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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using 'We' when talking about yourself.

85 replies

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 00:22

AIBU to do this in a fairly light hearted way?

Is it just going with the modern times.
I like to for whatever reason esp when telling a story.

Also AIBU to be slightly annoyed when the other person doesn't get it? 🙄

OP posts:
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MyIvyGrows · 14/06/2025 19:56

I haaaaaaaaaate “who’s she? The cat’s mother?” It’s not rude to say “yes she will attend” rather than “yes, Angela will attend” when it’s obvious to everyone that you’re speaking about Angela.

queenmeadhbh · 14/06/2025 16:52

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:41

"We love to see it" gets used a lot on tv/ social media posts.

And it's more an assumption about we in general.

Edited

But doesn’t the “we” imply the company who is posting? I’ve never seen a personal social media account refer to themselves as “we” or “us”

NoBinturongsHereMate · 14/06/2025 16:37

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:41

"We love to see it" gets used a lot on tv/ social media posts.

And it's more an assumption about we in general.

Edited

Does it? In what context?

TheOGBethDuttton · 14/06/2025 14:40

This is all kinds of weird, unless you have multiple personalities

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 14:13

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:31

Believe me ,,I do pull him up on it

Show quote history

Well done!

ThinWomansBrain · 14/06/2025 14:04

it's not a "bug" - it's being too lazy to use the English language correctly.
I occasionally get confused when people use the "they" thing because it's someone's preferred pronoun, and I think it's a plural "they" but have never heard of "we" instead of "I" - unless I have unknowingly, but assumed that someone was talking about themselves and a partner.

Eldermileniummam · 14/06/2025 13:58

It's weird OP. I wouldn't get it either for were my friend and said "we" when you meant you alone. I'd be confused.

mondaytosunday · 14/06/2025 13:46

I say we sometimes, like ‘we bought a house in London’, when it was me who bought it. But I suppose I think it’s a family purchase and my DD lives here too. I also think it just makes me sound less on my own (I’m a widow).

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:41

"We love to see it" gets used a lot on tv/ social media posts.

And it's more an assumption about we in general.

OP posts:
DontTouchRoach · 14/06/2025 13:37

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 00:40

I say it in more of a humorous way or self-deprecating way.

It sounds like quite an irritating affectation.

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:24

I mean when you say he or she and someone goes "who's she "?
Yeh I say they when talking about him and would also if talking about she.
What's the point of using their names all the time esp when the person your talking to doesn't know them.

OP posts:
Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 13:18

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:13

Does he say "they" when talking about who he went out with. So it comes across that it could be a few friends or one female or male.?
I find when I say "they" I don't have to go into any detail about who I've been out with. Doesn't always work as someone might ask for specifics but I like the casual ness of saying they.
I don't like it when someone asks me if I've gone somewhere alone. Perhaps me saying they gives the impression my so called friend/ s don't exist 🤔

Anyway it's all very fascinating.

Edited
Show quote history

No he says they/we when he means me/him.
why is saying he or she rude . Have you drunk too much of the gender kool-ade?

Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:13

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:31

Believe me ,,I do pull him up on it

Show quote history

Does he say "they" when talking about who he went out with. So it comes across that it could be a few friends or one female or male.?
I find when I say "they" I don't have to go into any detail about who I've been out with. Doesn't always work as someone might ask for specifics but I like the casual ness of saying they.
I don't like it when someone asks me if I've gone somewhere alone. Perhaps me saying they gives the impression my so called friend/ s don't exist 🤔

Anyway it's all very fascinating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 13:00

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:02

My son does this all the time , I get incredibly annoyed and confused by it

“we went to ….” - Who did you go with?
“we can come on Saturday” - but I only invited you ( he is single ! )

I thin it comes from using they / them all the time - because he is so progressive and doesn’t seem to like using sex pronouns .

I do love my son but not his views on some things .

Okay I don't really use it in that way.

But in the past I often used they about male friends. Dunno why. Probably didn't want to be questioned on the relationship status.
But then it's rude to say he or she. Can't win sometimes.
I use people's names to talk about them of course but im not someone to repeat peoples names and I don't like hearing my name said a lot.
Call me by your name..id rather that.. good film!!
But I am weird in the fact I don't use people's names until I've got to know them a little.
Or remember. Example anyone new at work. Or a relatives partner.

OP posts:
PithyGreenBee · 14/06/2025 11:45

I get where this could be used humourously but it sort of sounds pompous so the other person has to know that you're joking.

You need to find friends who have a similar sense of humor and only do it when with them!

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:31

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 11:30

Nope, not sex/pronouns based. He just needs to be told it's wrong & stupid.

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Believe me ,,I do pull him up on it

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 11:30

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:02

My son does this all the time , I get incredibly annoyed and confused by it

“we went to ….” - Who did you go with?
“we can come on Saturday” - but I only invited you ( he is single ! )

I thin it comes from using they / them all the time - because he is so progressive and doesn’t seem to like using sex pronouns .

I do love my son but not his views on some things .

Nope, not sex/pronouns based. He just needs to be told it's wrong & stupid.

AmelieSummer25 · 14/06/2025 11:28

Aquarius1234 · 14/06/2025 01:15

If you say I too much isn't it slightly self absorbed?

Why you need to say I, anymore than the average single person??

I'm single & live alone. I say I bought a new sofa, I'm putting the house in the market, I'm going to France, because there is no (longer) a WE doing those things.

what you're doing isn't self depreciating or anything other than plan weird!

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:21

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/06/2025 11:20

That's bonkers though. 'I' is not a sex-based pronoun!

Show quote history

I agree !

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/06/2025 11:20

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:02

My son does this all the time , I get incredibly annoyed and confused by it

“we went to ….” - Who did you go with?
“we can come on Saturday” - but I only invited you ( he is single ! )

I thin it comes from using they / them all the time - because he is so progressive and doesn’t seem to like using sex pronouns .

I do love my son but not his views on some things .

That's bonkers though. 'I' is not a sex-based pronoun!

RatherTardy · 14/06/2025 11:19

Using "myself" grammatically incorrectly is worse.
My teeth itch and the person saying it instantly identifies themselves as an idiot
Which is, perhaps, handy to know

ThatNimblePeer · 14/06/2025 11:07

The only person I can think of who does this is Taylor Swift. I think you might have to face OP that she can get away with things us mere mortals cannot.

Marmaladelover · 14/06/2025 11:02

My son does this all the time , I get incredibly annoyed and confused by it

“we went to ….” - Who did you go with?
“we can come on Saturday” - but I only invited you ( he is single ! )

I thin it comes from using they / them all the time - because he is so progressive and doesn’t seem to like using sex pronouns .

I do love my son but not his views on some things .

ChillOutMate · 14/06/2025 10:51

I used to talk about 'we' in the job context. I don't know why, maybe because I've always felt part of a team and when 'i' make decisions it feels like they are 'we' decisions.

I barely noticed I was doing it until -I once didn't get a job because the interviewer thought I'd never made any decisions for myself because I kept talking about 'we' in the interview!!! (I'm v pleased she was honest in giving me that feedback!)

Since then, I am v v conscious to make myself say 'I' when I mean 'I', and I only say 'we' when I truly mean that there were more than one of us making a decision/doing something..

You learn the hard way sometimes..

Koazy · 14/06/2025 10:46

I can’t think of what you mean but sounds weird Af to we.