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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP being horrible towards my DCat

259 replies

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:12

DP and I don’t live with each other but he stays over a couple nights a week.

Recently, he has been making increasingly rude comments about my DCat and when I challenge him he just says ‘she’s a cat, she doesn’t have feelings’.

He really isn’t a pet person which is fine but I would expect him to treat mine with respect.

Has anyone had a similar situation and found a solution? I am reluctant to move him in full time unless his attitude changes.

OP posts:
Bonjovispyjamas · 14/06/2025 10:12

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

You don't know that he wouldn't kick her though, you're just presuming.

So what are you going to do? Everyone is saying dump him, but you haven't responded to that.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/06/2025 10:11

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

He has shown you who he is. Someone who is threatening to a small animal and disrespectful about his ex. He is not a prince among men.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/06/2025 10:09

I'm not a cat lover but this is a massive red flag. Cats have feelings, if he doesn't think so he's ok with being cruel to a cat.

FreeRider · 14/06/2025 10:09

He's a disgusting arsehole, for both the way he talks about your cat - of course she has fucking feelings - and about women - I don't give a flying fuck what his ex did to him, that's a beyond vile thing to say about her!

Why on God's green Earth are you even considering staying with this cunt? He's threatening to harm your pet, ffs!

Tortielady · 14/06/2025 10:08

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

Oh no. There's a world of difference between "share my fish with you, Fat Girl? In your dreams!" and spiteful threats. The first is a friendly interaction with the cat (even if the cat isn't getting what she wants. Yet.) the second is directed at you and he means it. Send this fellow on his way. There are plenty of men out there and some of them love cats.

raspberrieswithchocolate · 14/06/2025 10:07

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

The more you say about this man, the worse he sounds. Find someone better, he doesn't respect pets or women.

BunnyRuddington · 14/06/2025 10:06

I’ve voted YABU for keeping this man in your life. The first time someone mentioned kicking my DCat he’d be gone.

An ultimatum won’t change him, he's deeply unpleasant.

Fine if you want to live with a man who is so uncaring and is actually telling you he’d use violence against defensive animals but don’t subject your DCat to his behaviour.

HailtotheBop · 14/06/2025 10:06

Your updates make it crystal clear - he's showing you he's not a good person. I'd be getting rid.

nomas · 14/06/2025 10:05

I bet he is kicking her or tormenting her when you’re not around.

Get rid of him.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 14/06/2025 10:05

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

Jesus. And you're seriously considering staying with him?

If anyone said that about my cat or dog I would never see or speak to them again, never mind consider an intimate relationship.

What a disgusting man.

ArtTheClown · 14/06/2025 10:04

I don't think your cat is safe. What would he do to her when you're out of the room?

DumbbellIdiot · 14/06/2025 10:03

Eeeew. I wonder how useful he feels you are to him? Horrid man. I’d get more cats OP and ditch this man.

justkeepswimingswiming · 14/06/2025 10:03

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

It just gets worse. Sorry but why would someone say that? Its just something you dont say. Youre in denial
here op, hes showing you his true colours if you stay with this man youre going to regret it.

Slatterndisgrace · 14/06/2025 10:03

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

Sounds like he’s holding on to resentment, pretty weird he’s scapegoating your feline though. Weirdo.

CatAsstrophe · 14/06/2025 10:02

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

WTF!!

I'd have kicked him out there and then. He sounds absolutely vile. Anyone who shows even a remote tendency to cruelty to animals is a walking red flag.

Dump and block.

Edited to add -

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

He's even worse than I thought. If you stay with him, you will live to regret it. Guaranteed.

HideousKinky · 14/06/2025 10:02

So he's disrespectful of women too. What a prince you have there OP

Original poster
Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

OP posts:
QuickFawn · 14/06/2025 10:00

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to animals even if they are “joking”

SL129 · 14/06/2025 10:00

Big red flag. Complete lack of respect for you and your cat.

justkeepswimingswiming · 14/06/2025 09:59

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Thats not normal, he’s definitely a sociopath/psychopath who even says that? Fuck the ultimatum. Get rid of him before he starts kicking you around like a football! 🚩

Conqueeftador · 14/06/2025 09:59

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

As Maya Angelou said so very well, “when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time”.

He’s not very nice is he op? Do you really want to spend your life with a man who thinks that way about a living creature? One that you love? Would he think the same thing about a toddler who was being annoying if you have children in the future (probably not, but you never know).

I know I couldn’t spend my life with someone that horrible. Even if it was said in jest, it’s still a really nasty thing to say about a little life your DP loves.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 14/06/2025 09:58

Chazbots · 14/06/2025 09:14

How people treat animals is a good indicator of their character.

This 100%.

I started feeding two stray cats a couple of years ago because they were skeletal and freezing. DH didn't want me to get too attached as he has had cats before and one disappeared with no resolution back when he was married with kids.

He wanted me to find homes for them once they were healthy but....he now carries them around singing to them and making up stories that he tells to them as if they are children. They get three meals a day plus snacks and he has built them a bed.

This is the mark of him as a person.

mumda · 14/06/2025 09:58

@Yasmin98 the ultimatum he needs is go now and quickly.
He won't change and your cat will be tortured behind your back.

researchers3 · 14/06/2025 09:58

PlumpAndCircumstance · 14/06/2025 09:15

Huge red flag - and now you have raised it he is disrespecting you by ignoring your request (as well as being a dick).

id throw this one back in the sea.

This!

colachive · 14/06/2025 09:57

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

PLEASE dump and run! Is there anything worse than someone who jokes about abuse in a way that shows their not really joking…