To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

I agree with you. A lot of parenting is boring routine.
Life is like gound hog day at times for parents and child free people.
I know plenty of parents who drink much more than they should because they're bored or tired thinking for everyone in the home.
None of these things are exclusively to either group.
They are human behaviours.

Nope just part of a loving family and loving kids who bring me great happiness

So she did maintain friendships then. Just because her friends were other mums, doesn't mean they didn't talk about things other than children.

It's not about me wanting to believe anything at all - I know lots of parents who travel, holiday with friends and retain their independence. But there is a subset of them who focus their entire lives on their kids, to the detriment of all else.

It's great that your MIL now has a great social life and friendships.

Do you?

I’ve seen enough parents on here saying that soft play places are hell to think parents’ lives look pretty boring too.

I find that very hard to believe - do you belong to a cult??

Couldnt have said it better myself!

She doesn't STILL. These are new things. That was obvious I thought, from my previous reply when I said she "now" has those things.

She was a stay at home mum to many children for the entirety of her adult life. Her friends at that time, were other mums who she saw in the course of her children's lives. She went on no holidays without her children. It's certainly not a life I want to live, nor do live. But she did and it has not led to a hollow, lonely life now.

I am not being disingenuous. You are just wanting to reject a story that goes against what you want to believe.

I’m sure @Katemax82doesn’t really care what you think.

It's not a bold claim, it's something I've witnessed multiple times both on here and in real life - women who have teens and adult children and who feel totally lost because they gave up their hobbies, interests and friendships to focus on their family.

It's not about having a career (or not) - it's about maintaining a life outside of your immediate family unit. Going out with friends, doing hobbies, exercising, travelling - whatever.

No I don’t think so. Some will of course but I don’t think lots.

People will miss certain things they could do when they were child free.

So you just ignore your kids once they turn 15, do you?

It’s quite bold to claim that you know people who have genuinely focused on their children to the exclusion of all else. Children are people, with interests, so even if someone’s life was exclusively being a mum, that could involve having an interest in the sports her children play, teaching them music, cooking for them, doing crafts, watching movies together, a love of the outdoors and adventure etc etc etc. Also, it’s virtually impossible not to meet people as a mother. It could well be that PP’s MIL made friends through her children and they’ve remained in contact all these years. I personally wouldn’t give up my career, but if someone chooses to make their life revolve around their children they can still have a lot of interests related to that.

15 years 🤣

If she still has friends, goes on girls holidays and has hobbies, she didn't focus on her children to the exclusion of all else, did she?

You're being very disingenuous in your responses. Probably on purpose, to try and prove a point.

I see it frequently on here. You're almost guaranteed on a thread where a mum is writing about struggling with a newborn, or sleep deprivation or juggling multiple kids, someone will pop on and say "this is why I've decided to not have kids" as if that is somehow going to help the OP.

Yes there are people who regret having kids, just as there are those that regret not having kids. But for the vast majority of parents they don't regret having children, people don't tend to post on the Internet when things are going well. There does seem to be quite a number of posters on here who seem to be convinced that most women do regret having children and I keep seeing this narrative played out on a number of threads.

Saying that I that I have a 3 year old and newborn so am currently in the thick of it wirh feelings of regret of having more than one child while I adjust to having 2. However i went through this with my first and know it is a phase and it will pass.

Well they are more like acquaintances now.

I mean that would be my MIL, who is still absolutely adored by her children, children in law and grandchildren.
She now has a busy social life full of coffee dates and parties with her friends, to the amusement of her family, and went on a girls only holiday last year. But she still sees her family the majority of the time. We're at her house now, along with two of her other kids and their kids, she's just finished making my son drink a special mix for his cough. I'd say she's pretty happy with how things have turned out.

Mourning your old life is not the same as regretting having DC if you ask me.

I'm not talking about people who prioritise their children, but those who make their children their entire world, to the exclusion of all else.

Absolutely!

See 75% of my female friends are child free. Never heard them have regrets about not having kids A couple of them adore nieces/ nephew but like to " give them back"

They keep living :) if they have nurtured warm and close relationships with their kids then hopefully those continue. And meanwhile they also have the time and space to access the bits of pre-kids life they missed, like quiet mornings, grown-up holidays, fancy restaurants etc.

Of course that's best case scenario- some might have been suffocating and continue to be dissatisfied with how much time their kids give them while building resentment in their children.

Others might be visited by tragedy of various sorts that colours everything else. But that's life generally, isn't it? There's no promised path, and you do your best and hope for the best. But there's no reason to think that a parent who prioritised their children with a focus you don't agree with is doomed going forwards.

I was definitely surprised by motherhood not being as tortuous as MN made out to be. My baby wasn't the best sleeper but was far from the worst either, and he's been a livewire since he was a newborn, but I'm also the apparently unicorn person who sleeps when the baby sleeps.

But it's fair enough that people share how hard it is, even easy babies aren't easy.

Mind you, we did wait - travelled a lot in our 20s, saved a lot of money, and kept UK based holidays for when we had kids. After covid, we had a blast of a year working through all the postponed events we had tickets for - and definitely found the pace of life of our 20s a bit much.

Now enjoying a much more domesticated life.

This. If seems like many people are staying they have this great life before kids , working travelling bag blah blah pretty then nothing happens after

Makes me glad having done it the other way really as since before hitting 50 I've had far more freedom do do all the travelling etc and old enough to actually appreciate it.
And obviously I didn't have all this " fancy" life to give up for kids.