To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

Yes, there's no need to romanticise every moment of motherhood, at the same time neither is it truthful or universal that your experience of being a parent is shaped by some joyless but inevitable jobs.

The idea that a mother has to enjoy every aspect of motherhood is really damaging and unrealistic.
I mean who actually likes cleaning shitty nappies for example? No one! And that’s ok! It doesn’t make someone a better or worse parent.

Absolutely no different!

I just think the moaners occupy the floor. People who don't make a palaver about the small stuff aren't accounted for in the discussion about what it's like to be a parent.

@ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera

some people do find food shopping and cooking boring though.
so what?

I mean, it's human nature to complain about things, lol. I knew that having a dog would mean he needed walking everyday, but that doesn't mean I don't moan about how grim it is in the pissing rain in the middle of winter.

I think it must be a very rare parent indeed who never ever complains about things like cooking meals, dirty nappies, mess, childcare etc.

Yes, you know it's going to happen but that doesn't make it easier to deal with!

I suspect it's an individual thing as much as anything, I just think it's a shame when I see people dedicating their lives to their kids and then feeling so sad when they grow up.

IL had worst case of empty nester and they did very few child related things - TBH seem to dislike being parents at least to a young child. I think it was very unexpected for all. They did rally and started new groups and hobbies and doing more travel.

If the sadness is the kick in the arse needed for people to make changes - probably a good thing. I think that may be why some posters post - to get ideas.

You can be sad and miss old life pre kids - and you can be sad about them moving on as they grow up - change and closing of chapers in life can be sad.

Our kids are late teens - so trying to get though exams send them off into the world enjoy last bit of childhood with them and think about our future plans. There's a mix of excitement about new opportunties for them and us and sadness about life changing at same time.

Because sometimes something like churning out meals does get relentless. Other times you've been looking at quirky meal ideas on social media and you feel enthusiastic.

I think relentlessness in general is something very difficult to accurately imagine when considering something.

Imagine having kids and then complaining about how boring it is to feed them though? This isn't like something that sneaks up on you, like colic that you've never even heard of until it brings you to your knees, feeding them is a known-known.

Just cooking for yourself is very different to having to cater to multiple people day in, day out.

Nobody should be doing their children's homework. If they can't do it independently then you need to speak to their teacher.

I feel this too. I love being a mother for the most part. The thing I dislike most is the anxiety that comes with a love so great. And the world I've brought them into.

Agreed it very different

Who irons school uniform?

Who irons anything?

Ate out a lot. Tesco clubcard points paid for a lot. Years Merlin card membership, restaurant vouchers,. Or should I say the thief who stole my handbag and used my Tesco Clubcard for a few years (also paid for a 2 weeks beach holiday to the Red Sea)
After school activities usually meant we ate in the car a few nights per week

Only twice tried to do homework with my DS who couldn’t read or write at the time and in the end told the teacher that he couldn’t do any homework if it involved him writing because he couldn’t do that. I was told he had to as it was the National Curriculum. So we gave up trying to conform to the homework

DD used to do homework on the tube. Her senior school didn’t do academic work for half the week. (School specialised in more physical rather than academic lessons)

I don't think mourning the life you gave up is the same as regretting having kids. My kid is neurodiverse and quite a handful. I get virtually no time to myself and miss my independence. But I love the very bones of him and couldn't wish away his existence.

Do you not cook/eat daily? Surely it’s not only parents that have to cook/eat???

My point is that I don't think you can draw easy narrative threads about the lives of real, complex people.

In this thread are people (not you) saying childfree= lonely. And others saying too absorbed in their children= sad when older.

In reality there will be lonely childfree people, and purposeless older parents. And there will be people in all directions who regret their choices or outcomes. And there will also be people deeply fulfilled by the same decisions or outcomes. And people who don't regret them at all.

But saying any one of these choices will inevitably lead to outcome X is simplistic.

Then why are you friends with them if they are so incredibly boring - I reckon if you said this to them they wouldn’t want to be friends with you any more so problem solved!

I've said it before but I think longer term as children grow up they prefer parents and grandparents with their own lives and personalities rather than those that have no other identity.

It is posible to join new groups or take up new hobbies and meet new people post kids leaving home - my grandparents did this as did my IL.

Oh, of course. My own parents moved six hours away and basically started their lives over when they retired - they have a great circle of friends and are very active with hobbies and socialising. They're busier than I am these days

I suspect it's an individual thing as much as anything, I just think it's a shame when I see people dedicating their lives to their kids and then feeling so sad when they grow up.

I hated soft play. So I didn't do it. I hated Disney. So I did it once and never again.

I loved football, class plays, teaching my kids to read, taking them to the theatre and museums. Yes, some kids like museums!

MN is very binary. IRL both parents and the childfree can lead full, interesting lives. Most of us know and accept this.

It is posible to join new groups or take up new hobbies and meet new people post kids leaving home - my grandparents did this as did my IL.

I get it's better to have ongoing interest - but I've seen kith and kin pick up new activties post kids leaving home. I suspect some people post to get ideas about that.

We expect another big move post youngest leaving uni - few years off - new jobs new area to explore I'd be amazed if we didn't try and meet new people - thats in our 50s post kids being independent - we may move again at start of retirement - not sure.

We know an 80 year old niegbour of family doing a move closer to family - all moved away - but also to sheltered hosuing with a built in community - she quite excited about new area to explore and new people to meet.

Good for you.
Ironing school uniforms, doing homework and thinking about what dinner to cook daily is boring for me.
As I am sure there are child free people who never get bored, easily amused.

I have never been bored bringing up my kids

Having kids doesn’t mean you spend your entire life at soft play you know! I think k I have only ever been to soft play 3 or 4 times and they were lovely experiences for myself and my children