To think a lot of people regret having kids but are too ashamed to say it?

Adoring your children and having a career or high income aren’t mutually exclusive

It was certainly harder than I envisaged, I found first time motherhood really tough as I had had such unrealistic expectations. Second child just slotted into the existing framework and much easier even though she was a crap sleeper and naughtier!

Absolutely no regrets, I feel that having them has and continues to be the best experience of my life.

I will say that I was perhaps quite selfish and limited what I sacrificed for them, carried on working FT and building my career, carved out time for exercise, friends and interests of my own. Insisted husband took an equal share of drop offs, pick ups, baths, homework, chores etc. I honestly think i would have decided not to have children unless that was the deal.

Whereas my mum felt she sacrificed a lot and was the household drudge. I think she was expected her children to be brimming over with gratitude and adoration in return for what she did. We weren't horrible children but like most we just took "parenting" for granted. I remember her saying several times when we were teens that if she could have her time again she wouldn't have had children. I don't feel like that at all about mine (one is now an adult so it's not as if they're still little and cute).

I’m going to say YABU because I don’t think that thinking about how life was is the same as regretting having children.

My life has totally changed since having my little girl, and no doubt will change again later this year when I have my second baby. I don’t have hours to spend in the gym now, there’s no lazy Sundays on the sofa snoozing after a Saturday night in the pub, sleeping through the night is a thing of the past, holidays aren’t 5* adult only all inclusive in the Caribbean now they are all inclusive kids hotels in Cyprus. My life has changed massively- and I do not regret it even for one single second because my daughter is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love my “new” life more than I ever thought I could. Acknowledging change doesn’t have to mean hating or regretting change.

Those saying your thirties and forties without children are different to your twenties. They really aren't as long as you stay in shape.

I go out boating, I waste money on expensive shoes, I sleep a lot, I go to the gym, I cook fancy meals, I drink nice wine, it's basically exactly like my twenties but with money.

They leave eventually. 🙂 Make sure you have something for yourself.

Sometimes I do but it’s more to do with the state of the world and the way this country is going. I really fear for the future at times and definitely feel guilt about it

My daughter is absolutely the best part of my life - could not imagine life without her and wouldn't want to

Mourn the freedom I had before? Yes, sometimes. But days like today, when my son is at nursery, I have it back for a while!
But regret having him? Hell no. He's the love of my life (and DH of course!). I want another too but I've had 2 losses recently.

You can feel one way (mourning what you had) without feeling the other (regret having your child). They aren't mutually inclusive.

On the whole i do not think most people regret having children.

Of course we have good days & bad, we reminisce about life pre kids in a nostalgic way. But actually its a good trait mental health wise not to dwell on things you can't change and to make the best of things, see the silver linings.

Essentially same shit, different grass. My experience too - my mum once said to me the only difference in her second marriage was she was in a better financial position to get more enjoyment and pay for it - lots of holidays, not work etc . She didn’t actually find the actual marriage anymore pleasurable after about 5 years

I voted YANBU as of course there will be people who regret having children just in the same way that there will be people who regret not having children. It's such a monumental decision that will radically shape your life. Some will always ponder and lament what could have been.

My entire life and mere existence is centred on my kids...without them I dread to think how my life would be

This is one of the themes of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once (an amazing movie featuring a middle aged working mother as the hero, and considering all the potential lives she might have had if she had made other decisions). I cannot imagine my life without my kids to the extent that sometimes I think back to events before they were born and wonder where they were when we were doing X. We had issues conceiving and maintaining a pregnancy, though, so I had plenty of time to consider what life would have been like without them. Is is unbelievably hard and harder than I ever thought it would be? Yes. Do I look at people who have no kids and think "you have NO IDEA". Also yes. As PP said, it's not binary. I do not regret having them for a single second, and never have, but I also feel like the price has been extremely extremely high. Worth paying? Yes. But can see why some people might not feel that, especially when they are in the trenches and have lost sight of the good stuff (and/or didn't want to be parents as badly as I did, and have a real sense that they didn't want that childless future).

I think a lot of people simply do not look into what the reality of having children is like.

You see regular threads on here asking if it’s meant to be this hard. The answer is yes from most posters but usually also that it’s worth it in the end.

It’s also when a lot of women realise their husband or partner doesn’t pull their weight.

I read these threads and thank the heavens I have never married or had children.

In addition to all the parents who do their very best and do a good job but secretly wish they’d remained childfree, I think if people didn’t regret having children, we wouldn’t have child neglect, child abuse, and people who are just generally disinterested in how their children are growing up. On the basis that we do have all of that, I’d speculate most of them are people who realised all too late that being a parent wasn’t really for them, but it’s not a decision you can just undo.

Not for me, I adore my children and grandchildren, they are and have been my life since they were born.
Careers and high income mean nothing to me.

I have met a few people in my life who give the impression their children have made them miserable - although tbh it tends to seem a bit more like a whole life crisis. Wrong partner, living in the wrong place, just unhappy with their lot.

TBH of my friends I don’t really get the impression any regret it. I know a couple who are very much ‘one and done’ who I suspect are so because they prefer being more independent which is difficult with multiple children.

I cannot believe how easy my life must have been before kids, the spare time! The lie ins! The causal trips to the pub after work! My lord.

Yes, agree with this.

I find having kids very difficult, however on balance I feel they add to my life, so I don’t regret them in that way, although I can understand why many people do.

HOWEVER, I would say that I do regret having kids due to the state of the world. I feel very despondent about what kind of lives they are going to have.

You don't have to plunge through your twenties and thirties without children to enjoy being a parent.

Not me. My kids are the best part of my life. Yes, hard work at first but rewarding. Compared to caring for elderly parents it’s a a dream.

I don't regret having my children at all, I do sometimes regret bringing them into this shitty world though.

I think it depends on what you feel you have had to 'give up' as to whether it seems worth it. For me I was never career minded and had spent my 20s and early 30s travelling/buying a house etc so I has crossed lots of things off my bucket list. Having ds didn't require any sacrifice really (apart from lie ins haha) so I've never regretted him for a second, but we also made it easy on ourselves by stopping at 1 child so our lives aren't completely ruled by kids.

After many years I have come to realise that marriage isn’t for me. I just find it extremely dull. Been married twice and had two other relationships and found all of them the same one the drudgery set in.

Kids- I love my kids but have found parenting hard work with little reward once they get past the nice age.

Yes, humans are not binary. We are complicated. And feelings can ebb and flow. i dont think there is a mother alive who has not wondered " What the fuck have I done?" in the first six months?.