Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP being horrible towards my DCat

259 replies

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:12

DP and I don’t live with each other but he stays over a couple nights a week.

Recently, he has been making increasingly rude comments about my DCat and when I challenge him he just says ‘she’s a cat, she doesn’t have feelings’.

He really isn’t a pet person which is fine but I would expect him to treat mine with respect.

Has anyone had a similar situation and found a solution? I am reluctant to move him in full time unless his attitude changes.

OP posts:
OtterlyMad · 14/06/2025 11:12

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 11:09

Pull the other one.

You knew exactly what she meant.

Show quote history

Nope, I even googled it but just got taken to the Decathlon website!

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 14/06/2025 11:12

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

So he speaks in a disgusting way about animals AND other women.

This isn't ultimatum time, this is LTB time.

nautys · 14/06/2025 11:11

I’ve read all your posts, OP. Get rid of this man. He’s a massive red flag and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s abusive to his partners as well as animals.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 11:09

OtterlyMad · 14/06/2025 11:04

No need for what? I presumed it was shorthand for a specific breed of cat
But now I understand that I must say “ddog” when talking about my beloved pet otherwise people might think I hate animals…

Show quote history

Pull the other one.

You knew exactly what she meant.

Enko · 14/06/2025 11:09

I am not a cat person but even to me that is a LTB.

I dont tolerate any level of put down or harassment of anumals.

Nanny0gg · 14/06/2025 11:08

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

Dump. Him

Unicorn34 · 14/06/2025 11:07

Chazbots · 14/06/2025 09:14

How people treat animals is a good indicator of their character.

100% this

ChocolateCinderToffee · 14/06/2025 11:07

Don’t bother with the ultimatum. If you move him in, he’ll ill-treat your cat when you’re not there. Dump him now.

Ivytheterrible2025 · 14/06/2025 11:06

Actually he's not your DP is he?!
He's your SP - Sadistic Partner.
There's nothing "darling" about him!
Take your cat and run!

JustASmallBear · 14/06/2025 11:06

Why are you with this man? He's horrible.

What is the point of an ultimatum?

Be nice to my cat or else.

Okay.

Moves in.

Continues to be a cunt.

PlantsHaveTakenOverMyHome · 14/06/2025 11:04

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

Have my first LTB. Seriously.

OtterlyMad · 14/06/2025 11:04

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 10:42

🙄🙄

no need.

Show quote history

No need for what? I presumed it was shorthand for a specific breed of cat
But now I understand that I must say “ddog” when talking about my beloved pet otherwise people might think I hate animals…

WithoutACherryOnTheTop · 14/06/2025 11:04

He is telling you very loudly and very clearly who he is. Believe him and get rid asap.

Ivytheterrible2025 · 14/06/2025 11:03

Pets always come before idiots.
The DP has to go!

LurkyMcLurkinson · 14/06/2025 11:03

Run don’t walk. A man who can speak that way about animals and women is not someone you want to have a relationship with.

MasterBeth · 14/06/2025 11:02

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 14/06/2025 11:00

Have you actually read the full thread?

Show quote history

Yes. I have.

Have you read my full post?

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 14/06/2025 11:00

MasterBeth · 14/06/2025 10:57

You are all nuts.

He didn't kick the cat or starve the cat or throw water over the cat.

He wasn't nasty TO THE CAT.

He said some words about the cat that, if the cat were a person, the cat may not have liked.

But the cat doesn't know this BECAUSE IT'S A CAT!!

EDIT: Actually have no changed my mind because the OP has changed her story.

In the first post she said he was "rude to the cat "

Now she says he is threatening to injure the cat.

These are completely different things.

Edited

Have you actually read the full thread?

Praying4Peace · 14/06/2025 10:59

Profpudding · 14/06/2025 09:14

That’s a big red flag. Any cruelty towards animals indicates the disposition to be cruel to children and anybody else they considered to be vulnerable.

No indication of cruelty to the cat.
I like pet animals but ime some pet owners are completely ott

FortyElephants · 14/06/2025 10:59

Slatterndisgrace · 14/06/2025 09:29

What are the cues? This stuff fascinates me.

Show quote history

Sometimes he gets overstimulated because he needs to go out and get rid of some energy and you can see it as he starts stalking about the house attacking his toys and random things and waving his tail around. It's worse in spring time when there are more baby animals around. If you don't pay attention he will ambush out of nowhere and rip your ankles to shreds. Also if he's being given attention he also gets overstimulated and can't help biting your hand so you have to give him just the right amount of strokes and send him away before he bites 😆 I've had him for 10 years so I know him, but poor DH had a few injuries before he got the hang of it

MasterBeth · 14/06/2025 10:57

You are all nuts.

He didn't kick the cat or starve the cat or throw water over the cat.

He wasn't nasty TO THE CAT.

He said some words about the cat that, if the cat were a person, the cat may not have liked.

But the cat doesn't know this BECAUSE IT'S A CAT!!

EDIT: Actually have no changed my mind because the OP has changed her story.

In the first post she said he was "rude to the cat "

Now she says he is threatening to injure the cat.

These are completely different things.

HarryVanderspeigle · 14/06/2025 10:50

Was he dating a cat? Can't imagine why else the cat would remind him of his ex. All of this is deeply uncomfortable and I cannot fathom why you are still with him.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 10:50

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

He'd be EX bf.

LogicVoid · 14/06/2025 10:50

He has failed to reach the standard required. He never will. Good that he hasn't moved in yet.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 10:48

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:32

Thanks all, these replies are reassuring and make me realise I need to give him a clear ultimatum.

I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum, he'll just hide how horrible he is (when you're there) then not when you aren't.if he moves in the resentment if the cat would get worse.

Animal people should be with animal people. Not psychopaths

Leeds157 · 14/06/2025 10:48

This won’t change and will only get worse, a little extreme for some but I wouldn’t be able to be with someone like this. Lacking compassion for animals is one thing, but actively disliking them and trying to push their internal belief that cats don’t have feelings onto you is gaslighting and this kind of thing will start to spread into other elements and topics of your life.
after seeing the later post in which he comments jokingly about kicking the cat, what a disgusting person, to insinuate harming a defenceless animal and this may well escalate into domestic abuse. OP, your cat is dependent on you for everything, you owe it to her to remove any likeliness of her being harmed by getting rid of him, she has absolutely no way of defending herself against any potential harm from a human