Holiday offer revoked

But your children are not related to your STBX family at all - why on earth would they invite your children and you to their holiday property?

I can't beleive you thought you would still go on the holiday to be honest. And I would also assume he will drift out of your children's lives eventually. If he wanted any real involvement or saw himself as a father figure he would organise a proper schedule. It's a shame, but that's the reality of divorce - you aren't a family anymore.

Yeah this. Saved me typing it. Sorry @Singineletricdreams but it's ludicrous to expect to be included in your ex's family events and holidays. Even if you share children. I'm sorry you feel hurt, but YABU.

What age are your kids?

An as hoc basis sounds like a get out clause, and I don’t think he’ll see them much, if at all.

How old were they -

when you got together

when he met them

when you moved in together

and how old are they now?

So he’s not actually discarding them, he will be seeing them on an ad hoc basis. You’re pissed off about the holiday and I get that.
Of course you and your kids would have loved to keep going on your DH’s family holidays but your marriage is over and the kids are not his own.
It would be less usual for these holidays to continue to be honest. It would be awkward for your ex DH and his family too, to maintain a happy holiday relationship with you when you’re getting divorced.
Shame for your kids but they’ve been super lucky to have had even one summer like this.
You should accept it. He’s not being unreasonable.

In practise will he though? Or just wishful thinking?

And there isn't anyone old either, because you are divorcing. It is really not difficult to understand that when you split you are no longer included as an in law in his family's stuff. My ex and his DD don't come on our family vacations or to our Christmas parties because they are not my family since we split up!

But he isn’t discarding them like a used tissue is he, he’s still involved and will see them on an ad hoc basis. That’s a bonus to you and presumably nice for them, for which I’m sure you are very grateful because it’s very good of him and not something to be automatically expected in this situation.

His family haven’t cut contact out of spite, they have said they will miss not seeing the children because you are now separated and they aren’t his children. Did they maybe have to make it clear -in response to you having taken it for granted that you were still going and expected to have a free holiday with your own house for 3 to 4 weeks. I hope not as that would be deeply embarrassing for you.

They are his relatives not yours. And not your children’s. His nephew and nieces are not cousins to your children.

You are divorcing. This means you and your children are a separate unit to him.
Your ex wil expect to go alone. Maybe he wants to take somebody else. But he doesn’t want to take you and your children. It is audacious to expect a free holiday from people you no longer have a connection to. And it’s weird to expect to go there with him and reap all the benefits as if you were not getting a divorce.

It's not difficult to understand OP.
YABVU to think it’s shitty behaviour.

OP you are delusional.
He and his family have no ties to you or your children now, obviously.

lol. By this logic they should also host me and my kids! Of course you are only invited to in-law family holidays/celebrations because of your status as in-law!

The thing is, he's not their father and although no doubt happy to be in that role as part of shared parenting, shared household and shared finances, he might not want to do that now you're divorcing.

Just like people expect the protection of a marriage without actually getting married, you can't expect him to be a co-parent of your children if he hasn't adopted them.

Of course you're not invited.

Not taking them on a holiday with people they are unrelated to is not 'discarding'. He is not their dad and the relationship of 'the stepdad' has ended. Perhaps he will find a way to maintain a friendly connection to the children, but if not that would be normal rather than cruel. He is not related to your children, you came as a package deal and you leave as one.

And as such he is not discarting your kids- you just wont be able to use his family's holidays homes for free.

Totally not the point of this thread … but I suspect the OP is getting the point after all of the similar responses.

Although maybe I missed someone asking @Singineletricdreams what plans she’s making for a trip with her kids? I mean, you can still take them to the US and travel and even see if the the family there want to meet up for a meal or something. You just aren’t welcome to their family holiday and staying in their rentals. I also wouldn’t do this at the same time as your ex’s trip because that would be weird.

But I thought this was a great example of clear and direct communication by the ex and his family. There are a lot of threads and questions about how to tell someone no here and if anyone wants to see what a good way to say no here is one in the wild.

Last week, I received a short WhatsApp message from his sister telling me they’ll miss not having the kids visit. This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go. Although DH and I are seperating, I don’t see why his family would want to cut of contact . I phoned DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

I think it depends on how long you've been together, the ages of the kids, and the type of relationship (close or more casual). If they've been treated like part of the family since they were very small, maybe it would have been nice of them to keep involving your kids in family holidays, though that could be awkward for them, especially if/when he wants to take someone new as a girlfriend or partner. Ultimately, they live on another continent, so it would be a bigger deal for them to continue inviting you than if you lived just down the road and could visit more casually for a shorter period of time.

Not many people spend holidays with their extended ex-step-family. It's not surprising that they feel it would be awkward.

When you divorce you end the relationship, including perks as well as downsides. YABU.

Well I hope that happens.

However that may well be a bit optimistic from what I see with family and friends with similar set ups - they tend to see less and less and really step back from any parenting role as time goes by.

As they aren't his kids and they have no half siblings that are his to act as a tie I'm not surpised he and family are stopping holidays in USA as you divorce him.

Hm… I don’t think it’s that quite clear cut when it comes to the stb ex-DH.

it sounds like he stepped into the role of “father” and took on parental responsibilities. Walking away from that responsibility - a responsibility that wasn’t forced upon him but something he chose or at least accepted - is rather horrible. That would be abandonment imo.

his family however most likely only ever considered his (step)children to be in-laws / somebody they were related to by marriage. It therefore isn’t surprising that they’re cutting ties. But it would be different (in my book) if his mother had called herself these children’s grandmother…

Who was paying for the house that you had for 3 or 4 weeks? Who was paying for flights?

You are divorcing, the kids aren't related to them, as expected they are cutting ties.
It would be strange for them to keep seeing you when you have split, I also don't understand why he would be expected to spend time with the kids when they are not his.
Either you are together or you are not op, you can't have your cake and eat it.