Ex’s unreasonable demands to my house?

Stop talking to him about anything other than your child FFS. It sounds like he enjoys winding you up and you are letting him. His opinion on what he thinks you should do is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what his friends say. He uses them to wind you up too. It doesn't even matter what we say. YOU are an adult and YOU are the boss of you.

His friends all give their ex’s keys to their houses do they?
Who told you that? The emotionally abusive controlling ex by any chance? 🤣🤣 I doubt they told him anything of the sort. He’s just made that up to make you seem unreasonable.

Neither is drunk driving safe. I wouldn't let a child in a car with him.

OP he is an EX. That gives him no traction in your life whatsoever. Don't talk, don't engage, communicate only about DC and do it all in writing. Your home and your life is nothing to do with him. No way at all can he feel entitled to come to your home.
Don't let him if he tries. 🌷

I am going to give you a word of warning @rudddy

If you let strangers and randoms into your home and you get burgled/robbed , say you go to the police and say 'I know it was my ex's friend 'Jon' lets say the police dust for fingerprints in your home, and there are 'Jon' fingerprints found, then Jon gets to say, 'Oh but I've been around rudddy house before, must have been from then.'
Happened to a friend of mine. There was nothing she could do, and nothing got done.

He can do pick ups/drop offs from the gate or pavement.
Please don't listen to his lies.
He has no power over you.

Block him and all his horrible friends and family keep the nice ones and only communicate through a parenting app. Have you looked up the grey rock method? It generally works for nasty nut cases like him

No no no no no! He can fuck right off. Well done for getting rid of this piece of shit.

Never in a million years. Ever.

I feel so harassed by him

That's because he is continuing his abuse by harassing you.

OP, can I ask how old your kids are, only be prepared, depending on their age, that he may even try to fool them into giving him a key, so please ensure that you know where all keys are, at ALL TIMES!!

I also agree with the other posters who have suggested that you don't continue contact with his family. They may have seemed like they were nice to you while you were together, BUT, they WILL turn against you, and they WILL tell him EVERYTHING that you say to them, so please just stop thinking of them as family in ANY way. I know that they are your children's grandparents, but it's down to HIM from here on in, to arrange for contact between the children and HIS family, while you continue contact for the children with YOUR family.

Nothing he says or does is likely to be for your benefit, so while I'm really hoping you will take the advice you've been given to only communicate with him via email or an app, if you do see him, and he starts getting chatty, asking about how you're settling into your new place, etc., DO NOT be tempted to tell him that, you've for example, got a window that's sticking, or you need to get some shelves put up, as I can GUARANTEE that he will volunteer to get one of his scummy mates around to do it for you. If you should find yourself in this situation, then say 'No thanks, I've got someone else who is going to do it for me', but again, no more information than that.

DON'T EVER BE FOOLED INTO THINKING THIS MAN HAS CHANGED, OR CARES ABOUT YOU IN ANY WAY OP - HE DOESN'T!!

He's trying to control you. You need very clear and firm boundaries. He can do drop offs and pick ups at the door. No to ring access. No to getting a key. No to hosting his family or friend. Your home is your sanctuary don't let anyone invade your space. With the gifts I'd support DC to make a card for DC sake if they haven't already made one at school.

No, no and no again.

He has no right to be in your house, he certainly doesn’t get to invite his skanky druggy mates into it for any reason. His family can see the dc when it’s his contact time.

He has no right to ever be in the car with you, I suggest you immediately stop relying on him for lifts given you’re getting a car soon.

Stop letting him take the piss. Put in extremely firm boundaries.

Why are you spending any time with this man? I wouldn't have asked him for any lifts.

Omfg no! 🤣 As if!

Literally the biggest benefits of being a sinlge adult feamle and not being with him is not putting up with his controlling and cocklodging shit and enjoying a private life again.

I mean seriously, just no.

@rudddy why on earth did you choose to have a child with someone like this!?!

He is trying you control sonyou need to be assertive. He is NOT to set foot in your house and absolutely no access to ring doorbell. I've never heard of someone having access!! That's ludicrous and taking the p*ss!!

And if he takes drugs then I wouldn't be letting your child anywhere near him. That's not safe.

