Holiday offer revoked

How horrible to find out like that that you and the kids were utterly disposable and were only worth hosting due to marriage

Catch yourself on. If he’s still involved he’s very much NOT discarding children that actually aren’t his. You should be hugely grateful because he’s going above and beyond for your kids.

OP the title of the thread makes it sound like there was an actual offer to go on holiday at xyz date to xyz place but then that offer was pulled. You have just presumed that you were going to have another cheap ( or free ) holiday and now you are miffed that's not going to happen. Tough.

You don't see why his family would want to cut off contact with someone that's divorcing their family member?
Seriously @Singineletricdreams?

As you say, your husband will still see them on an ad-hoc basis, it just won't be at his extended family's holiday homes.

You and your children are no longer part of their lives.
I'm astonished that you would think they would want to see you.

I'm sure that if your husband wanted to just take your kids this would be tolerated by his family. But obviously that would tricky to take them away from their mum for an extended period of time.
It's you they don't want there, and by extension your kids miss out too.
This is perfectly normal behaviour from his extended family.

I am surprised you thought you would still go to be honest but if you’d like the children to keep contact with exDH and his family, let it slide for this year. Keep things very civil and see how the dust settles once the divorce is finalised. It is more likely that just DH would go in future so if you’re keen for these costs to continue, maybe you should think about how you’d feel if you weren’t included.

If he’s only seeing them ad hoc, how on earth did you think you’d still be seeing his family with him? This is bonkers, tbh. Smacks of sour grapes at not getting a free holiday, more than anything.

It's sad but I'm.afraid that sounds completely reasonable of your ex's family. Your children, although they enjoyed their company, are not related to them.

I think it was naive at best, to think this would continue. Even if they were his kids, surely he’d take them without you?

Don’t blame you for being gutted not to get a subsidised 4 week holiday to the US this year though OP, I would be too!

Why would you expect to go?

Honestly this just sounds so golddigger-y.

I had half a dozen step mothers in my life (my father gets 'bored' and ditches out every 5 years or so) and never once seen any of them again afterwards even the ones I was close too (and yes that use to take me on holiday when I was younger). I certainly didn't expect an ongoing free ride not only from them but their families (honestly I never even really knew their families, THEY choose my father not their family).

Unless he has legally adopted OP's (presumably minor) children, he may feel it is inappropriate for him as an unrelated (ex) stepfather to take them over to the US of all places for a month long holiday. The situation if they got sick or had an accident would be more complicated than if their mother was there on site.

And it should be obvious to OP why a newly-divorced person and his family would not want the ex tagging along on the family holiday. Divorce is usually the time people like to put as much clean water between themselves and their ex as possible, not holiday with them.

Well he hasn't discarding them like a used tissue as he is still involved and still sees them?
Of course you and your dc wouldn't be going on holiday with his extended family now you're separated.

Ah yes! I can’t imagine anyone wanting to spend 3-4 weeks on holiday with their ex, however amicable the split. Can’t blame him for not inviting them this year.

The OP said we. She was going with them.

Agreed, it's not so much revoked as "has sadly come to a natural conclusion".

Why would he? His family has asked him not to. They have every right to. I actually don't understand why OP is surprised. There's a divorce happening, and his family are not related to the children. She should have expected this.

I do think its strange for you to assume that you and the kids would still be invited.

I agree with you that it would be a shame for him to drop contact with your kids, if he has only ever been the only father figure they know. Hopefully, he will continue to be in their lives as a supportive adult and if your kids do get on with his nieces and nephews, they can stay in touch online (if all are of that age) as friends

I can understand OP not being invited but I would have thought he would still take the kids.

Why? An unrelated man taking a woman's kids to a different country would be very very inappropriate and weird.

Is this a reverse? It’s pretty entitled to still expect a freebie from the man you’re divorcing’s family

He is the only father figure they know and has been a key part of their lives for so long. It’s cruel to discard children like a used tissue. He is still involved and will see them on an ad hoc basis.

But if he's "still involved" and intends to continue to see them he's not discarding them at all, is he?

It is not unreasonable to hope that your Ex DH will maintain some contact with your DC, OP. Not unreasonable at all. What is unreasonable, and frankly a bit odd, is your assumption that you, your DC and your Ex DH will still continue to holiday together. You must realise that the vast majority of divorced couples do not do this? Even when they share biological DC! Even more odd, is your assumption that you and your DC will continue to be hosted by his family for up to a month at a time now that you're no longer together.

This is not an offer of a holiday being revoked. This is simply two people getting divorced, which means routines and traditions inevitably have to change. You cannot reasonably expect to divorce someone and it not change your social life, finances, holidays or your relationships (and by extension your DC's relationships) with their extended family.

So they’re not being discarded then. I’m utterly baffled as to how you think this would go any other way to how it has.

All contact with your children will fizzle out. They aren’t his biological children and when you divorce they aren’t his legal responsibility either. It’s sad, it feels harsh, but it’s the reality of a marriage breaking down with no shared children. He’ll meet someone new eventually and want to start over. The woman may have children of her own or they will have some together. There will be no room for children of a random ex or that ex themself. Civil for now is all well and good, but once the divorce is final and all shared assets split/ financial ties broken then you are strangers again. That’s what divorce is and you need to come to terms with that.
His family are no longer your family and it’ll be someone else going on those holidays soon if there isn’t already.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s a reality you have to face.

So you expect a free holiday from people not connected to your children? Why?

I have sympathy with this, as someone who grew up with a stepdad and was then dumped by him and his family when he and my mum divorced. I was 6 when they married and 26 when they divorced. I thought he, and his family, were my family.

I can understand OP not being invited but I would have thought he would still take the kids.

How long was he in their lives for and how old are they @Singineletricdreams op?

I know a fair number of blended families where the step children are treated as blood grandchildren or nieces, nephews. I only know one step dad who following from divorce has still treated his step children as his own and now along with his second wife are very much grandparents to the step children's DC. Although it causes tension with the biological grandmother. I do know a few people who still have good relationships with their ex inlaws where biological DC are involved but that doesn't extend to family holidays.