Would you pull out of being a bridesmaid or shall I still go through with it?

Yes, agree with your DH. It may rekindle or not.

She clearly wants you to be part of her wedding, obviously you are not as close as some of her other friends now, but that’s understandable and ok.

I would raise this with her after the wedding OP. It’s not appropriate to pull out now, it’s far too short notice.but definitely have a conversation / heart to heart with her a few weeks after her wedding maybe x

i think you made the right choice to still do it and then leave the ball in her court.

as to why you drifted it's probably because you had a child. People who don't have children sometimes just don't have anything to say to you (especially if they don't like kids) when you have a child, especially a small child who takes up a lot of your time and is a very large factor in your life.

never underestimate how boring other people can find your children, especially if they don't have their own!

I have been on both sides of this. It's weird but it's definitely a thing.

OP you are not needy for expecting a text back from a friend who considers you important enough to be a bridesmaid at her wedding!

How does the bride not feel embarrassed asking you for money when she hasn’t even bothered to respond to your previous texts?! I would be mortified looking at our conversation history and seeing that all I ever do is ignore your questions and ask for money!

The bride is having 7 of them, one not being there will not matter one single bit.

I agree with this actually, on balance. She's being rude not responding to OPs messages.

But at this point OP may as well go. Yes it would be hurtful to the bride probably, but the bride's behaviour is also quite hurtful.

Don't pull out. Do what you agreed to then let the friendship go if you feel you want to.

If your friendship has faded and she feels it too then she's probably really debated about having you as a bridesmaid... but then decided to. This may be out of obligation because she was yours but it says to me she cares about your feelings..

You'd be a little hurt if she didn't. So in your position I'd enjoy it and just see what happens after. Don't dwell on it
But please for the love of everything don't let her down.

Personally I’d be her bridesmaid and enjoy the day,
You may not feel close to her now but friendships have a habit of changing over time, if she has a child you might find she naturally gravitates back to you and her newer friends fade away.

Another bridesmaid has pulled out. She's asked you as a last minute replacement. Sorry.

Agree

I think it’s too late to pull out now.

Don’t pull out at this stage. You would be the worst in the world and she would tell everybody and would have a good reason not to like you and end your friendship.
Turn up on the day, smile and be as nice as pie to everyone. Be super helpful and then sit back and see how she behaves in the weeks and months after the wedding.
she doesn’t seem as good a friend to you as you are to her.

Fwiw I don't think you are needy.

I'm team husband just get it over with and let them friendship drift.
Its very common and you aren't alone.

I think she may have asked you to be a bridesmaid because she thought you would be offended if she didn't as she was yours.The fact that she was bothered about your opinion on the matter shows she does value you to some extent
(imo) if only as someone she was close to once. If she thought gosh why was I ever friends with her she wouldn't have asked you. If she has children in the future you may become closer again as you will be more at the same stage in life, or you may not. Regardless, I think you should be her bridesmaid and try to enjoy the day. Perhaps there will be others there you know and can reconnect with ( her relatives or other old friends).

Reading your responses OP I think you kind of might have thought that this would bring you back together, but I think it is really important to remember she might not be being obtuse, she might just be super busy with all the organising and things.

I was a relatively chill bride to a degree, but when it’s your day you do want everything to be perfect and that takes a lot of time and effort and coordination. Equally I didn’t hand things off to others, other than my husband who was epic, because I/he knew what we wanted and how we wanted it done.

She obviously wants you to have a special role in her special day or she wouldn’t have asked you. You will be in all the important photos and she obviously wanted that.

I am not sure this needs to be a ‘I’ll let it fade from here or let the friendship go’. I think it just needs to be a ‘I’ll be there for you whenever you need me, but I appreciate that right now we are in different places’. This happens with friendships and we never know what each other have going on, but I would like to think that if I reached out to any of my friends in need they would be there and vice versa.

Right now you are just in different pages, but it doesn’t mean you have to deliberately close the book! Just go with the flow, enjoy spending time with her when possible, be glad you could be a part of her special day and have that memory together too. Reach out now and again and maybe one day you will reconnect more deeply again.

I think we can all be guilty of expectations surrounding friendships, I personally have come to the realisation over the years though that I can’t put my expectations on others because they have their own stuff they are dealing with at any given time. Therefore I have learned that you reach out now and again and if you need someone and hope that they will do the same and sometimes you are pleasantly surprised by what happens. Friendships don’t need to have absolutes, it’s not really how they work. Unless of course being around the person is toxic and you need to have a boundary for your own wellbeing.

I just hope that you can at least look happy to be therefore her and not show your disappointment.

One of my bridesmaids was a good friend from school. I hadn't really seen her much in the time since school and after my wedding I only saw her at other people's weddings. She didn't invite me to hers although I did plan to go to the church at one point.

I'm glad she agreed to be my bridesmaid. She was chosen because she was a very calm person and someone I could rely on. My chief bridesmaid was more flighty.

Your friend wishes to honour your friendship. Even if it feels a dead thing, she wants you to be part of her special day. You need to do this for old time's sake.

I did this with a friend but as an invited guest rather than bridesmaid. The friendship had been faltering for a while - I turned up to the wedding as a sort of tribute to what it had been and thought of it as a bit of a goodbye. I didn’t want to draw attention/make a point by not attending - I made the effort to go and celebrate them, but let it fade after that.

OP I don't think you sound needy at all. I'd feel weird about being her bridesmaid, I'd probably develop a D&V bug the day before and not go but that's me, I'm pretty socially awkward and don't like being places I know I'm not wanted.

@ImagineHarder How am I protecting? I don't have issues with friendships so I find your comment odd. I'm giving an opinon on facts op have posted. The bride wants a big show for her wedding. She's asked op to pay for the privilege, this isnt the done thing in the uk. It's very telling how she's included the other women in wedding plans and not op and she's been pushed aside. Real friends don't behave like that especially only contacting for payment but ignoring op when she speak to her is appalling. It says alot about her as person she is hence why I said she wants abig show about herself she doesn't care about op and want to have a meaningful relationship.

Have you, at any point, said “I don’t feel like we are as close as we used to be, I really miss you, it would be good if we could see each other a bit more” .. and then get dates in a diary. Dropping hints gets you nowhere.

Surely there’s a WhatsApp group with the bridal party in it where a lot of things gets discussed and planned. Seems odd that you aren’t included, it seems like she has only asked you bc of your shared history. I wouldn’t pull out now as she hasn’t actually done anything nasty. Go to the wedding and after that let the relationship fizzle out, seems like she’ll be too busy to keep in touch after marriage if she hasn’t all these years

Respectfully, you’re projecting like mad here. The bride is going to look pretty much exactly as popular with six bridesmaids as with seven. She has no need for the OP as windowdressing. With six bridesmaids, nobody is going to be sighing over the poor tragic bride and her lack of close female friends. Which makes asking the OP a genuine gesture, though not perhaps with the meaning the OP saw in it.

And I’ve had every possible permutation of costs the times I’ve been a bridesmaid, from being flown halfway round the world, my accommodation and outfits paid for for a wedding that lasted days, to paying for my dress, shoes etc myself. But how much the couple spent or didn’t spend on me didn’t correlate to the depth of the friendship.

Do it! This will reignite your friendship if anything, normal for it to take a while to get back to normal. You'll def regret it if you don't go. Normal for people to see each other more to appear more natural but that feeling won't last

Similar thing happened to me and how we are good friends again- her inviting me and me accepting was a first step