Holiday offer revoked

Having read your update and seen that he is the only father figure they have then I think he should have offered to take them especially if you've been together for years and until now the "step" part has been an irrelvance and and he has been a father to them.
Would you let him take the DC without you? Would they want to go.
I think its completely natural you wouldn't go, that's part of the divorce but it will be devastating for DC if the only father they know disappears from their lives.
I think you need to really talk to him about the relationship with the DC going forward, as a step dad I believe he would have no rights to see them and you would have no rights to child maintenance but for the kids sake I hope you can come to an amicable arrangement and if they are close their relationship will continue .

Oh I don't disagree, it's just the kids that might not understand.

Please remember the holiday offer wasn't revoked- you assumed unreasonably that it would stay open even though you are divorced.
It's unfortunate for your kids, but it's best they understand what happens when a couple divorces-all monetary and other resources stop, if they are not court mandated, no exceptions- I have never heard of a case where this holiday offer would continue to be open.

Ops exs family are not related to her children. Her children will never see them again. Op is allowed to feel disappointed but she can't expect anything more from his family.

I bet the ex hadn't thought for a minute she would assume she was going until she rang

They may not have been aware that OP wished to continue going. It might have come as a bit of a surprise to the family and ExDH. TBH it wouldn't occur to me that an expartner in a family would even consider it. Certainly never heard of it happening.

I don’t think it is shitty, but I do think that the fact you heard it from the family, rather than from your ex is poor form.

even if they had kids together, it would still be weird for the ex to rock up to anything hosted by the husband's family anyway.

You don't keep your in-laws when you split up.

Many people are being harsh on the OP but I get that this is a bit of tricky situation due to that family being like blood family to the OPs kids, and it may be difficult for those kids to understand.

Sadly it's not practical because going forward he may eventually meet a new partner and then it would get unsustainable so they are making the clean break now before it gets awkward.

I suppose it all depends how long you were with him and the age of the children. Obviously he didn't adopt them or even have a proper relationship with them. Did they not live with the two of you as he seems to distance himself from the children rather quickly?
Looking at it from his side you are not together anymore so why should you need to visit his family?
You are not together anymore so I think its best that you forget about him and his family and make new holiday memories for you and your children without him. Good luck!

My friend behaved like this OP when she got divorced. Her ex SiL had/has a very nice holiday home in a very upmarket seaside place in UK much loved by city types. Her XH was planning to take their joint children on holiday there as usual during the summer break and friend was outraged to find that she wasn’t invited- to the point of trying to force the issue legally. Kids were young teens at this point so she couldn’t really argue that they needed her there, and she wasn’t trying to prevent them going, just furious that she was missing out. Her XSiL had to firmly tell her that as she had had an affair and left her brother and was making a settlement extremely difficult, perhaps the atmosphere wouldn’t be conducive to a fun time.

Honestly I’m laughing at you ringing your ex’s relations up telling them you’re going to stay with them for a few weeks over the summer. That’s not how break ups work and these people are no relation to you or your children and the reality is it won’t be long before your ex has a new partner and they may travel .
chalk this one up to being good while it lasted

They may not be cutting contact completely, you’ll just have to navigate that as you go, however, agree with the majority, this sort of holiday is now off the cards for you, sorry, OP.

The fact that your sister in law reached out suggests to be me that it possibly wasn’t their decision but maybe your DH’s?

The fact that OP's sister in law "reached out" is more likely to suggest that she was horrified to hear from her brother that his batshit ex-wife intended to turn up with her brood in a few weeks, expecting another free holiday.

Obviously, his sister wanted to make OP aware (kindly, because she sounds like a nice person) that she isn't welcome to avoid the embarrassment of her turning up.

Whether it's the ex-husband, his sister, or (most likely) his whole family that doesn't want her there is irrelevant. She's not wanted and she's a massively unreasonable, CF to even imagine she should be welcome.

I took it that OP had put out feelers and is now getting rebuffed. But the sister may have innocently sent a kind message about not seeing them, naturally assuming that they wouldn't be going - because in the real world you wouldn't would you? And her timing may have been due to the relatives currently making plans for their family holiday and it made her think of OP and her children.

I'm not 100% sure if OP expected to go with him as well or not

Sadly I think in my own case they did pretend to like me.

Which is ok. I couldn't stand them either 😄

Is this a joke? Are you delulu? You are separating and getting divorced. It’s the end of the relationship and he has no ties to you or YOUR children soon. They are not his responsibility nor warranting any good will gestures or extras. Why would you think that the niceties of holidays would be continued. Admittedly this should have been discussed or brought up previously when divorce has been discussed but wake up and realise anything attachment you had together is now/going to be void after the divorce is finalised.

Not sure why you expected this to continue. What happens when he gets a new partner and possibly his own children, would you expect him and his family to still see you all expect you for holidays ?. The reality is they are not his children and you are no longer together and its unrealistic to expect things will continue as they were with holidays etc. Unfortunately its part of life, people have to move on.

YABU.

He is likely to have another relationship in the future and will not want to have to deal with his new relationship meeting you on future holidays which would look quite odd, and cutting things off cleanly is probably the best thing all round. Hopefully soon you will feel better about this and see it as the best option.

Meant to click yabu

The fact that your sister in law reached out suggests to be me that it possibly wasn’t their decision but maybe your DH’s? If it was them who were thinking you weren’t welcome anymore why would the sister in law say what she did? That seems a little odd.

She's probably just a nice woman who isn’t taking sides and feels sorry for the kids, who are the innocent ones in all this. It doesn’t mean she’s secretly longing to see the OP.

Did anyone actually say “You shouldn’t get divorced” full stop? I don’t think they did. The poster @Lostcat quoted said “If you like the perks associated with the marriage, you should have stayed in it”. In other words, you can’t expect to be treated like a wife when you’re no longer married. That isn’t a judgement on whether OP should have got divorced at all.

You’ve posted a lot about how much you dislike your SD though. Not all blended families are like yours, and not really a standard families should be held to.

@Singineletricdreams I expect he's still fond of them and cares about him but you're divorced. It's highly likely you'll both meet new partners.

Are you not returning? I'm not sure what you expected people to say. When I left ex I checked first to see if it was OK to keep in contact with his best friend (we were close) and he said yes, it's different from children but I realised boundaries had changed