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Original poster

DP being horrible towards my DCat

259 replies

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:12

DP and I don’t live with each other but he stays over a couple nights a week.

Recently, he has been making increasingly rude comments about my DCat and when I challenge him he just says ‘she’s a cat, she doesn’t have feelings’.

He really isn’t a pet person which is fine but I would expect him to treat mine with respect.

Has anyone had a similar situation and found a solution? I am reluctant to move him in full time unless his attitude changes.

OP posts:
JohnTheRevelator · 14/06/2025 17:27

Bloody hell I wouldn't put up with this. It was one of the (many) reasons that last partner is now my ex. He really didn't like my cat. She's very attached to me and liked to be with me in my bedroom,but he hated her being on the bed. Quite a few times I would leave the room,then go back to see the cat running out of the room looking perturbed,and him closing the door behind her. I strongly suspect he was shooing her out. It sounds stupid but I think he was jealous of her. Pathetic really. He hated me giving attention to anyone or anything but him.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 14/06/2025 17:26

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 15:20

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

I wouldn’t bother he’s already shown you who he is why don’t you believe him?

CatAsstrophe · 14/06/2025 17:11

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 15:20

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

Oh dear, your bar is VERY low.

xsquared · 14/06/2025 16:39

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 09:40

It is things like, if DCat gets in my way again I’m going to kick her like a football.

Show quote history

Absolutely do not put up with comments like this even in jest. He is showing you who he is. A loving DP would not even dare to make jokes about violence. That is the sort of thing that abusers say as "banter".

Alarm bells are ringing so loudly here. You need to get rid of this potential abuser.

anyolddinosaur · 14/06/2025 16:32

Keep the cat. Dump the partner.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 14/06/2025 16:24

MadamCholetsbonnet · 14/06/2025 16:04

Christ! You must be absolutely desperate

Give her a break. We can see clearly from the outside that she needs to get rid. But from the inside these things sneak up on you. He won’t have been horrible on the first date, it will have been a slow process. She’s realised what he’s like now, but it’s a sudden thing and she’s used to thinking of his as her partner. Once you’ve had your eyes opened you see more and more. Very few women leave the man the moment they realise there’s a problem, it takes a while to change how you think about someone.

Saltedcarameltiramisucheesecake · 14/06/2025 16:20

LTB, obviously. And I say that as a dog person.
A lot of murderers start out being cruel to animals.Fact.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 14/06/2025 16:11

This would be a deal breaker for me. He's probably thinking that he will be able to persuade you to get rid of the cat once he moves in. Do you want him making huge decisions like that and expecting you to fall into line? What about what you want?
Kick this man back into the mating pool and I guarantee your life will improve. There's another cat loving person out there for you.

Ecstaticmotion · 14/06/2025 16:05

Chazbots · 14/06/2025 09:14

How people treat animals is a good indicator of their character.

This. They might be disinterested, but to be actively rude is telling you something about him.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 14/06/2025 16:04

Christ! You must be absolutely desperate

Bonjovispyjamas · 14/06/2025 16:02

Wow, you're still going to stay with this cat hating, misogynistic bastard? What good qualities does he have?

QuickFawn · 14/06/2025 15:55

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 15:20

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

do let us know when you finally break up with him, they’ll be a queue of mumsnetters keen to bag this catch 🙃

Mookie81 · 14/06/2025 15:34

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 15:20

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

Ridiculous. Hmm

Original poster
Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 15:20

Thanks all, I’m going to give him a final warning and will not rush in to moving him in on a more permanent basis.

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 14/06/2025 15:06

SunnySideDeepDown · 14/06/2025 10:32

But aren’t you really just being passive aggressively rude to your partner? If you have a problem with the food he gives your cat, then talk to him. Going around calling things fat (which we don’t use that term for anything in our house with young kids) isn’t funny or nice. So even though the cat doesn’t understand, your partner does and to me, it’s just unnecessary rudeness on your part.

Show quote history

Do you know me and my partner? No you don't and with your tone I'm glad you don't know me. There aren't any children in my house and I once called myself fat. Wind your neck in.

Courgettezuchinni · 14/06/2025 13:57

Balloonhearts · 14/06/2025 09:23

How a person treats animals and children is a big indicator of what kind of person they are. I'd dump him tbh.

⬆️ - This! 💯%

MeridianB · 14/06/2025 13:54

Profpudding · 14/06/2025 09:14

That’s a big red flag. Any cruelty towards animals indicates the disposition to be cruel to children and anybody else they considered to be vulnerable.

This. He is not a good person.

Your update about his ex having her uses is beyond gross.

You and your cat deserve way better.

QuickFawn · 14/06/2025 13:37

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

he sounds utterly revolting… please raise your bar and ditch him

Createausername1970 · 14/06/2025 13:37

Yasmin98 · 14/06/2025 10:01

I don’t think he would actually kick DCat, I know the statement looks extreme written down.

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

Yuk.

I wouldn't be looking to move him in, I would be getting rid.

DontTouchRoach · 14/06/2025 13:35

Obviously the cat doesn’t have feelings about what people say to it, but the point is that you do. Your boyfriend knows you find this upsetting and he’s continuing to do it just to hurt you because he knows you love the cat. He’s jealous of a fucking cat and you need to ditch him.

twoshedsjackson · 14/06/2025 13:30

As I said on another thread - cats before twats.
Worrying remarks about the animal reminds me of people who seek to impress by being rude to serving staff; they shore up their self-esteem by negging those they consider beneath them.
If his retort is that the cat doesn't understand language, or have feelings. you should point out that you do, and he is not respecting this.

TonTonMacoute · 14/06/2025 13:14

This twat's attitude towards your cat is the least of your problems OP.

Get rid - and I'm not talking about the kitty!

CurlewKate · 14/06/2025 12:42

I suppose it depends. I say some pretty horrible things about my cats soetimes
sometimes joking, sometimes not.They do have feelings, of course they do-but they don’t understand language. Is he horrible to her physically?

ThePinkOtter · 14/06/2025 12:41

He’s waving a neon red flag in your face, OP. Thank him for the warning and get rid of him.

I had a boyfriend once who didn’t believe that animals have feelings or feel pain the same way humans do. I should have listened and broke up with him sooner instead of later, it’s not a sign of a good person.

Balloonhearts · 14/06/2025 12:38

He said something last night (which prompted me to post) about DCat reminding him of his ex who he broke up with. Saying that she was lazy too but at least she had her uses in other ways (meaning sexually) which I found really uncomfortable.

Oh, God, instant ick. I just closed up so fast, I think I'm a virgin again. You cannot possibly find this man attractive?