Holiday offer revoked

I'm really surprised you expected this OP. When you divorce you typically lose your status with your exes family. Especially where there are no children to tie you to them. It would need to be a very amicable split indeed, or your partner very wrong in the eyes of his family for them to continue to treat you as they did before.

This is just a normal casualty of divorce.

You can’t possibly have expected to go?!

@Singineletricdreams**
AIBU to think this is shitty behaviour?

Obviously, it's a near unanimous YABU

it's telling that you are not disappointed not to get an invit' this year - which would be more understandable

but you didn't even wait for an invitation but were so entitled they had to tell you they were not expecting you! The only rude person here is you.

Unless he adopted the children, his relationship with them is tenuous at best. He has no legal rights or responsibilities regarding the children which makes it
very difficult to maintain a relationship if he is not in a relationship with their mother.

Divorce means losing the extended family as well.
that can be difficult, but you just have to accept reality in exchange for your freedom.

"He is the only father figure they know and has been a key part of their lives for so long. It’s cruel to discard children like a used tissue. He is still involved and will see them on an ad hoc basis."
so he has not discarded them they are just not invited to stay with his family for free anymore

This can’t be real

Neither you or your kids have any blood ties to any of these people. It's over.

And yes, their behaviour is completely normal. You can't expect free holiday anymore.

I know what you mean op. It’s a tricky one because you have no children together so unless he had been in their lives for years and years and had pretty much adopted them I guess he might not bother to see them much now. It is really sad when children are involved. If you were friends with his sister and family then there’s no need to cut ties but they clearly don’t think this :(.

I guess it’s unrealistic not to expect things to change but it wouldn’t be weird for you and kids to continue a relationship with his family if you were close. Even if you visited separately. Depending on circumstances they are potentially behaving shitty.

So he’s not “discarding them like a used tissue” if he is still involved and will see them on an ad hoc basis, is he?

He’s just not taking them (and you) on this family holiday. And why would he? I think it’s weird that you think this is “shitty behaviour” from your ex and his family. I don’t think this is about your kids, you’re just gutted you’re missing out on your free holiday.

They are not his DC, not his family and you are divorcing. Odd to expect to go.

and why on earth would you still WANT to?

Why on earth did you think you would still go?

I think people are more confused at the idea that he’d want to spend a 3-4 week holiday with his ex partner, as the assumption was that she’d be going too.

how bizarre to expect the family to keep hosting the ex-partner. That won't become awkward at all when their family member has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend and still the ex turns up.

And what about when the ex is with someone else? Expect the family to keep hosting the new couple too?

On no planet is keeping the ex is "normal".

Kids are a bit different, but they are not HIS kids, he still sees them according to the OP, doesn't sound unreasonable that he keeps taking them with him at every holiday he takes - when he has to manage his ex expectations to come with for a free holiday.

No one has to build their entire life around kids not related to them - he can still be in their life, but unlike a real father, all his holidays do not have to include them!

I’m slightly perplexed by many of these replies. Usually family members are expected to treat stepchildren as ‘full’ members of their family, even though they’re not related. Op has also said that dh has been the only father figure her children have known, although we don’t know whether this has been a short-term or long-term situation.

Maybe it was presumptuous of op to presume the usual holiday arrangement would continue, but no one had told her any different, and in fact, the sil actually messaged to say she’d miss seeing them this year. (Fortunately she did, otherwise op would have been none the wiser).

If he’s been their only father figure for as long as they can remember, it would have been nice if he would still take them. It would be exceptionally generous for them to have included you too, but definitely not expected. How old are they? Maybe they could go with him next year?

How long have you been married and how old are the children? You said your ex is the only father figure they know. In that case, I definitely think he should stay in their lives. I disagree with many on MN that stepchildren should never have contact with former stepparents in the event of divorce. If you and your kids have developed strong bonds with his family, I would expect those relationships to continue as well. Family means more than biological or legal connections.

However, it would be odd to have a holiday with your ex present. If his siblings or parents invite you and the children on your own, that would be a lovely gesture. Obviously, you would pay for everything. I can understand why they might not do so, since their loyalty is to their son/brother. It would still be nice of them to invite you or (depending on their ages) the children by themselves if you genuinely have formed strong bonds. If you just want a holiday in a nice location, that is another thing entirely. And a family holiday with your ex involved would be a strain for everyone, even if you have maintained fairly amicable relations with the ex.

How long were you married?
Why are you divorcing?

I would not expect this situation to continue at all, and I don't think many people would. They are not his children and the other kids are not "cousins". You were only a part of this extended family whilst you were married to him and you have no blood ties. Your DH's family would find your visit excrutiatingly awkward on every level. I think you've got a rather odd slant on life (or at least reality) to be honest.

What @SigourneyWeaversVest said.

Did you or him initiate the divorce?

I wouldn't have expected them not to keep up contact with children who they've known across years either and his sister seems to have similar fondness for them. Sorry for the extra hurt.

No - you are no longer going to be his wife, these people will no longer be your inlaes. You need to create a new life