Holiday offer revoked

Do you not think the kids might feel a bit uneasy without you there?

It may be quite awkward because people will be tip toeing around the subject or your kids may feel guilty that you’re not there etc

How old are your kids and how long have you been together?

Obviously you would not be invited to go and I wouldn’t expect the kids to be invited this year (I expect a lot of the conversations will be about the relationship ending) but if he has raised them for years then I personally would still invite them in the future.

Why would his family still have you to holiday with them? You’re divorced. The most you could expect would be that he would take the kids, if he wanted to continue in the step-father role, if he saw the kids as his own. I know a few divorced couples in that situation; the man raised the kids but they weren’t his and he decided to continue being their dad so they split custody. But both sides wanted it. The kids would then holiday with step dad same as they holidayed with mum, but not together.

It’s a shame that he has decided not to continue in the role of dad, especially if he fully took on that role during your marriage. That’s hard for the kids and I would consider getting some family counselling for you and them to help with those emotions. But, you can’t expect to have continued going on the holidays, even if he did take the kids. And now you have to accept that he will not continue to act in the father role so the kids won’t be going either and his family won’t continue contact with you.

Is he taking a new partner?

Why on earth would you think after a divorce you would still be staying with his family?
imagine how awkward that would be for everyone involved.
Imagine it the other way round, do you expect your family to still host for 2-3 weeks?

fair enough if he is still involved with your children I can see why you’d think your children would still be going

It’s a shame but completely normal. Would be different if you had kids together but as it stands, you’re neither family by blood nor marriage & I can totally understand why they would want to stop. Invariably he will meet someone else & they will want to bond with her. You and your kids would be an encumbrance - it doesn’t mean they didn’t like or care for you, just that they are his family. Not yours.

Would you be happy if he took them on his own to see his family?

I can’t think of a tactful way to ask this, but is their actual father dead?

If not, why are you expecting more from this man than from the man who actually fathered them?

I very much doubt your kids will see him again.

Why would he want to stick about and raise his ex's kids with a different man?

Given he is the only father figure the children have known, are you encouraging them to have an independent relationship with him post divorce? And does he want this too?

How old were your kids when he came into their life, and how long have they known him? Is their father still in their lives?

If this is how you see things, no wonder you’re separating

I agree that it would be shitty of him to drop them, but it doesn’t actually sound like that’s what he’s doing? He’s still seeing them. He just (understandably) doesn’t want to spend 3-4 weeks on holiday with his ex. However amicable the split I can’t imagine many people who would want to do that TBH. Unless you were hoping that he’d take the children on his own?

They’re not his kids, don’t refer to them
as “used tissues”. You’re expecting way too much here. Get the kids used to not seeing him anymore because why would they?

You cannot be serious

Agree it would be shitty for your ex to drop seeing the kids if he’s been their father figure but I can’t see how that extends to his family hosting you and them for weeks for a holiday. You really think that you’d still be going? Maybe he could take the kids for a little while if everyone was ok with that but you going? Why?

He didn’t adopt them, he has no right to see them again if you decide he can’t, he has no rights at all.

He also has no obligations to them. Or to you now you’re splitting up.

You presumably want the divorce so get some perspective. Pay for your own holiday.

Too bad! You're divorcing the guy, and they're not even his kids. Talk about entitled.

Yet another reason "blended" families are so shit. The children lose so much when the charade ends.

How long have you been together? If he’s been their father figure for most of their lives, I can understand you’ll feel hurt to be cut if suddenly. If only a couple of years, less so.

However, the summer holidays is almost upon us. This should have been clarified before, not last minute. I guess you thought it was a default arrangement, but the divorce has thrown a spanner in the works.

I meant to add that he might offer to take them on holiday in the future, but he isn't obliged to.

Sit and think about why.

If he’s the only father figure they have known, it’s shit of him to just drop them. Is that really what’s happened though? You need to have a conversation with him and find out what he plans to do with them going forward. Perhaps he thought that taking the kids on holiday abroad without you might make you uncomfortable until new routines are established. If he does plan to distance himself from them, it would be helpful for you to know so you can gently set their expectations.

If the kids were his I would expect him to take them but given they are not then no of course none of you are going on his families annual holiday! Would seem very odd to me that you would even consider that this should happen!

Good grief the entitlement has no limit!!!

re: his relationship with your kids. Thats a completely different story. Of course it is horrible to discard children like that and it would nice for him to keep a relationship with them.
what you cant do though is to expect the rest of your family to feel the same

I’m willing to bet any money he never sees them again. Sorry OP