids on holiday?

I could not think of anything I’d like to do less than entertain my brothers ex wives for them to swan about got a free holiday and built in babysitting.

Yes, all of this. I’m inclined to think YABU to not at least expect a change, though.

Was it an actual offer from them or an assumption on your part?

what's wrong with you?

If it wasn't creepy to have that man in their life when they were together, it's not creepy for him to be there after the relationship. Either you trust him, or you don't.

Now him making a clean break-up, staying in their life but not burdening himself for his holidays make sense.

You are watching too many bad tv shows.😂

It’s lovely that he will remain in touch with them.

Keep that as a positive and dual back your other expectations to something more realistic - which being hosted for a few weeks as an ex is not!

Things like this are hard to navigate, but splitting up is…splitting up. With the loss of things you did together.

Don’t cause friction with your ex.

It is really odd that you thought you would still continue to enjoy this holiday

they are not his kids and no blood relatives of his family

they hosted you and kids as his wife , next year he will he taking his new woman - harsh reality I know but it’s very rare for ex family to stay in touch when no blood relatives to stay I in touch for

not nice for the kids , can you take them to Disney to soften the blow this year ?

How long was you with him for?

It’s really bizarre that you thought you would still go. Of course it’s the natural consequence of you two splitting up.

Bizarre how many people here think an ex should continue contact with unrelated kids.

Should they just collect them up through every relationship they have? What if their ex had 3 kids and their ex before that had 2 and they have a couple of their own and then they meet someone with a few more. Do they just skip around like a merry band of misfits 🤣

You are getting divorced so it's natural dynamics would change. If my brother and his wife divorced I wouldn't expect to see her again are you particularly close to these family members? My sister had step kids when she was married it wouldn't occur to me to invite her ex and his kids to a family trip

Maybe op is a teacher

It's creepy I wouldn't have anyone who is not their biological father take them away on holiday. Your expectations are high if that's what you expect after you break up. What man or woman in their right mind would take children that is not biologically theirs on holiday abroad. I've never read so much nonsense in my life and you respond with an angry emoji and 'what'. Children should be cherished not given away. It's not the ops exh problem that she made bad decisions in her life and the father wants nothing to do with them.

”WE still planned to go”

”WE would have. Holiday house for 3-4 weeks”

OP, this doesn’t sound like it’s about whether he’s a father figure or not, it comes across as if you’re upset you won’t have the free holiday.
He can still be a father figure. YOU not going to stay for free in a holiday house of his family for 3-4 weeks has absolutely nothing to do with whatever role he is going to play in your children’s life going forward.
It’s entirely logical YOU are no longer welcome in his family’s holiday homes. If you feel strongly about wanting your kids spend time with your exes family you book a trip to the States, pay for your own accomodation for 3-4 weeks are see if they want to meet up a few times.
Whether your ex will bring the kids to America is a different matter. He might want to, but then again he might not want to. If he does, you will have to give him written approval to bring your kids, and honestly op, it would not be weird at all for you to NOT give him approval to take your kids out of the country at this stage. No matter how amicable it is now, you don’t know how it is next week or next month. You would be at his mercy to bring the kids back, and it wouldn’t be the first time kids get caught in the middle of divorce proceedings and are “kidnapped” to another country. Sorry op, that’s the reality. Please take your head out of the sand and realise getting divorced means you don’t have the free holidays to his family anymore, and you need to think carefully about whether you want him to actually bring your kids on a holiday abroad.

Did your husband adopt your children?

There are plenty of familys (usually the fathers) who substantially or even completely lose contact with child relatives following divorce.

It seems strange to expect his family to provide a free holiday for his ex-wife and children he is not related to and (unless there was a formal adoption) has no responsibility for.

Is your husband going on this holiday? If so, do you expect his family to pay for separate accommodation for both him and you and your children?

I'm astonished that you even thought you would be welcome. After all the lovely free holidays they have given you in the past, it was bang out of order of you to just expect another invitation. It must have been excruciatingly embarrassing for them to be forced into telling you you are not invited.

Cheeky-fuckery of the highest order.

You are no longer part of his family. Of course you can’t join in his family holidays anymore!

I don’t think the OP is coming back now she has been rightly told she’s a CF.

How are you able to spend a month in the US at a time, @Singineletricdreams? Have you previously been a SAHM? Surely this will have to change if you’re getting divorced and won’t have any child support (given your ex isn’t your children’s father)?

It seems a bit like you’re sleepwalking into this divorce.

Some people don't see a difference between being used to having something and being entitled to it. They are usually people who have had easy access to nice things from an early age.

They are not blood related to either you, or your children. You were all related through marriage only, that marriage no longer exists … therefore, the relationship no longer exists.
They obviously only had relationship with you due to your marriage and now no longer want one 🤷🏻‍♀️

It would be more odd if they invited you when you don't have joint kids

Seems completely reasonable on their part to me.