Holiday offer revoked

😂and they would all need to be invited to each other's weddings.......looking forward to that thread.

But this family have decided not to do that, and that's entirely reasonable. I have no idea why the OP thought she would still be going to the US in the middle of a divorce. Weird.

Why were you expecting a freebee holiday from people who are no longer related to you? This is entirely reasonable behaviour. You and your DC are no longer part of the family. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

If the shoe was on the other foot, and you split with your partner who had kids, would you expect your own extended family to unconditionally invite your ex and his children to their family holiday homes for free ad infinitum?

Honestly they were generous enough anyway but you and your kids are no longer part of their lives.

Why should they gift you holidays? You spilt from their family member. And most people wouldn't expect free holidays from anyone even if they were actual blood relatives.

She wasn't even officially invited, so she's wrong to claim it's revoked!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and this situation would not be unheard of, as many step parents see the children as their own.

Lots of people on here are being very nasty and judgmental calling OP names and making assumptions about her and is honestly sad to see and is a reflection of how they see themselves.

Just because a couple divorce doesn’t mean people can’t be civil and stay in touch and continue traditions. Lots of immature people on here who don’t see this though.

How could have it been revoked when you weren't formally invited?

That's not what actually happened.

You made an assumption and are now surprised, disappointed and annoyed that it's not going to pan out as you expected.

Youre a CF

It's sad for the children but you are getting a divorce. Your contact with your ex husband's family is going to stop and so is your annual holiday.

Hopefully your ex will still have some contact with your children but unfortunately they are linked to you, not him. It's likely, with no legal or biological link to the children, that he may well walk away.

Did you not think about how incredibly awkward everyone would feel if the holiday had gone ahead.

to think this is shitty behaviour?

You could argue that it is not the children's fault that they were not their stepdad's biological children or that their mother and stepdad divorced. You probably believe they should continue to be invited to extended family get-togethers, allowed free use of holiday homes for extended periods during the summer, and perhaps receive trust funds, inheritances, etc.

But the world doesn't work like that.

That doesn’t mean that you get to go on holiday with him, move on, he may well do! Imagine turning up and his new girlfriend has come along! You’re divorced.

Please refer to what @whitewineandsun posted. The op mentioned nothing about adoption and I did look for that. He wants nothing to do with the op or her children. He wants a clean break to move on and he's entitled to do that.

i see divorce as a separation of family.. so you are going to be separated from this family you were previously in… I think it’s very normal that you no longer go?! Seems odd to me that you would expect this seeing as you are going through divorce??

Or the real dad could take responsibility for his own kids and take them to the US on his dime. Rather than OP expecting a guy who is not related to them at all cosplaying dad.

Each to there own with what you do with your children. If I spilt with an ex and I entered the relationship with children that are not his and we split. There is a reason why the op has split from her ex husband I reckon he initiated the divorce because she doesn't sound right. She's still holding on to him and what he has got she can't let go. She's not entitled to his family her children are not blood related to them.

That could be even more awkward - the US family have to contend with an additional ex???

Your ex might well meet someone else and have kids with them. At what point would you consider it appropriate for his family to say it is no longer appropriate for you and your children to have your free holiday?

This reminds me of a thread last summer, which suggested that in the name of fairness, all the ex-step children and step cousins, should be included in a family trip to Alton Towers …. where does this madness end??!?

Oh dear. Sadly this is totally normal, although it is tough for the kids. The family of your about to be ex have clearly decided that they are moving on without you and you kids in their lives. They were included as long as you were together, but not any more. They may even feel uncomfortable continúan with a relationship with you now your are divorcing. You dont know what has been said, and, to be honest, it wont help knowing.

So, whilst feeling sad for your kids, I think you too need to be realistic and mové on, because there is nothing you can do about it. It is not nice but you cant emotionally blackmail them into changing their minds as they are not his kids and legally he has no obligations towards them. (and presumably they. still have a father) Your next job is to help.your kids adjust to the situación and, of course, assure them that is it not their fault in any way.

This divorce is fresh OP. A holiday together now would be awkward for everyone so I get why that’s not on the cards now.

My husband’s mum’s ex partner who she broke up with when he was an older teen still treats him like a son (and me like a DIL and our DD as a grandchild), so it’s not unheard of for extended family relationships to continue post divorce/separation. The fact that his family member took time to message to say she would miss your kids shows that they do have regard for you and didn’t just tolerate you as some posters have said. But people need their space so I get why your ex wants to go without you, because respectfully I imagine it’s you he doesn’t want there rather than your kids.

This is normal although I wonder if he thought of your kids as his own and now he's cut them off? You on the other hand should not still be invited to go, he's your ex and it's his family. I can understand the kids being disappointed as they probably view your ex's family as aunties and uncles.

Are the kids old enough to keep contact with 'the cousins'?

If you aren't together anymore and they are not his kids, I can't understand why you would still expect to be going?

You're not being a family anymore, why would you go on holiday together, to see his family? That makes absolutely no sense at all.

Are you hurt because you thought you had a relationship with them in your own right, only to realise that's not how they see it? This is a sad side of divorce. It's not unreasonable to feel hurt but they've made their feelings clear so you have no choice but to accept it.

Why are you splitting up? Would the reasons make his family uncomfortable at you being there?

Unfortunately when children are step rather than half it can make it more complicated keeping extended ties bonded when the adults split.

Do you mean it is shitty behaviour of you to think you and your children would still have use of a house belonging to your soon to be former husband's family ?

yes.