Holiday offer revoked

I feel like we need more information (how long they were raised by him etc) but generally speaking it’s very entitled of you to assume you could come.

Your children sure, if they were to still be close to him, but you? Why would they free up a property for you?

Did you really think you could get a divorce and just carry on as before - going on holiday and travelling with your ex and his parents?

Bonkers.

I feel it is strange that you want to go and spend time with people who are soon not going to be your in laws… maybe you are still not over the marriage? Give it time, in a year or so you’ll probably wonder why you did!

Why are you divorcing? Was it initiated by you or your ex-husband? It would be quite unusual to maintain relationships with ex-in-laws if there are no shared children who would be related to both sides of the family, unless you had developed really close relationships with them that didn't involve your ex-husband.

Given divorce is a public statement that your couple relationship has irretrievably broken down, I would not expect to holiday at their home. I do, however, know people who visit ex parents in law etc., but they have all had fairly long marriages and joint children.

What is the plan for your children and your ex post divorce? If he is to go on holiday with them as sole charge, then I would expect his family to welcome the children. Sadly, I think it can be difficult post divorce and the only step dad I knew in this situation soon had no contact at all despite acting as their father for almost 15 years.

I think it depends in the length of the marriage and age of the children. For example if you were married 3 years and the DC spent a lot if time with their bio dad and his family I wouldn't expect further contact.
If you have been together 10 years since DC were 1 and 3 for example and they called your ex dad then it's very cold behaviour to just discard the children after a divorce.

You're divorcing, you don't get to keep the perks that came with being with him.

So were you hoping that he’d take them away on his own, or were you planning to go with them?

But he isn't their father. Not taking you and kids on holidays for 3 weeks isn't discarding them

And that’s all that matters that he will continue to part of their lives. Not a free holiday

I'm not sure this is a made-up post, or a reverse tbh!

But if it is real ... this is not shitty behaviour. You are getting divorced. Did you think this would not affect your relationships with his family? Sorry, but you are either very naive, or very entitled!

It's not shitty behaviour at all!
Whilst you were with your ex, you were a package deal, but why on EARTH would you assume you'd still be welcome?! Baffling.

Your thread title says holiday offer “revoked”. Did they actually invite you or are you just making assumptions as if it’s the latter that’s not what revoked means

Wow you sound entitled! Why would they want your husband's ex and her kids not related to them at their holiday home?

Can all of his exes use their homes for free? What a bizarre way to think, of course you can’t still go!

I am puzzled as to why you expect to go and stay with his family in the US when you and him are getting a divorce? Your children aren’t his children.

I find it difficult to believe you thought this would continue to happen after you separated. They aren't his children. The family in the US aren't your family. Yes, it's sad but that's the way it is unfortunately.

Imagine how awkward it would be for his family to have you visit presumably with ex DH at the same time. Even though you say it's civil, there will still be tension there. What happens when he or you get a new partner?

You wanted a free holiday basically. If you've already booked flights you'll need to find somewhere else to stay and pay for it.

Divorce is tough on the kids.
You've had a pile-on but it comes down really to:

As he was a step-parent not their biological dad, are you giving him access visits and does he even want to stay in touch with his stepchildren? Did he adopt or have any responsibility for them?

Did he or did you instigate the split and was access/future relationships ever discussed?

He has no obligation to keep seeing them nor does his family, even if he/they have been in their lives since they were small.

If you have instigated the split, even less so, although if he has brought them up as his own, you'd have hoped for some discussion.

But - as others have pointed out - unless it is the most mutual divorce where you are beyond civil and both relieved/still intend being friends who see each other/uncoupling Gwyneth-Chris style then no, how can it possibly stay the same?

That's kind of the point of the op.

Nasty comment

Genuinely fascinated by your thought process OP.

Perfectly normal behavior.

They are not your DH children. The family accepted your children as they were part of you, and you were married to DH. You are getting divorced. That means no more joint life, or joint holidays. Pretty awkward to go on holiday with your ex too especially when it's to see his family.

As for the holiday offer being 'revoked', it sounds like it was never made. You just assumed that you could continue as before and never checked.