To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

Maybe some are too ashamed to say it, but many people are very comfortable discussing it at length.

I grew up surrounded my parents who openly discussed that they regretted having kids, how horrible it was to have kids, warning kids not to have kids, going on about what they'd be doing without us, and so on.

In my workplace, if anyone mentions 'considering having kids', there will be a chorus of people telling them to enjoy their freedom and how being a parent means all these horrible things & how they wish their money and time was theirs again.

I think many people get pleasure ranting about how horrible thing are, it's a way a lot of people bond, and there is at times a cultural discomfort to say we're happy and content.

And I’m sure most parents don’t go on the mumsnetters without children board, least of all to judge them. There are obviously some arseholes on both ‘sides’.

I think some child free people are here to cause problems and enjoy making nasty comments. I think some parents have an issue with a parenting site having a child free board and make nasty comments. Personally I don’t, but I do roll my eyes at the anti children posts on every board which have increased in the last couple of years. Many are from child free posters or posters with no posting history.

I never go on the parenting boards and don’t post on threads in AIBUor Chat about parenting either. Unless it’s to express sympathy with the OP. That’s why I find it so annoying when parents come on to the MWC board to lecture us.

Hang around the parenting boards and you’ll see it. Maybe the nice posters without children who are relieved parenting isn’t part of their life, aren’t reading the parenting boards though because they’re genuinely not interested and don’t hang around there to stick the boot in.

I don't disagree, it's just not something I've seen or noticed.

Unfortunately other people do say it. Not everyone is a nice person.

I still think that if you’re happily child free or happy being a parent, you don’t need to be nasty to someone who has made a different choice to you, or possibly didn’t have a choice in how things turned out for them.

I think it's just a very emotive subject as there's a lot of unnecessary judgement on either side - you can see it from this thread alone. People make comments, other people get upset or defensive, and it just spirals.

It does and I’ve acknowledged that. People seem to want division. It’s weird. I suppose the thing is that this is a parenting site before it’s anything else so it’s quite jarring for people to read so many anti child comments and digs at choosing to have children.

There will always be arseholes on either ‘side’ of anything, best to ignore them. I still think that if you’re happily child free or happy being a parent, you don’t need to be nasty to someone who has made a different choice to you, or possibly didn’t have a choice in how things turned out for them.

I have to say I've never seen responses like that. Most of them offer some kind of empathy or advice, but maybe throw in comments about how glad they are not to be in that situation for whatever reason.

I know I've said "reading threads like this makes me glad I don't have kids" before but mainly in response to a lighthearted moan or something, not to someone who is genuinely struggling.

The posts I’ve seen this week offer no advice or empathy, just along the lines of ‘this is why I’m glad I haven’t got kids’ and ‘anyone else happy they’re child free reading this’. I’ve advanced searched some of the people who makes comments like this before and they’re regulars on the child free board, are new posters/ have name changed. It’s arsehole behaviour. I’ve reported them sometimes and it’s hit and miss as to whether mumsnet delete.

Or the parents who come on and say you don't know love if you don't have a child, or that your life is worthless without a child, or that you're selfish because you chose not to have children.

It goes both ways.

Is it having a swipe, or is just expressing a different opinion?

I guess it depends how it's said and whether the response also includes empathy and/or advice as well.

I've seen lots of responses on here that are a mix of advice, empathy and relief that that person isn't in the same situation. I don't think it necessarily makes you an arsehole unless you just go on to say "ha ha, you're an idiot for doing x, this is why I don't have kids/a husband/a dog" or whatever.

Yes it is.

I’ve seen a few. I would say they are protesting too much as well.

When you’re genuinely happy with your life, with children or without, you can say you’re happy without it being a swipe at others who have a different life.

What about those who go on to the Mumsnetters Witnout Children board and tell them they’ll regret it when they’re old and lonely with no one to look after them? Isn’t that nasty prick behaviour too?

To go on a parenting site and say to someone struggling with a non sleeping 4 month old or a teen who doesn’t care about exams, that this is why they’re glad they don’t have kids, doesn’t require confidence, it just requires being a nasty prick.

I’m glad I’m not married, I don’t go on threads where people are stressed about their wedding day and say ‘this is why I’m glad I’m not married’ because I’m not an arsehole.

It does come across as protesting too much.

Or maybe they're just very confident in their choice and are quite happy to share it, no matter what comeback they might get.

I'm not talking about casual comments - I'm talking about the people who insist being childfree is a waste of life, or who insist you can never know love until you've had a child etc. They pop up on here with alarming regularity.

There seems to be a group of child free people on mumsnet that post regularly about how glad they are not to have children and think that parents regret having children. The child free board seems to have given them the confidence to says these things on that board, fair enough, but also across the whole site. It does come across as protesting too much. In the last week alone I’ve seen 3 instances of a parent posting struggling with an aspect of parenting, and they’ve had comments like ‘this is why I’m glad I’m glad I don’t have kids’. Thats a really fucked up thing to do. When they get challenged, they’re really pissed and claim that they’re victims.

I was in support of the child free board but I’m not so sure now as the site has definitely become more anti child since it’s been around and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

I have a couple of close friends without children, it doesn't have to be child free people versus parents. We are all people living life. I do know that my friends without children have received some inappropriate comments questioning why they don’t have children. That’s particularly upsetting for one of them as she would have loved children but sadly it didn’t happen for her. The other never wanted children but the comments are still rude. They have also both seen other child free people be very rude about/to people who have children. They both think it’s weird. It seems everything is a reason for a battle these days.

I’m not sure getting comments means it’s not accepted. People comment on all sorts of things- having children, not having children, etc etc. It’s not equivalent to the genuine lack of freedom not that many decades ago, before reliable contraception and laws against sex discrimination.

This was me. I loved having mine when they were small and easy to entertain (I have five kids born within 7 years). HATED the years from about nine to fifteen, but I was a single parent from the youngest turning three, so these ages were when I was most stressed - no help, no money, desperately poor in a rented house with no heating. Then they started heading off to Uni, and were MUCH more pleasant when they returned in the holidays. Now they are all adult and such good fun; something I would really have missed if I hadn't had them.

So different ages make for different problems and some people find some problems easier than others to deal with. I'll take the heartbreak and struggles of early adulthood over the unreasonable screaming hormonal lashing-outs of early teenhood any day.

Not for me. I had my first at 20 and had all 4 of my children before I was out of my 20s. So when I think back to my life before kids I can't really remember as I was a teenager. Even back then I had a lot of responsibility within the family as I helped to raise my younger siblings so i was never really free to do what I wanted. I'm sure some people do regret having kids but I think for most it's just a flitting thought that comes at a bad time. When I'm stressed I do sometimes think "I could be sitting here in peace if I hadn't had them all", but it's not a serious thought and it's not the life I would want. And it makes me appreciate those times that I do get to myself all the more.

It's not completely accepted, though - lots of childfree people still get comments about why they don't have children.

I think it can be easy to assume that everyone struggles with the things you struggle with (and that everyone enjoys the things you enjoy, too).

I can be quite black and white with my thinking (autism) and find it hard to see why anyone would choose parenthood, but logically I know it can't be that bad, lol.