Working From Home - backwards step for women?

It just falls to whoever is wfh, to do the domestic stuff. Nothing to do with women vs men.

My husband wfh every day and is a very early riser. I go into the office maybe 2 days per week, but never get up before 8am. I don’t do any of the domestic stuff like the dishwasher or laundry as he’s always done it by the time I get up, regardless of whether I’m wfh or not.

No it's not a step back for women, because women in this country have free choice in who they marry and therefore can decide not to be with lazy, misogynistic wankers. If you know he wouldn't pick up all this extra load if he was working from home (because man), then why do you?

I agree with you, OP. I have a large family and the expectation is the one at home has done most of the house jobs before the workers get back - despite us all working similar hours. Two days a week I'm booking myself a remote working office to counteract this.

I think your point is certainly worthy of a discussion. It’s not about WFH, it’s about how WFH can have an adverse effect on already imbalanced relationships.

If you’re blessed to have a decent partner then it benefits both. If you’re in a relationship with a man who is blind or ignorant of what it takes to run a household, it exacerbates the situation.

Mumsnet doesn’t seem to represent the reality I see around me, I do work with a number of ‘good men’ who appear to do their share of household management, but I suspect they remain in the minority.

No, my husband does more as he is at home. I get up at 6 3 times a week and home at 5.45. Husband gets up at 8 and finishes at 4 and only has to go in once a week so it’s not a sex thing it’s a wfh thing.

Sounds like hubby is taking the Mick, tbh. Lazy sod. Tell him this 😀

I think the domestic load falls more to whoever’s role is WFH more but… that isn’t more likely to be the woman, AFAIK?

I actually think WFH has been a huge benefit to women in general as all the bellyaching about being home for the kids etc is largely removed by not commuting every day.

In 2019 I was assuming I’d never do pick ups, dinner etc. Now I easily do that two days a week. Huge benefit to me, zero discussion with my employer about it.

Why are you doing everything? that's the problem.

I WFH permanently, DP 2 days a week, I do little to no housework when I’m at home bar throw on the dishwasher or a wash, DP tends to do a bit more and vacuums and washes all the floors in between meetings.
Honestly, if I am going to doss off paid work, I’m not going to waste the time doing housework.

We split all chores. When I WFH (3 days), I do the drop off for DS and DH cleans the house before starting work. When I'm in the office, he does the drop off and a bit of cleaning and dinner and I do the pick up on the way back from work. You'll have to communicate expectations and how you share the workload.

Sounds like a problem with your husband rather than WFH in general

No we spend our weekends doing fun stuff. If I left the jobs he’d do them. But I don’t like to. That’s my choice, I can’t work or concentrate if there is a mess, it take me an hour before work to get stuff done ; everything is kept on top of so no need for massive cleans or anything.

No, we share it. Whoever is working from home does the laundry at lunchtime and has dinner ready when the other person gets home. It doesn't and shouldn't fall on an individual. Everyone should be capable of doing housework.

Men also WFH. Why would a woman be passed up for career opportunities due to WFH and not men?
Not convinced this is actual an issue anyway.
If I need an urgent task done I will delegate it to the most appropriate person available, irrespective whether they are in the office or WFH.
Selecting the person in the office as it’s more convenient for you is poor management.

Id say it's the opposite in our house - my dh gets a fair bit done over lunch and in breaks when hes working from home. Surely it depends on who is working from home the most and your expectations as a family? Wfh has enabled me to work more hours which I wouldn't have been able to do with a commute and also enabled my dh to be at home more so it's a win win for us.

Not for me. It's amazing! I do pick up domestic stuff at home but it fits in with my work and it makes life easier for us all. My husband unloads the dishwasher and cleans up the kitchen before he leaves for work and I get the kids off to childcare/school but I'd be doing that anyway. WFH means I don't have to be ready to be out of the house all day before we leave for school. I get my breakfast when I get back. I hang washing on calls etc. my husband can't WFH as is a teacher but definitely pulls his weight.

This isn't a 'working from home for women' problem, this is a problem in the dynamic of your relationship. Why are you doing these extra things and why does he not have to?

although at times WFH is very convenient it actually means longer hours

Why? You work your contracted hours – that's it. If you have a demanding job where you have to work over for whatever reason, then that's an issue with your company or your work efficiency. What does that have to do with women working from home?

The only thing that you should pick up the slack in is during the commuting time, because you don't have to do that, and he does.

I honestly don't understand how any of this has any grounding in working from home being the problem. If working from home is highlighting inequalities in domestic labour, then it's highlighting an issue in your relationship or your husband's attitude to domesticity, and that's it.

You do 99%??

Does he work 7 days a week?

Not in my house - I work from home full time.
I work my set hours 8am - 4pm.

I alway thought my house would be spotless if i worked from home, it is as grubby as ever tbh probably more so cos there is no urgency anymore - no hamster in the wheel vibes

If anything it has liberated me, I now have time to pursue hobbies in the evenings - cos i am not knackered after a public transport communte. I take my time cooking dinner and it isnt some rush job.

I get to go to the gym 3 times a week on my lunch break.

The best part is, i dont get to listen the negative BS around the office

No mental runs to get kids in to breakfast club at 7am, they now walk to school @8.15am .

No panic trying to get them from afternoon school when the buses dont turn up - they walk home when school has finished.

WFH has completely changed my life for the better physcially, emotionall and mentally

The fair distribution of domestic labour in your home is something you have agency over. For many people WFH is really important.

Me, I go to the office, I don’t have a home office. I don’t begrudge other people who do. I can see the benefits of WFH. I am not sure that people are more productive because I don’t see more tangible outputs.

No, I think WFH has been liberating for many women and many couples.

This does seem to be a bit more about the man you married OP, and your domestic imbalance.

For a start, what's stopping him getting up at the same time as you and getting stuck into his domestic responsibilities before he leaves for work?

And if it was the other way round and you had to go into the office 3x a week and you DH didn’t then he would be picking up tasks in the house (and if he doesn’t then that’s a different problem to wfh)

I think you are looking for a problem that isn’t there

I think there’s a risk that women end up doing all the housework/childcare
Also women potentially miss out on opportunities at work by WFH
None of these risks are inevitable,but we should be aware of them
Eg If I get an urgent job in on a Friday afternoon am I going to give it to my assistant works in the office who I can go and speak to and she can start work on it immediately,or am I going to try and track down my assistant that WFH and have a Teams call ?

Surely it depends on who does more WFH? Generally, DH and I both go in 2 days a week but this week, I’ve had to go in 4 days plus am away next week with work. At which point, DH picks up all of the household stuff. If he’s travelling for work, or has a busy week, I do more of it. I do agree with a PP that both of us having increased flexibility and hybrid working arrangements has been very helpful. Pre-Covid, we were both in the office for five long days and I have no idea how we would have balanced everything now that we have DS (born just before Covid hit).