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Original poster

To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

439 replies

ThatDenimLurker · 13/06/2025 11:22

You can love your child and still mourn the life you gave up.

OP posts:
Capybara6473 · 13/06/2025 11:47

I don’t think “a lot” of people regret having kids. I think people sometimes regret the loss of youth and not living the life you did in your 20s but I think that happens regardless of whether you have kids or not. I also think it’s easy to romanticise the life you would have without kids, the fabulous career etc etc in a way that might not necessarily be the case.

tygertygers · 13/06/2025 11:45

I don't think it's ever that binary. I think you can have complicated feelings, loving your children while wondering what an alternative life would have been. I think few parents, if they were granted a wish, would undo having their children when it came down to it.

InBedBy10 · 13/06/2025 11:45

Katiesaidthat · 13/06/2025 11:29

A lot? no, I don´t agree. Some definitely do, but not "a lot".

This.

For me my kids are the best part of my life. Are there hard times ? Yes, especially when they were little. But nothing worth having comes easy. As they've gotten older it's definitely gotten easier and I genuinely enjoy spending time with them.

Chocolateorange22 · 13/06/2025 11:45

I don't regret them per se but the life I could have had without them. My career wouldn't have stalled and we'd probably have moved around more for work so more life experiences. I had a few losses before my DC and had we decided to stop I would have always mourned not having children.

hydriotaphia · 13/06/2025 11:41

I think the majority of parents do not regret having kids. I think for most people even if they miss aspects of their younger days they do not feel regret as such.

Guardian12 · 13/06/2025 11:38

I’m sure this is true for some, but I also think some people romanticise child free life and think things would continue the way they did when they were in their late twenties/ early thirties. I didn’t have a child until I was 40 due to infertility, and being child free heading into middle age was a lot different to when I was younger.

ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 13/06/2025 11:38

No, I don't think so. Most people adore their children and find it very rewarding. But they keep quiet about it so they aren't accused of bragging.

JHound · 13/06/2025 11:36

I am not sure it’s a “lot” but then I hear some of the stories my social worker family members share….

Original poster
ThatDenimLurker · 13/06/2025 11:35

Katiesaidthat · 13/06/2025 11:29

A lot? no, I don´t agree. Some definitely do, but not "a lot".

Fair enough. I don’t have hard data but it feels like more people are quietly carrying that feeling than we admit. Maybe not full-blown regret but a sense of loss or mourning for the life they didn’t get to live. I think the pressure to only ever say parenting is rewarding makes it harder for those mixed feelings to surface.

OP posts:
SkintSingleMumm · 13/06/2025 11:30

Grass is always greener and all that.

Holluschickie · 13/06/2025 11:30

Certainly. People also regret being child free. And being married. Or moving overseas.

Thinking about the road not taken is a human trait.

Katiesaidthat · 13/06/2025 11:29

A lot? no, I don´t agree. Some definitely do, but not "a lot".

ParentingHard · 13/06/2025 11:28

Personally yes I do regret having kids but it’s more if I knew what my life would be like I wouldn’t have had any children so whilst I do love them if I had my time again I would be child free.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 13/06/2025 11:25

True. Considering the abuse people get when they do admit it, it's not surprising most people who do feel that way keep it to themselves.

Confessing your secret feelings is apparently considered worse than drop kicking a puppy into a vat of acid