Holiday offer revoked

You said he isn’t even talking to them. Why would you think his relationship with them would continue? Let alone with his extended family?

Especially since the OP described her divorce as “fairly civil” 🤣 I can’t imagine why the extended family isn’t tripping over themselves to host

There is definitely a difference between your exDH popping round with a present on birthdays etc and maybe offering to take them out for a day in the summer holidays to you holidaying with your exDHs extended family for several weeks and at some cost to them.

I don't think you can say yet that he has discarded them until you see how theirs 'ad-hoc' being involved pans out

They may well want to be involved with the kids. But I doubt that extends to hosting their family member’s ex wife for 4 weeks.

He can be involved, which is great, but I’ve no idea why you think his family would want to be.

Im so confused by this as well. I can’t believe you actually thought ‘you’ would go. I suppose if your ex still wanted to bring his ex step children then I guess you could talk about it but that would be quite unusual.

It is sad for the kids as it always is when relationships end. However, these relatives live on a different continent and hopefully it actually make it easier (nice holidays disregarded) than if they were round the corner and had regular contact.

This came as a surprise as I was expecting to go.

I cannot for the life of me begin to imagine why you would OP, even if he did take the children. That in itself might be problematic, as he has no legal parental responsibility. Fine until eg someone is ill.

This isn’t odd at all. The family won’t want to have you and your kids visit now you’re divorcing.

Neither he nor his family have biological or legal ties to your children. It’s entirely normal that their relationship with you and your children ended when your marriage did. Is this always the case? No, but those cases are the exceptions rather than the rule. What you think ‘should’ happen isn’t the reality you’re dealing with, and it’s on you to come to terms with that and lower your expectations.

Sorry OP, but I think it’s normal not to spend holidays with your ex. Only a minority or former partners would holiday together. Your no longer family, so you won’t continue to have family holidays with him.

So he’s going to see them still, good

That doesn’t mean you all get a free three week holiday with your ex-in-laws

When you unblend a blended family, this is entirely normal, emotionally difficult as that may be. If you no longer want the husband, you can't keep his family and keep using them for free holidays.
You and your children were only ever invited to these trips because you were married to him. Now that is no longer the case, you can't invite yourself to stay with them. If they choose to continue inviting you, that would be great. It sounds as if they have chosen not to though.

OP, once divorced you will be his ex.

That is a sad situation for your kids that "the only father they know" will in future only be in ad hoc contact with him. But as that will be the case, then it seems completely obvious that they would no longer be part of his extended family visits and holidays.

Is the "ad hoc in future" relationship with then the kids choice, your choice or hos choice? What age are they?

DH to explain that we still planned to visit but was politely told not to come.

Op can you give more info pls, why did you think it was still OK to go, in a sense, as in you was paying for yourself, you still see them as very dear to you and you always speak to them anyway, kind of way...when you told dh and he said not to come surely he didnt just say dont come, and he said more then this. Whats his reason. He doesn't want to mix with you anymore? Because your acting all causal about thinking you are all still like family but clearly your husband (stbe) had already told his sister you're not coming .. it was sweet of her mention the kids which makes me think you are close and the kids were loved and would be missed too and might explain why you thought you was still going.

Not really, no one is expecting the ex to completely disappear, but the OP says he's still in their life.

As someone completely unrelated, he doesn't have to include them in all his holidays, or any holiday at all. He can still be in their life.

Unfortunately you are no longer part of their family.

I'd need some questions answered before I weigh in with my opinon on this.

1. Who instigated the divorce and how sudden was it?
2. Had you booked the flights and if so was it with the initial approval of your ex? You said you were planning to go this summer, I assume in the school holidays, so in about a month and a half? If you'd booked flights with his approval then I think this would change my feelings on the situation quite a lot. However if you booked them in the midst of a divorce without discussing the situation with him, I would be less sympathetic.
3. How long has he been living with and helping to rise your children? A few years, over a decade etc? Do they call him dad?

I think people are being very quick to judge here, probably because you don't give much information in your posts. Context is everything.

You're being so naive OP

You'll divorce and he'll stop seeing them. Time to book your own holidays.

That’s fair, but I think there’s a lot of pp’s who’ve gone much further than that on this thread and responded with an apparent complete lack of empathy

how old are your children and how long were you together? He is not discarding them, you said he still plans to see them. You are divorcing, it's usual in that situation for both parents to see less of the children. Would you let the kids go with him but without you?

No we’re being realistic. Does it suck for the kids, Yes. But this is the fallout when people remarry, blend families, and otherwise drag children along into their relationships.

Who instigated the divorce? You or him?

Things change when you get divorced
Your ex husband is not your childrens dad ,so obviously that side of the family will stop seeing your children

Agree with this.

This thread- gosh people are so callous and cruel.