Holiday offer revoked

How long were you married op and how old are the children.

It'd be nice to think they'd keep in touch with the kids in some way, but on a practical level they need to be prepared for him to move on and maybe meet someone new, so it'd all get a bit complicated if you were still on the scene.

YABVU.

He’s now not your partner/husband.
He’s not their father. If he’s still seeing them regularly on an ad hoc basis, he’s hardly discarding them like a used tissue.

I don’t get why you would expect to be brought on holiday after a divorce.

Your post reads to me as though you’re only upset for yourself missing out on a holiday, not the kids.

Bang on, they’re family blood or not

Seeing kids on an "ad hoc" basis is not being involved. It's like being a distant relative. What conversations have you had with exH about ongoing involvement? Frankly it's is a bit wierd for you to expect to rock up with your kids to their summer home, what if exH was there with a new gf? How would everyone feel about that? If exH wants to take the kids because you've agreed he has a longer term parenting role to play, that would be one thing. But remember he has zero rights and responsibilities in law. He can only see them if you permit and he can't demand a relationship with them. And likewise you can't demand that he has one.
Talk to him about what he wants and if he wants little involvement ie just seeing them ad he, then you need to focus on moving on as a family unit rather than trying to maintain ties with his extended family

The entitlement of some people is breathtaking.

He isn’t discarding them. He’s still involved on an ad hoc basis. That is more than reasonable of him. But obviously they aren’t still part of his family in the same way.

Sounds like your STB exDH is still being involved with your DC which is admirable, however, why do you think that should extend to free holidays with his relatives thousands of miles away?

It is very common that divorce will mean having no contact with extended family (on both sides)

Can you imagine a family holiday where everyone’s ex and their children by other parents are there? Weird beyond belief.

I split from my partner 6 weeks ago....i have lost his side of the family which is sad but inevitable.

@Singineletricdreams it’s unfortunate but kind if expected. What is a littl off is if he is just letting his family assume they won’t see the kids rather than being honest and telling them he has told you they/you are not welcome. But it sounds like you need a conversation around whether he expects to continue any contact with your kids or not. Maybe in future he will take them if he wants to continue contact. But it’s a bit of a stretch to think you could go, too.

Wow the entitlement!

If I were him or his family I'd be doing exactly the same. Not sure why you expected to still sponge off them and feel like you've been wronged.

Would you have booked flights and turned up if you had not received that short Whatsapp message?

It’s not cruel. It’s normal. You can’t divorce him and still expect him to be a father figure for your kids. I say this with kindness not malice. I really don’t understand your thought process I’m so sorry I’m really trying to.

Unless he’s adopted them then he has no moral obligation to take the kids. I’m seriously surprised you think you’d get an invite again.

Still understandable.

Your expectations of tagging along - for some very strange reasons - are probably making it a lot worst.

They might have a better relationship if you are taking a massive step back.

Bit of a shame if it's the end of the actual relationship too. I think your ex-DH is absolutely right, making it very clear about boundaries and new dynamic.

Once you get that, you might give them a chance to have a relationship without you.

I think you need to have a proper discussion about what their relationship with him will be going forward. Ad hoc is unsettling for children. Either he is their de facto father and they maintain proper contact or he isn’t and they cut ties. If he is, you should consider him adopting them and becoming formally their Dad. He would then take his kids to the US to see their adopted family.

Sorry, but this is part of getting divorced. The family wants a clean break from you. Make plans to take your children somewhere as a family of three.

Sorry I don’t like to be rude to people who are having a rough time and don’t like “kicking someone when they’re down” but this is crazy! You cannot expect your Inlaws to have a relationship with you and the kids after you separate! Their loyalty is with their brother/son why would they “choose” you over their own blood? There is no way this would be normal. If they were his kids then I totally get your upset but no way is this normal to continue having a relationship. I would in your position try making sure your kids have lots of play dates over summer with your side of the family or your friends so they don’t feel a difference in the summer. Good luck!

You still expected to go on a free holiday with your ex husband. Are you mad.

Nah sorry OP. Totally normal. You and your children aren't related to them. I really wouldn't expect much from your ex in the future either.
Sounds like they've been very generous over the years so maybe just be happy with all the memories & look into booking your own holidays for your children.

You let him be their father figure without adopting them, blended families can be harmful for children in so many different ways, being able to discard unrelated children is just one of them.

Why would they invite you? You aren’t part of their family any more.