To think neighbours should have had their son apologise?

Your comment about British culture is stupid and insulting to be honest.

My neighbour's son, age 12, threw rocks at my children and me when he was not invited to my son’s birthday party. I did not grow up in the U.K. but am raising my children here. I would have imagined that most parents would have at minimum had their child go back and apologise for the violent / harmful behaviour. These parents haven’t done any of that. They saw him - and they did try to stop him - but when I later spoke to them expressing concerns, they simply made excuses, saying he was just being emotional because he felt disappointed. For the record, he and my son are not even close, although we have had him over a few times. And the birthday party he missed was not something he saw taking place - he only heard about it.

is the norm in British culture to teach children who misbehave in an extreme way to go back and apologise, build character and integrity, etc? Please tell me these neighbours are in the minority. Am I wrong to think they should have had their son apologise?

Unfortunately it is becoming more and more common for parents to fob of their kids bad behaviour and let them grow up feral. My 3 have issues. 2 are autistic ADHD 1 of those with mild learning disabilities, the 3rd severely autistic. 2 wouldn't dare behave like that and would of cried for a couple of hours til I could figure out what would distract them and the 3rd would likely throw whatever he was holding, and cry as he does when he's upset but is always told off for it and whatever it is taken away. Apologies would of been the first thing after being told off. The norm is to teach kids manners however more and more are being left to their own devices.

She wants a forced apology to humiliate him. It is an act of power.

She wants a forced apology to humiliate him. It is an act of power.

I do think in the UK we are softer and try to understand the feelings behind a behaviour, so I suspect it would be normal to say "I'm so sorry he did that, the reason is that he's disappointed" to show they recognise what's going on. However, I would never in a million years allow that behaviour to stand and I'm a liberal British parent with a sen child who can have outbursts. He'd immediately be writing a letter of apology and there'd be a consequence, because you can be disappointed and not throw rocks at people! They sound like awful parents tbh. Definitely not reflective of the general British culture.

I do think children are probably louder and less disciplined than some countries, a lot of countries have a "seen and not heard" culture whereas British culture is more based around what children think/want/feel (soft play, children based activities, children's trails in museums etc). That level of repressing children's instincts is seen as old fashioned style parenting (along with physical punishment).

I did not say that the child should not be punished. I was merely responding to the poster of what was a forced apology supposed to do.

I think that the child should be punished, I never said that I didn't. After this has taken place, I also think that the child should have the opportunity to reflect on his behaviour, in a supportive environment so that he learns from it. Punishment and reflection are two different processes. Then the child needs to have support on how to make better decisions in the future.

The fact of the matter it appears that the child reacted because he was hurt because he didn't get to attend a party of someone who he considered a friend. The behaviour is very wrong and could have lead to serious injury. But forcing the child to come an apologise, as an act of power, and letting the OP and her children gloat over him, before he has had the chance to reflect and respond, will not led to improvements in behaviour.

The OP is also upset the the child wasn't punished in front of her so that she could determine if she was satisfied that it fit her criteria of what she deemed fit. It doesn't even make sense to me that she didn't see the value in allowing him to de-escalate so that he could get more value in the lesson in the behaviour correction. The parents seem to have stopped the behaviour and will deal with it in doors, not as some public spectacle.

The whole post reeks of the OP being insulting to British culture anyway, and I'm not even British.

Thank you so much for confirming that. That is what I thought, but my STBX partner’s family (who is also an expat) wants me to move countries with him, and he is using this situation to try to convince me that I should move, saying the children won’t learn character or good manners from the culture. I thought that was ridiculous but I then start doubting myself. One of his many tactics. I often finding myself needing to reality check things.

Thank you so much for confirming that. That is what I thought, but my STBX partner’s family (who is also an expat) wants me to move countries with him, and he is using this situation to try to convince me that I should move, saying the children won’t learn character or good manners from the culture. I thought that was ridiculous but I then start doubting myself. One of his many tactics. I often finding myself needing to reality check things.

I don't really understand the point of forced apologies.

If they're making him apologize, he doesn't mean it. He isn't actually sorry. It's just pretending.

There should be consequences for what he's done, but "go lie to the people you assaulted" shouldn't be one of those consequences. What's the point?

I don't really understand the point of forced apologies.

If they're making him apologize, he doesn't mean it. He isn't actually sorry. It's just pretending.

There should be consequences for what he's done, but "go lie to the people you assaulted" shouldn't be one of those consequences. What's the point?