DP being horrible towards my DCat

I have dumped someone who was nasty about - and it turned out was nasty to - my dog. He kicked the dog out of sight, while I was cooking in the kitchen.
He was out of my life within the hour.

The way people treat animals is, to my mind, a good way to get an idea of their true character.

The kicking the cat comment is awful.
The thing he said about his ex is even worse.
Get rid of this prick.

Both comments show he has absolutely no respect for other living beings. And he won't have any respect for you either.

There's not being a cat person, which is fine and being a cunt, which isn't. He is in the latter category and I would get rid of him.

🙄🙄

no need.

I mean if he’s saying rude things it’s not like the cat can understand is it 😂
If he’s giving her a sly boot up the arse when he thinks you’re not looking then that’s different.

Wtf??? That's awful!

They say if a person wants to be violent to animals, people are next.

Why are you with this disgusting cretin? Why is he still with you after these comments. And why are you only giving him an ultimatum instead of kicking him out of the door? Your boundaries are very poor. I'd be scared what he was like to your poor cat when you aren't in the same room. He's a freak!

Cruel and disrespectful about animals AND women, sounds like a wonderful man.

I'd have a camera on him if he's ever left alone with the cat.

I had a very good friend who I saw punched my dog when she thought I wasn't looking...definite abusive tendencies and no, we're no longer friends.

He is telling you who he is. When people do that, you need to believe them.

He's also testing you to see what you will tolerate. This behaviour is very likely to escalate gradually with nice bits in between.

He will start talking about your family and and friends in the same away and will probably either rough-handle the cat or 'accidentally' hurt it.

You might need to see the escalation for yourself before you believe it will happen. When it does, please recognise it and walk away. If you don't, before you know it, you could be up to your eyes in a coercive controlling relationship without the self-esteem or support around you that you need to get out.

I had an ex who used to say mean (supposedly joking) things about my cat. A friend’s sister told me that making such comments about pets was a classic hallmark of abusive relationships because it basically came down to someone who was prepared to denigrate something that was dear to you.

He sounds like a prick. That’s such a disrespectful and sexist thing to say, it’s offensive to all women. It’s not funny or clever, it’s just rude.

How long have you been with him?

I wonder if he’s getting comfortable and you’re starting to see the real, unpleasant, him.

Ive been with my husband for almost 20yrs and he wouldn’t dream of saying that about an ex or any woman. Nor would he threaten an animal. He just sounds like a very unkind person, not someone I’d want to spend my life with.

Is he doing mean things to the cat or just saying mean things about it?

Doing mean things = he needs to go. Being cruel to animals is a massive red flag.

Saying mean things? Not so much. I foster my MIL's aggressive elderly terrier. The dog smells, is incredibly bitey and annoying (screams rather than barks, needs lifting up and down stairs 20 times a day, poos and wees indoors constantly) and the whole family talks about what a terrible dog she is - it's a sort of family joke. However, we treat her with gentleness and kindness, clean up after her, buy her treats etc.

Oops sorry I’ve just seen your updates. Well yes, he’s threatening physical violence, why are you still with him???

My God, he sounds like a complete cock. You can do better than this idiot.

Wow…sounds like him calling the cat names is just the tip of the iceberg. He thought his ex was ‘lazy’ but he was happy to use her in other ways? There’s a whole lot beneath the surface with this one OP.

But aren’t you really just being passive aggressively rude to your partner? If you have a problem with the food he gives your cat, then talk to him. Going around calling things fat (which we don’t use that term for anything in our house with young kids) isn’t funny or nice. So even though the cat doesn’t understand, your partner does and to me, it’s just unnecessary rudeness on your part.

But aren’t you really just being passive aggressively rude to your partner? If you have a problem with the food he gives your cat, then talk to him. Going around calling things fat (which we don’t use that term for anything in our house with young kids) isn’t funny or nice. So even though the cat doesn’t understand, your partner does and to me, it’s just unnecessary rudeness on your part.

Yep - I know he’s an abusive arse hole but I looooooooooooove him’

Seen it too many times on here

What do you mean by “rude comments”? If it’s “stop walking over me, you’re annoying” that’s fine. But if it’s something horrible, that’s a different story altogether!

I don’t like cats and I’m allergic to them so I couldn’t be with someone who had a cat.

Moreover, ignore the red flags when they've received massive advice from other women.

Yep. Hence the endless MN threads saying ‘he’s so sweet and kind and caring and a great dad but…….’

Followed by a list of more red flags than a communist party rally

your poor cat.
You can and should be making better life choices but she is dependent on you to be a responsible and caring owner and make any choices for her. Anything other than kicking his arse out of your life and the home you share with your cat makes you complicit in anything he clearly wants to inflict on her if he’s not done so already.

No you do t need to give him an ultimatum because he’s shown you who he is

You just need to tell him to fuck off

Completely unacceptable. He doesn't have to love the cat but he does need to respect everything you care about.