I don’t understand why you would even entertain a second of these nonsense demands from him.

”No” is a complete sentence. Say that on repeat to any and all of his demands, and stick to it.

Absolutely not, to all of them. My ex does have a key to my place, but only because he helps me with the dog. Generally, I don’t think many ex partners have keys to their ex’s homes, and they certainly don’t have access to their partners ring doorbell access. Tell him to jog on.

Christ on a bike he he a real spectacular abusive dick !!!

please look into parenting apps for communication or use a go between , stop all communication between you and him immediately

do not accommodate anyone you don’t want to

Ridiculous, absolutely no way. I get on reasonably well with xh, we work together, I actually have his dog this weekend, and no way would we have keys to each other's house. At some point, when the dc have their own door keys, I suppose we could access each other's homes in an emergency, but not in the situation your ex is expecting

You feel harassed because he is harassing you. He is abusing you mentally, emotionally, financially. Please know that this is all him- none of it is you. He (and his mates) are scummy abusive tossers and you are currently experiencing his rage at you escaping him. He knows he’s full of shit and he wants you to keep buying it so you stay controlled by him.

Freedom Programme is a good shout, also the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft- you can read it for free online. I found that really really helpful.

Just stop speaking to him altogether. Only communication through a parenting app and ignore anything that isn't about what day or time he is seeing your child or info about your child's welfare.
Meet somewhere neutral to hand over your child. If he tries to talk to you, be a broken record "I don't want to talk to you, if it's important send it through the app. And walk away. He is still using any means to try and control, bully and abuse you. You need to cut off his access to you so he can't do that.

Until custody arrangements are court ordered, arrange a time you are meeting to hand over your child for visitation. Wait 15 minutes and if he isn't there, go home and he will need to arrange a new day and time that suits you. If he is only using your child to get to you, he will get tired of not being allowed to do this and will disappear soon enough. Better he fucks off soon so your kid doesn't have to endure having this awful man as a father.

Keep his family at arms length. His mum might seem nice but she raised him and his piece of shit brother didn't she so isn't to be trusted. She and his sisters will go behind your back to him eventually and try and talk you into doing what he wants you to do, pushing a bit at a time so you don't always spot it until your boundaries are trampled. You need a clean break from him and seeing his family isn't that. If they are really good people, they will understand when you say you need to take a break for a while from anything to do with him that isn't your child.

Bloody well done for getting out. It must have taken some determination and bravery for sure. You can do this.

I honestly mean this with love and from bitter experience but please speak to women's aid and try and arrange some therapy to work out how you ended up having a kid with such a disgusting man and then not being able to clearly see how he is continuing to abuse you. Don't even think about another relationship for a long time until you are super confident you won't end up with someone else abusive. Sometimes we don't see more abuse from someone new at first because it doesn't look the same as the abuse from the previous dickhead. Please do not get pregnant until you have been in a stable relationship with a really good man for a long time. Make friends with strong women who take no shit from men and hold you up as well.

In the meantime you have us. ❤️

Oh you poor person. It sounds like you have escaped a very abusive relationship - well done you. However you must recognise he is still abusing you! The fact that you are even asking these questions shows what a number he has done on you:

• This is YOUR house and you shouldn't allow anyone to enter that you don't want to. No keys, no doorbell access. No way.
• He can expect whatever he wants - who cares, not your partner, not your problem.
• He, His brother / friends whoever can all think whatever they want is unreasonable - who cares, not your partner, not your brother, not your friends, not your problem.

You need to stand firm on this, invent a new boyfriend that doesn’t allow it. Boundaries now.

Do not let him have a key under any circumstances. He’s full of of shit and trying to manipulate you. Stay strong and don’t give in.

He is still trying to control you. He doesn’t get a key, he doesn’t get to say if your kids can travel in a car you are driving. He doesn’t get a say in anything that goes on in your home. Wants access to ring in case an emergency happens? Bollox! He wants to monitor your comings and goings and who you have in your house.

as others have said only communicate through message app/ email. Make sure you file for child support and get a proper custody agreement in place.

Why do you even engage with this fuckwit?

Block & only deal with him via email or parenting app.