Holiday offer revoked

Either hes their dad or he isnt. If hes the only father figure they know he could have adopted them.

Surely you both knew when you divorce this is a risk. It must be hard for him being a "father figure" and now he won't have any rights to those children hes helped raise. I imagine it will be hard for everyone.

But he has to think about if he sees them "ad hoc" and how long that will last if either of you meet someone new?

Long term it might be cleaner and less confusing all around to sever all contact. But I defo wouldn't be expecting a free holiday at his relatives home.

Does the OP not coming back confirm it's as it seemed:
there was never an invitation or any change of plan, she just expected to rock up with her kids and is very miffed they had to tell her that no, she's not invited!

Good on the family to know how to put boundaries, too many people don't dare doing that.

Haven't RTFT - or not all of it - but the title alone seems misleading. No holiday offer appears to have been "revoked". You seem to have just made some crazy assumption that, despite getting divorced from your husband, you and your children (crucially, not his) would still be part of his family and entitled to join in with his family's holidays.

Madness.

YABU

They'd cut contact because hes family and you and your children aren't. And you're saying you feel things are civil but DH may be hurt.

I think its bizarre to think your STBexHs family would give you and your children a free 4 week holiday. And its grabby you assumed that you'd keep access to the his relatives property

@Peaceandquietandacuppa I’m not sure whether it would be advisable for a non family member to take the children abroad tbh, even with written permission from their Mum. Immigration would ask a lot of questions.

This thread should almost be in Classics for the lack of understanding of how entitled this actually sounds. It makes absolutely no difference whether he is dating someone else or not.

There’s enough details different that it’s not the same person, but a soon to be ex in my family thought like this. He was just turning up and using a flat belonging to our family members without asking, and it came out because he did that the same weekend my cousin had legitimately arranged to use it. Cousin turned up to find his soon to be ex BIL there and no one was impressed.

It would be strange of them to still include you and your kids in this OP, sorry. Wouldn’t you find it weird staying in a holiday house with your ex husband?

I think you should turn up at their door anyway, suitcases in tow ready to spend the summer in their home as promised. I can't believe they had the audacity to suggest that you can no longer come. Why not get on a dating app while you're at it and find a bloke to bring along who would like an all expenses covered holiday in the USA? Perhaps see if any of your friends and their kids would like to take advantage of the offer of the free holiday! I don't think you should spend a penny while you're there either.

Lol I think it's strange you were still expecting to go.. were you expecting to go on your own or with your ex?

You’re getting divorced, of course he doesn’t want you there! Bizarre you thought this would continue.

The only way it would be normal for your kids to go would be for him to take your kids without you. That would be if he was planning on still being a parent figure to them that is.

No way is it normal for you to go if you’re breaking up!!

How long was he their stepdad and how old are the kids?

Precisely

I don’t know why you expected to this go. You’re his ex. What were the circumstances of the split? Their allegiance is obviously with him as he’s family.

Soooo weird that you expected to go.

How could you think that is irrelevant?? If they were married a couple of years and the kids were teenagers, obviously the behaviour is totally reasonable. If they’ve been married a decade since the kids were babies/ toddlers then it’s awful for the wider family to cast the kids aside because the parents are divorcing

I know I'm late to the party here and I'm going to say what the majority say but in different words. It would be really nice of him, and ideal, if he continues to have a relationship of sorts with your children, and cross fingers he does.

But to expect to continue 'family' holidays in the US at the expense of his family is quite frankly a bit odd. A divorce means freeing yourself from marital ties.

He might marry someone else. You might. These 'holidays with your ex' will have to stop sometime. He's telling you now is the time and to be fair, he's right.

You can’t go to the Golf Club when you have cancelled your membership.

its v strange that you thought you’d still be invited. Or that you would want to go.

did you think your ex would want to holiday with you?

I can confidently say that he won’t be continuing his relationship with his ex-stepchildren.

had you planned to go on the holiday too or did you think ex dh would take your kids away for a month? Both situations seem a bit odd but I can understand why you are disappointed for your children

Shitty behaviour? On your part, yes, to assume you are getting a free holiday. Pay your own way if it matters that much to you to go.

How long they were married and how old the children were is totally irrelevant. Why would you ask?

Yes they were happy to host their brother and his family. That doesn’t mean anything post divorce. The fact that she’s saying that so far her divorce is ‘fairly civil’ which usually indicates that’s not amicable.

Maybe you like tension filled holidays with two people separating their lives and who can’t be described as friendly or amicable. I can’t say that I’d be willing to spend weeks of my life in that situation let alone host.

Is this the next phase of the #bekind movement? You have to welcome in your family member’s exes or you are a hater?

Who has said she’s still close to the family?