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Original poster

To put this in my will? DC holiday

36 replies

Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/06/2025 09:04

I’ve just been reading the other thread about wills, and it got me thinking.
we’re doing ours soon.
my three DC are all adult. If something unexpected happened, they would each get about £120k from our estate.
they are very close but don’t often get the opportunity to hang out together, usually this is at our home at Christmas, or on a larger family holiday.
im considering ring fencing eg £5k from the will for them to get a cottage or something for a holiday so they can spend time together a few times.
or is that annoying and controlling?

OP posts:
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Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/06/2025 14:49

onceuponatimeinneverland · 14/06/2025 09:08

Are you an archers fan as this exact scenario is playing out now.

Beat me to it!

Sansan18 · 14/06/2025 14:46

onceuponatimeinneverland · 14/06/2025 09:08

Are you an archers fan as this exact scenario is playing out now.

Exactly what I thought, it's going to be a script writers dream.

PennyAnnLane · 14/06/2025 14:44

Don’t be that person.

Original poster
Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/06/2025 14:08

I have lots of holidays with them now, as I’ve said that is not the issue at all.
thanks for the ideas, I think I will put it in a letter of wishes.

OP posts:
MoochyMooch · 14/06/2025 11:12

Yup, it’s another vote for annoying and controlling. Why not book a holiday now while you are still alive and enjoy a holiday with them.

GnomeDePlume · 14/06/2025 10:59

I would say controlling but that is because the terms of DM's Will mean that DB's and I will be made to work together for an extended period.

We don't get on and never seek opportunities to be together.

DM fantasises that we are a close family. We aren't

Fratolish · 14/06/2025 10:27

Really odd and controlling..they're adults, if they want a space to hang out together they can sort it themselves. It's almost insulting to put it in there, as if they can't take any responsibility for their relationship themselves.

titchy · 14/06/2025 10:24

If they’re inheriting £120k each, presumably money won’t be a barrier to them getting together in the future, and they’re adults and if they wanted to get together, they’d arrange it.

Radionowhere · 14/06/2025 10:22

This has the potential to cause no end of problems OP. Very controlling and, frankly, annoying.

KingPrinceCharles · 14/06/2025 10:18

Nopayrise · 14/06/2025 09:07

Put it in a non-binding letter of wishes as something you would like to happen, not your actual will

This ☝

Flossflower · 14/06/2025 10:06

I think you are being really controlling. I just don’t like people who use their money to control things beyond their grave.
I have adult children and I get it that you want them to carry on seeing each other but this may even drive a wedge between them.

InterestedDad37 · 14/06/2025 10:02

I think it's a lovely idea, and a lovely thought 😊 But make it something you'd like to happen with the money, rather than binding in any way.

Kateb12 · 14/06/2025 09:56

Just seems like you are dangling a carrot if you do this to be honest. Not a criticism, a lot of people do with their estates, so you are not the only one!

PomeloOud · 14/06/2025 09:49

Really controlling. If they want to hang out together, they will.

I get on with my siblings and when we get together, we enjoy it. But never, ever would we go away with each other and I’d hate to think we were being forced into it from beyond the grave.

Original poster
Twoshoesnewshoes · 14/06/2025 09:46

Thanks all, the letter of wishes is a great idea.
we do all get together when we can and we have an extended family holiday every year (paid for by my mum), we also offer ours a holiday or city break every year so it’s not about doing it now rather than after we are gone.
its more about providing a space for them to get together as presumably they will sell the family home.

OP posts:
LetMeGoogleThat · 14/06/2025 09:44

To dictate it in the Will would be controlling, but given you're not actually dead why can't you just have a conversation and tell them your wishes. Both of my parents are dead, but I'm the one who remembers my mums wishes that we don't lose touch and organises an annual get together.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/06/2025 09:42

Nopayrise · 14/06/2025 09:07

Put it in a non-binding letter of wishes as something you would like to happen, not your actual will

I think this is the way to go!

And the sentiment is lovely... I'd be really pleased had my parents done this...!

Matrons · 14/06/2025 09:42

Spend the money now and take them all away while you can join them??

That's what your children would appreciate most

Summerisere · 14/06/2025 09:42

I don’t think I’d put that in my will but I would book such trips while I am alive.

Tiredandtiredagain · 14/06/2025 09:39

Very controlling, if you’re giving them a gift then give it, without strings.

Fargo79 · 14/06/2025 09:29

I don't think it's controlling - it's your money. I think some PP are putting a slant on it that doesn't apply in your case. You say they are close and that they do already sometimes go on large family holidays together, so it's not a case of forcing feuding siblings to spend time together.

I think it's a nice gesture and I would like this if I were one of the adult children. It's your money to gift how you see fit.

islcg · 14/06/2025 09:27

I don't think you should do this.
Make the will simple and avoid adding layers of complication.

My dad add something a bit like this to his will and it was a bit of a nightmare to sort out in the end and the solicitor who was the executor delayed payg out the rest of the money until it was sorted out.

bluecurtains14 · 14/06/2025 09:13

onceuponatimeinneverland · 14/06/2025 09:08

Are you an archers fan as this exact scenario is playing out now.

I was just thinking this is Peggy posting from beyond the grave!

Whatwouldnanado · 14/06/2025 09:12

Hasn’t this just happened in the Archers?
I think it depends on how close the family is. Our lot love going away together. We plan to pay for a trip when my pension lump sum comes through and go with them!

FunnyCrabDance · 14/06/2025 09:12

I half jokingly have told mine i will set them a quest to spinkle my ashes in various places together, on a mountain, a river, over the sea, that type of thing but its not formally in a Will yet and in reality it might be a horrible experience for them and not the poignant picture i have in my mind!
As much as i think the idea is nice of ring fencing a holiday fund for them, they might not and it is a bit controlling. Can you suggest everyone should do it sooner, rather than after ?

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