To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

@Cherrytree86 I think some people have very narrow views of life and think anything that isn't done "their way" is depressing or weird.

And again I don’t have to accommodate - they simply eat what we eat and don’t have different food

@Mylah

me and my husband are like that. Why is it depressing? Sometimes one of us will be working late or going to the gym or whatever of an evening so eating separately works better. What’s the issue?? Do you think I should skip going to the gym just to eat with him?

Good for you 🙄

Yes exactly the same as pre-kids

I’ve had a few people admit that to me too. They feel they can’t admit it to other parents as they would be shamed but I’m safe as someone who made a choice not to have kids. I can’t say I haven’t had moments when I’ve regretted my choice but it’s all been a bit what if, rather than any real feelings.
my mother should not have had children and my grandmother was the same. They both did because it was expected and, in the case of my grandmother, little choice. Neither of them were happy and neither were good parents. In my mothers case she was full on neglectful. I guess I didn’t want to take the risk of bringing people into the world who would feel unloved like I did growing up.
but it’s lovely to hear of parents who don’t have any regret and are joyful and loving.

Nope they have always eaten with us and dont have different eating times

That's a big assumption as I never said we didn't eat together, I said we ate separate meals and don't cook for each other.

I'm autistic and have sensory issues around food - especially with regards to texture and mixing of certain flavours, so I cook for myself. DH doesn't have those issues so he makes his own meals.

Nothing depressing about it.

Absolutely!

Exactly it isn't. As I said before I enjoy cooking so actually I prefer having a crowd now to cook for and with more people to cook for, I get more input into what to prepare for tea. For example I may need to only think of 3 meals a week and my husband and toddler will think of the others rather than having to think of 7 seperate meals for each person.

But what is stressful for one person isn't for another.

I am Asian and in my culture we don't make separate meals

I think that is why I find it stressful - I'm trying to avoid doing seperate meals but make sure there's enough everyone can actually eat and it be varried enough diet wise - that's partly as we do like to eat together as family.

I Bf long term introduced a wide variety of food at young ages- and still ended up with picky eaters - there's a lot of textural/sensory issues in family (ND/SEN abound).

I wouldn't claim it as a reason not to have kids - frankly surpised anyone would - but having a moan on here trying to get some alternative ideas or ways of handeling it seems failry normal - doesn't mean you hate the kids just the task can start to feel like a chore even if initally it was something I was excited about.

You and your DH eat seperate meals and don't eat together? I find that a more depressing prospect than thinking about what to cook for my family.

My husband is coealic so I'm already used to catering for allergies. I enjoy cooking and planning meals and for me one of the best things about having a family is all eating together. To me eating is a social occasion and enjoying food and conservation together. I'd find it utterly depressing to live with a partner and eat seperate meals and not cook for one and another. But each to their own!

Right, but you still had to feed and think about a meal for your toddler - which is not something you have to do as a single person.

Again, I'm not saying it's a reason not to have children, but let's not pretend feeding a family is the same as only ever feeding yourself.

Again, I never said it was a reason not to have kids - I just said that cooking for a family isn't the same as cooking for just one person.

When you cook for a family, you have to accommodate their tastes, allergies and intolerances, and their routine. You don't have to worry about doing any of that as a single person - you can eat what you want, when you want, without having to also consider someone else's needs.

FWIW I've never planned a meal for DH in my life - we each sort out our own meals.

I can also eat what I want when want. The things I cook for tea are the things I want to eat and last night me and my husband wanted a takeaway, so we had one when the toddler was in bed!

I never said it was a reason not to have children.

I just said it's not the same as only cooking for yourself, especially when the kids are young and need to be fed at certain times.

The cooking thing is a bit of an odd reason not to have kids. And in response to the previous poster, I have a 3 year old and a new born and I've also had 2 cups of coffee and biscuits this morning!

Even before I had kids, I still had to plan and cook meals for me and my husband (well both of us cooked). I don't sit and worry and obsess about what my 3 year old eats. I know his likes and dislikes so planning meals isn't some ardous stressful chore. I cook one meal for the family and if he kicks up a fuss and doesn't eat it, then there's toast as an alternative. I'm not sitting cooking multiple meals each night. We still have nights too of freezer food and leftovers as well to reduce stress.

It isn't any different than what I was doing pre-kids!

I dont regret having my dc but I regret the father, and putting his name on the birth certificate.

If the father was better and actually stuck to the things we agreed during pregnancy I wouldn't feel like that he stole the experience I wanted from motherhood from me.

If he stuck to what we agreed I wouldn't have given up much as he should be looking after his dc way more than he is.

I am Asian and in my culture we don't make separate meals. They ate what we ate.

Not everyone has succumbed to the cult of Annabel Karmel!

Fair enough but my point was that just because you have children doesn’t automatically mean that you have to cook different meals/different foods etc - in your case it does but not in my family

My children have disabilities, cheeky.
If they want support and encouragement during homework, I'm available.
@RJ2025 ·
Do you not cook/eat daily? Surely it’s not only parents that have to cook/eat???

I do yes, my children have sensory issues and dietary requirements. I'm a vegetarian, DH eats meat.

You do know that people live different lifestyles depending upon their circumstances.

I adore my DC, we have lots of fun, but it is boring and mundane at times too.

Well I can eat whatever I want whenever I want too - the kids fit into my life not the other way round! They eat whatever me and DH eat and always have done - if I am making a cottage pie example I make a whole one so they eat that I don’t do a different meal just for them! Yes I make their lunches for school but making a couple of sandwiches in the morning whilst I am making breakfast is hardly a reason not to have children!

I think people need to be more honest about hard child raising is. People need to go into it with their eyes open. It's not for everyone. And women should not feel guilty or be judged for not wanting kids.

I like cooking and baking and DH always done a fair bit as well - but fatigue over family meals and packed lunches has slowly crept up over the years.

There are so many dislikes and preferences that change so frequently - eldest made a huge fuss if we got it wrong as well.

DH got fed up with doing Sunday lunch - and Christmas which we used to get excited about - so when Ds leaves we'll do a meal out a month and alternative one week and more pre-done things like veg.

Ironcially it's one of the things I'm looking forward to - occaionally coming home and not having to cook a family meal but just doing beans on toast or soup or something.

Of course it's bloody different

So far today I've had two cups of coffee and a biscoff croissant. I haven't had to worry about feeding anyone else, getting up on time to make sure they eat breakfast or to supervise them while they eat. I don't have to worry about sorting their lunch or snacks, or doing a food shop to accommodate multiple different people and their likes, dislikes and allergies.

I can just eat whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to think about anyone else's routine or tastes.