To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

Show me where I’ve said that parents lives are miserable on this thread please.

I appreciate you saying that - after all everyone is of course not the same. But some people on here insist that all parents are unhappy and regret having children

Best thing I ever did. I think the number of people who regret having children is very small, especially these days where it’s completely accepted to choose not to.

The question of mourning one’s childfree life is different. Of course having children involves changes and that means adjustment, which can be difficult.

@KimberleyClarkbut you are one of the main posters that HAS been doing this

Yes I think so too. My life would be different but definitely not better without children

Personally, I see nothing appealing about parenthood and know that I would find the whole thing far too intense and overwhelming.

I certainly don't assume everyone is the same as me, though.

Most of us don’t do that, or only in response to parents who insist that our lives must be empty/boring/unfulfilled.

I definitely don’t regret it. I hate to think what my life would have been like without my children, all the joy and love I’d have missed out on.

I also think people without children often really want to believe that lots of mothers regret having children. I think there are a minority of mothers who do but mist are happy with their choice to have children.

This sounds totally different to my twenties where I spent a lot of my spare time getting wasted I hate to admit. This sounds like what I would probably be doing now in my 30s if I was child free. Plus travelling a lot. I can’t imagine it would be the same as my 20s if I were child free.

Yup exactly this!

I new a few in their 20s who have the same regrets as well.
Its life really.

I would never assume a childfree person was missing out so i don't know why they have to insist everyone with children are miserable. It really screams 'unsure and trying to convince myself'

And i know people who regretted having them in their 20's and wish they'd waited. Not sure how this is relevant ...

I know a few people regret having babies in their 40s.

I know my mum struggled with the small children stage. As we became teens and adults we are a little girly friend group who go to the theatre, go for food, coffees, inspire each other when we are on a fitness drive or doing up our houses etc. I don't resent my mum at all for struggling when she had gone from an ambitious young woman working in the city, at the height if her career to climbing the walls indoors with two kids that were frankly boring and no match for her wit and intellect. Im just glad she did have us because as a mum to adults, she is great. A lot of women think being a mum is raising small children, but having a mum who struggles with that part usually means she may just be better suited to nurturing you at different life stages. Not everyone's personality can be entirely set up to being a maternal Mary Poppins type - doesn't make them less of a parent.

I can totally see why people love their kids and get joy from it.

It's absolutely not for me though (would lead to sensory burnout within about a week)!

Yes, because you're still having to cater for extra people, which (for most people, clearly not you) is extra effort and energy at the end of a busy day.

Well done you for not struggling.

Oh my gosh absolutely this!! They just dont get it do they and can’t understand how parents can actually be happy with their decision to have children

I think conversely that people with kids are often actually more open about their gripes and “regrets” (wish I had more time for the golf, a couples only holiday, more money for a trendy car etc etc) because the having kids life is still the “norm”. Whereas I suspect a lot of child free people do have regrets or at least “I wonder what ifs” - but are a lot more loathe to admit it, as parts of society already “judges” them enough as is.

Similar goes for the large amounts of childfree people who post here, convinced that everyone must regret having kids and can't seem to comprehend or understand that people enjoy having children or get joy out of their children. The narrow mindness works both ways.

But they don’t. You originally said that having kids meant having to cook, shop and change everything to cater for children - I was merely stating that for me and most parents I know this really isn’t the case - actually it would be more stressful and time consuming for me to cook just for me

I think was put forward as more a everyday task that gets annoying/takes more effort rather than a reason not to have kids.

Exactly. Just like having children creates more laundry. It's not a reason not to do it, but it's just something that will inevitably get pretty repetitive and frustrating after a few years.

Actually it is

I was excited by cooking when PFB was 3.

They are now 19 nearly 20- youngest is 16 - so that nearly 16 years more family cooking.

I've also done the well if you won't eat that have toast - over three kids for over a decade plus and they still ended up hating some foods.

I don't think it's usual TBH - I know IL and my parents got fed up as we hit late teen years.

I'm taking it as a sign my kids need to do more meal prep and cooking themsleves and have slowly started pushing them to do just that and they'll do much more family cooking as pratcise for adulthood post exams.

I think was put forward as more a everyday task that gets annoying/takes more effort rather than a reason not to have kids.

So what would you do if your kids had severe allergies or intolerances? You'd have no choice but to accommodate.

When you only cook for one person, you never need to worry about that.